Kristina
Dedicated July 2020

Bridesmaid issue

Kristina, on June 11, 2020 at 1:45 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 24
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I need some advice. I have been having an issue with one one my bridesmaids. We went bridesmaids dress shopping back in February before Covid and they all tried on dresses. My sister and my friend bought there’s like months ago but somehow she still hasn’t. My wedding is in 36 days and I’ve asked several times these past 3 months if she’s bought her dress and she has always said no. I asked her again the other day if she was getting her dress and she told me yes and some church ladies were going to alter her dress. But is she really getting her dress? She’s always had money issues but this time she has had a steady job and still hasn’t got her dress. Was she waiting for me to pay for it, I wasn’t going too. Now I’m concerned that there will be issues before the wedding and on the wedding day. At this point I feel like I need to tell her that if she hasn’t bought her dress, she’s no longer in the wedding. I hate conflict even though I can speak my mind, I just don’t want to lose her as a friend but I also don’t want her to ruin my wedding day. I’m already stressed out enough. What should I do?

24 Comments

Latest activity by Karen, on June 12, 2020 at 9:34 PM
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I would just let her get it when she gets it if that’s the only problem. Unfortunately we can remind people so many times and they still won’t do it. I know how annoying it is for the bride though. My bridesmaid literally did not get hers until three days before my wedding and she needed it altered too. Ugh talk about anxiety! But at the end of the day as long as she gets it by the wedding then it’s all good.
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  • Caitlin
    Expert January 2021
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    Hi love! i would put it as simply as possible. something like - "if you dont purchase your dress within the next week, i will find a replacement bridesmaid as i shouldnt have to concern myself with things like this so close to my wedding. i want a smooth day where we can all kick back, let loose, and have fun with one another" or something similar to that. you could add something into it about how you really want to keep the friendship but feel like she has been distant or less involved than the others. there are nice ways to put it. that is so ignorant and im worried ill have similar issues with some of my girls, but i sure hope not. try not to stress too much. things will work themselves out. good luck!!!
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  • Belle
    VIP August 2022
    Belle ·
    • Flag
    Well, even if she already has a steady job, doesn’t mean she has money to spend on stuff. Some people are too embarrassed to share about their finances. Or maybe she has a goal with her saving. 🤷🏻‍♀️ In my family and friends circle, the bride and groom are the one paying for all the things the bridesmaids and the groomsmen need for the wedding.
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  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
    • Flag
    I would now place a deadline asap like hey if you don't order your dress by Monday for example I can't have you in the wedding. And if she tske that personal i wouldnt feel no way bc she had since Feb. Then she has to realize which i know she does already that packages as far as ordering items can take longer due to CVIOD 19
    Good luck
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  • Kristina
    Dedicated July 2020
    Kristina ·
    • Flag
    I always knew she never had a lot of money because we worked together and she would tell me. I can’t afford to pay for hers as my FH and I have had to pay for everything. It doesn’t help when my sister doesn’t like her. I just feel like this is added stress for me because she told me she was going to get hers like a month or so ago and now 36 days until wedding and nothing yet.
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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag

    If she said she's getting it and has a plan for alterations, then what's the issue? You can't really ask for receipt proof that she purchased it; she isn't a child. I know it's nerve wracking and really we'd like everyone to order things weeks ahead of time so there's no worries, but she hasn't done anything wrong if she has a plan. Maybe ask her what the time estimate was on when it would be in? That way you'd have a date to check in again to see if it came in. I wouldn't kick her out over a dress - a dress isn't worth a friendship, especially if she's already ordered it and has it under control.

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  • Kristina
    Dedicated July 2020
    Kristina ·
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    She actually hasn’t even bought the dress yet. She just keeps reminding me that she hasn’t bought the dress yet, it’s been like 3-4 months, lol. She is aware that she needs to buy it, she just hasn’t done it at all. That’s my dilemma.
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Do you know what the production/shipping time is on it? If you know that, you can message her saying "it'll take x days to get in from when you order it and you'll need at least a few days to get it altered, so I need you to order it by (insert date)." And then you can reach out to her on that day and see if she's done it, and if not you can start being a little more firm about "if you don't have the dress, (you won't be in the pictures, you can't stand up with us, whatever you decide to to).

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  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Simply, if she has the dress on the day, she will be part of the bridal party. Otherwise, she will attend as a guest. Stop stressing about other people's actions.
    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag
    I would tell her you want to see it on her and make sure she’s happy with it. If she puts up some real resistance I would enquire as to whether it really is a financial issue.
    I’m all for bridesmaids buying their own dresses but if she genuinely has financial issues (even with a paying job) and can’t spend the money, consider buying hers.
    • Reply
  • Kristina
    Dedicated July 2020
    Kristina ·
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    I’m a bride and getting married in 36 days. I think I have a right to stress out about it 🙄.
    • Reply
  • J
    Expert May 2021
    Jaime ·
    • Flag

    Yep this sounds stressful. Sorry she is dragging her feet. Definitely sounds like money issues but she is too embarrassed to say anything. I'd probably decide in my mind the final time I would address it with her and then just let it go. Prepare yourself for her standing up in your wedding or attending as a guest. I'm wondering if she realizes that that is the alternative, to not stand up in the wedding.

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  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    Never said you didn't have the right. My intention was to say that as a bride you have more important things to think about than one person who is being uncooperative. Why waste energy on someone who is not bothered by causing you stress? It's just not worth it. If you choose to stress about then by all means continue to do so. My advice is not coming from a malicious place.
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  • Anastasia
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Anastasia ·
    • Flag
    Seems like she’s not taking you seriously. If she’s not coming through on the dress then maybe she will do the same for others things the day of too? However, you won’t know the truth until you talk it out. Good luck ♥️
    • Reply
  • Queen Cone
    Devoted September 2020
    Queen Cone ·
    • Flag
    Even if you have finance issues u sign up to being a bridesmaid knowing the cost. if shes unable to do it for financial reasons she should tell u even though
    its embarassing u would understand. i would also give some kind of ultimatum that youre not messing around you cant just show up in any old dress
    • Reply
  • Kristina
    Dedicated July 2020
    Kristina ·
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    I agree, I should’ve known in the beginning because she always have had financial issues. She used to be roommates with one of my friends from my old job and always had issues paying rent. I would understand totally and would still be her friend regardless.
    • Reply
  • Kristina
    Dedicated July 2020
    Kristina ·
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    I apologize, all this wedding and Covid stress has been getting to me. I really am about ready to tell her she can’t be in the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Take some time to breath and relax even for 30 minutes. You will most likely cause yourself more stress by confronting her and there's the chance the friendship would be over. Ignore this specific problem. Focus on you and what you need to accomplish. In the grand scheme of things she is unimportant and sapping you of energy you need for your wedding day. Reevaluate the relationship after the wedding. 😉
    • Reply
  • Briana
    Savvy October 2021
    Briana ·
    • Flag
    Maybe offer to buy her dress and have her pay you back? I understand your frustration but it’s a little rude to ask someone to be in your wedding and then kick them out because they can’t afford the dress.
    I made sure I let my girls pick their own dress from an affordable site, and gave them a deadline. I also told them if they have financial issues, just talk to me about it and we’ll figure something out, even if I am paying for it in the end. I want the ladies that I asked, and I’ll make it work.
    • Reply
  • Leanne
    Super September 2020
    Leanne ·
    • Flag
    Girl, first of all some of these comments aren’t here arent exactly helpful. You shouldn’t have to pay for her dress IF she accepted your offer to be a bridesmaid. It can be expensive to pay for dress and shoes and all of that, but she excepted the offer. She could have declined.


    I would tell her “hey girl, dresses need to be ready to go no later than (date). If not, it’s not a big deal and I don’t want you to stress about it, you can just come as a guest. Let me know how it goes, I would hate to lose you by my side as a bridesmaid. “
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