Bridesmaid Issue

Maybe you could ask her to be in the wedding in some other way? She could do a reading at the ceremony or something.

Don't ask her too. It is your wedding. Tell them that you will be picking your own bridal party. They shouldn't make you feel guilty about your decision.

If you truly don't want her in the wedding party then don't ask her. But you could ask her to do a reading as Kelly suggested

I agree w/ Kathryn - this is your and FH's decision, they don't get to decide and make you feel guilty about it.

Maybe she can do a reading (if you're having any).

My personal opinion is that your aunt and the older cousin need to butt out. It's not their decision to make. They need to respect your choice. You can simply tell them that you've chosen the girls who are closest to you but would like it if the 17 year old can do a reading or something to that effect.

Don't ask her. Your aunt doesn't pick the bridal party, you do!

You pick the girls (or guys) you want standing by you, not your aunt.

Leave her out. If they really insist, she can be an usher or something to that nature

Keep it light... don't make it a bigger deal than it is, or you'll give others permission to make it a bigger deal.

Call your younger cousin - remove her sister and mom from the middle of this and treat her like an adult. Tell her, "I love you very much but I can't have everyone I love that much in the bridal party, we'd need a bigger hall! I'm just really excited you're going to be there, and I want you to have fun. Are we good?"

Then give her the chance to say "It's ok, I get it..." or, if she's immature, and she whines or complains, tell her that there's a lot of work and money involved, hundreds of dollars and she's going to be busy with school and bridesmaids aren't just about looking pretty, but they're actually doing work to help the bride - and that again, you love her but the bride has to choose the bridal party because if everyone who wanted to be in the bridal party could choose to be in it, it would be way out of hand.

If she still doesn't get it, tell her "I'm sorry you're taking this personally, becuase it's not personal - I hope you'll be at the wedding to support FH and me, and have fun with the rest of the family." and move on.

1. Wait to ask everyone. You have a lot of time. I asked soon after getting engaged and regret it. There are stories here of people falling out with family members after they were asked to be in the bridal party so wait.

2. Don't ask her. It's not your aunt or cousin's wedding. Don't cave on this. It opens the door to caving on other decisions you make as well. Deflect the request and use an excuse of you only want 8 BM's or need the bridal party even and FH doesn't have an additional person he wants to add. I've got ocd where I need everything in even numbers so that first excuse worked for me.

Rebecca, that is amazing advice! I will do that!

I'd go with the line of "I haven't made any decisions yet" (even if you really have). A lot can happen with interpersonal relationships in the next year, and your younger cousin may discover she doesn't have the time once she gets to college. Revisit the question once your ready to start asking your bridesmaids, in a few months.

I wouldn't ask her if u dont want her too, if i was fair and had all cousins in the wedding party because I'm having one there would be close to 30 girls standing up with me. Not happening

I didn't realize Aunts had a sat in who was in their niece's wedding party.

I disagree with Rebecca. I think that calling someone up and telling them they are not a bridesmaid just invites drama. I think you are better off not asking her, or asking her to do a reading or something, and then if she asks YOU if/why she's not a bridesmaid, you can tell her what Rebecca said. Straight up calling her up is just rude IMO. If someone called me up and told me that, I would say "we're good" but I would find it a lot more insulting than just never being asked.

I would just leave it with "we have not made any choices yet" and if she gets upset once you make choices - just explain that you made the best choices you could and you really hope that she isnt hurt. There is nothing more to it.... don't tell her its not personal it is personal.... you are personally not including her, and while your reasons are valid for not doing so, dont make your reason arbitrary by saying that it is not.....

Don't ask someone because you feel obligated. It doesn't ever work out well!

Wait... If you haven't asked yet, how is this an issue? You could ask the younger cousin to be an usher so you're still keeping her involved. She could get the same dress as the bridesmaids in black to match the other ushers' suits.

You have lots of time to let the initial drama fizzle out, so I also recommend sticking with "I haven't made any decisions yet." I have a younger cousin who was upset that she wasn't asked to be the flower girl, but she has since gotten over it and is still really excited for the wedding. I think I'm going to ask her to sit next to me and help me open gifts at the shower since the FG is really little; she'll get a "job" without having a crappy one bestowed upon her at the wedding, and will get to have a special moment with me. It sounds like the sister thought she'd get into the BP by association, but she is old enough to realize that not everyone can and will be chosen.

If you haven't made any final decisions yet then I would tell both your cousins that. 8 is a large bridal party! I upset a 'friend' because I did not choose her for my wedding party. She hasn't talked to me since... you may hurt feelings so tread lightly and be prepared