Bridesmaid issues

Bridesmaids aren't required to do anything but show up to your wedding.

Anything else that do is them being nice and a bonus.

Ouch! I say just hope for the best.

Technically she's not required to be at any of those events you listed. It's sad when someone you thought was a close friend isn't as present as you would hope, but it's her prerogative to spend her time how she chooses.

Have you talked with her at all? Has she given any indication she might not be at the wedding? Does she have her dress?

That's already more than what I asked my BMs to do for me.

To answer your question: you do not do anything. She is an adult. She knows when your wedding is and will be there. If not, you have 3 other BMs.

Have a talk with her. Maybe she doesn't realize how important all of it is. And if that doesn't go well you might wanna find a backup BM.

Just had this discussion and mine didn't get along so I replaced one.. I got backlash for it but I'm glad I did it. This could happen to me. I'm so sorry. You should not suffer because of them. Have you talked to them? Told them how you feel?

Bridesmaids aren't really obligated to do anything except get a dress. And show up sober and on time. The bridal shower thing sounds like your other BMs came to you like "hey she isn't pulling her weight". But they decided to go with that. She's not obligated to attend. Yes It's nice but yeah you get the gist. But if you feel like she'll bail on the actual wedding then talk to her about THAT

What was her reason for not coming? Don't worry, your shower and wedding (if she doesn't show up) will still go on just fine without your one bridesmaid.

Have you talked to your BMs about anything but wedding stuff lately? Maybe she's got something going on in her life that's taking precedent. Not to be harsh, but your BMs have no obligation to go dress shopping, venue hunting, or even to come to your shower.

She has her dress. In fact I bought their dresses. It's just she says she will be there, but then within hours or days of it she bails out. I understand she doesn't have to be but I'd like more notice than a couple of hours

Michele H-No. You don't find a "backup bridesmaid"

She's going to show up to your wedding because she is an adult.

But if she doesn't you have 3 bridesmaids end of story.

ETA no one should ever have a back up bridesmaid, that's rude.

Do NOT replace her! How you feel if one of your closest friends asked you to be her BM 3 weeks before her wedding???

2 out of 3 of mine live in a completely different state. Should I dump them because they couldn't attend any of the wedding events? Are you friends with her only because of how you expected her to perform for your wedding or was there no friendship to begin with? If you want to stay friends I'd suggest you keep your trap shut. If not, then let her go find a friend who actually appreciates her for who she is as a person rather than a bridesmaid.

As other people on here have said before no one else is as nearly excited about your wedding and it's related activities as you are. She may be the type of person that just isn't really into wedding stuff, she's being your bridesmaid because she wants to support you on your day, however as PP's have said that doesn't require her to attend everything you want. Obviously I don't know your BM so what I'm saying is just conjecture.

She doesn't seem to be causing any issues other than you have an ideal in your mind of how she should be behaving, that's something that you need to work on.

Do not ruin a friendship just because someone couldn't make a party.

Ok to tell you the day before your shower she can't make it is F*ed up. I would be pissed too. What was her reason for not being able to come, especially so last minute? You picked her to be in your bridal party so no don't kick her out or anything but have a talk, get dinner together. You need to get things off your chest before you explode on her by accident with all your emotions.

Don't take Colleen's advice, unless you need advice on how to ruin a friendship.

To echo some of the other ladies, your bridesmaids aren't obligated to do anything but buy a dress and show up to the wedding. If they decide to do more than that, that's amazing! I have one BM who is kind of similar - she said she would go with us to shop for BM dresses and didn't show up (with no explanation, either), said she would be at a lunch I hosted for them but couldn't make it (with an explanation that time), and I actually have no clue if she has her dress. For all I know, she may not even make it to the wedding - but I still love her and will not be offended if she can't. We'll miss her, but it won't affect our friendship in a negative manner, and there is nothing that I need to "do" about it. I understand worrying about your BM not showing up, but sometimes we just need to prepare ourselves for that. Just because they have other obligations doesn't mean we should expect more from them or love them any less.

Technically she isn't required to, but I would probably be upset if I were in your shoes too. Don't worry about it though. Let her do her own thing, you have three other bridesmaids who understand how important this day is to you.

What is her reasoning? Why isn't she coming to anything? I had 8 BMs and 2 of them didn't come to anything other than the Aras and wedding. One lived out of state and one has 3 kids under 5 so it was hard for them. If your friend is just bailing because she doesn't feel like it that stinks and I'd be annoyed. But as long as she shows up for the wedding it hard to say anything. I would just remember this and distance yourself after.

I have a hard time believing people honestly wouldn't be upset if your BM suddenly told you that she's bailing on your shower.

The other things such as lunches, buying your dress, etc. She's not required to do that and be your little helper. However, it's pretty crappy that she's not at least showing up for your shower.

Sounds like her flakiness is a pattern, and existed before you asked her to be your bridesmaid.