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Dedicated October 2016

Bridesmaid is upset she is not my Maid of Honor

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Private User, on February 10, 2016 at 1:42 PM

Please see her message to me in the comment below. She is my cousin and practically best friend. When I got engaged, I actually did not want a maid of honor but was informed they usually help plan my bridal shower and bach party. So, I instead decided to ask my friend of 10 year to be my bridesmaid as she is very reliable, creative, organized, inspiring and really just a damn good friend. She and I have never gotten into an argument whereas my cousin can be flaky, cancel plans last minute, not return my text for 2 days, and has started arguments with me plenty over the years over various things.

Ever since I told her who the MOH was, she's been really passive aggressive towards me so I finally asked her last night what was up and she said "I mean, I have a few thoughts but their just minor things I'll get over." Then said she'd message me on FB because it was 'too long' to text.

I'm annoyed about her message because to me, it screams selfishness, prideful, pity party, etc

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25 Comments

Super May 2016
Private User · on February 10, 2016 at 4:32 PM
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I agree with @NowaSeptMrs... you don't owe an explanation, and you don't need the drama. Just acknowledging her hurt feelings and telling her that you didn't mean to hurt her might help. I don't know that an apology is required, though.

But I do think it's odd that so many people are commenting on you choosing her for her "party planning skills" because I've seen many threads where a bride is venting about her MOH or a bridesmaid seriously slacking or being flakey. And THEN everyone tells you that you shouldn't have chosen her. Regardless, you choose who you want--you don't owe anyone an explanation.
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Master March 2017
BlueHenBride · on February 10, 2016 at 7:48 PM
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I think you should apologize to your cousin for her feelings getting hurt. She is one of your closest friends and aside from wanting to smooth things over to have a drama-free wedding, you probably want to make things right for the sake of your friendship! However, I do agree with PPs that have stated you don't owe her an explanation of why she wasn't chosen as MOH. I think it is only necessary to state as part of the apology that you consider all the girls you've chosen to be part of the bridal party to be your best friends. Let her know it was a difficult decision and was not meant to make anyone feel like you were ranking your best friends. Any further explanation than that will likely cause more damage.
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Master September 2017
StokedToBeASaucier · on February 10, 2016 at 7:54 PM
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Screw that. I wouldn't apologize. That's incredibly selfish. She says it's about you and your happiness but she obviously doesn't mean that because she is making it all about her.
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Master October 2014
StitchingBride · on February 10, 2016 at 8:04 PM
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Being honest doesn't mean that someone is doing the pity party thing. You asked her what was wrong and she told you. Also sounds to me that she's trying to be supportive and constructive.
As for her not being MOH, that decision is yours, and that's pretty much it. I guess I'd just responds with you telling her that you are happy that she's in the bridal party and you look forward to all the fun you hope to have with your Bridesmaids. Hopefully there's not a a lot worry about with your cousin, she's just disappointed that she's not the MOH.
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Master June 2016
Niki · on February 10, 2016 at 8:12 PM
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Not gonna lie, this crap is why i have zero bridesmaids, and my MoH is my sister. I'm not here for bridesmaids that make other people's weddings all about them.
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