Bridesmaid is uninterested

PS, ignore the typos as auto correct isn't always correct. *sigh*

Never ask a bridesmaid to step down unless you are willing to end the friendship. The expo is something you should do with your FS not your BMs. No one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are.

Asking someone to leave your bridal party is a good way to end a friendship. Unfortunately no one is ever going to be as excited about your wedding as you are, especially people who aren't really into pre-wedding things (and there are a lot). As long as she's doing the essential things (planning to attend the wedding, buying the dress you choose) everything else is optional. I know it sucks when people aren't as enthusiastic about pre-wedding things as you are, but the truth is they can be pretty boring if you're not the person getting married. A brial expo for someone who isn't getting married soon is like going to a babys-r-us if you're never planning on having kids.

Stacey, I just experienced the same situation just my BFF for over 30 years. I kindly asked her if she was going to be in the wedding or not. And that she need to get on board we have a wedding to plan. This is your day and your time to be excited &you will have enough to worry about and a billon of thibgs to plan. She would only bring down the whole team down with that nasty attitude and at this point you don't need or want that.. Best wishes & Happy planning !!! Congrats 🤗

Something you will learn fairly quickly is that "no one cares about your wedding as much as you do". You will see that over and over in this forum. 7 months into planning, trust me when I say it is the best advice out there. Everything but the wedding day is completely optional for Bridesmaids. And I mean, Everything, dress shopping, brunches, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, EVERYTHING. There's nothing wrong w her not wanting to take part in pre wedding gatherings. Also, you have to think about the time and financial commitment that all these activities require. She may be holding off as she knows more "activities" will be coming up. Asking her to step down will certainly pit a big dent if not end any relationship you had before the wedding. I would just ignore and hope that if anything is actually wrong she will tell you, but just because she's not "into it" doesn't mean that she doesn't want to stand with you and share your special day. It is her brother's wedding after all, I'm sure she will come around.

She obviously doesn’t feel like she’s missing out or she'd be participating. Asking her to step down would likely damage your friendship and your relationship with your FH’s family. She doesn’t have to attend bridal expos (really, they aren’t fun) and she doesn’t have to spend time bonding with the other bridesmaids. It sounds like you need to lower your expectations.

View Quoted Comment He works a lot of hours and his schedule is not the typical Monday through Friday 9-5 type deal. ALL of my BMs know this and said they would help me out, so, this is part of the reason I asked them in the first place.

View Quoted Comment I understand that, but I've always beef excited to help a friend, go the extra mile, we if it did include going to babysrus.

View Quoted Comment I agree with the not asking a bridesmaid to step down, but I disagree with you writing off her her feelings with "No one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. "
This is technically true, but the fact that this bridesmaid is not even trying to appear positive while attending wedding party related things is just rude, especially looking miserable in photos that are suppose to be gone memories captured in a picture. That's just rude. They don't have to be excited or attend everything, but they should not look miserable or unhappy unless something is wrong. I don't expect my bridesmaids to be excited about my wedding, but I know they want to look like they're having fun in pics at the very least.

Never ask a bridesmaid to step down unless you want to permanently ruin the relationship. This is your future husband’s sister. Do you want an uncomfortable relationship with her for the rest of your life?

Im sorry she’s not showing interest but MrsBdeG is right, no one is going to be as interested in your wedding as you are. I didn’t go to a bridal show for my own wedding, I didn’t want to, I didn’t need to. I wouldn’t go for someone else’s wedding. Her having a blank face versus her having a sour face is extremely different.

You said everyone knows someone else in your bridal party. If she knows someone else, perhaps you should talk to the other friend about involving your FSIL or being more of a friend towards her when you do these outings. It’s perfectly okay for you to invite her to Board and Brush but it’s also okay for her to have other plans. Maybe next time, you want to have a girls night, have her other friends reach out to her about the same event. If she only knows you, the bride, and none of the other girls, she’s probably just socially awkward because she doesn’t know anyone and she feels uncomfortable. I get uncomfortable when I’m hanging out in groups when I’m with only one person I knew. I am not saying you are doing this but I just want to put it in perspective from the BM side - My friend was a bridesmaid in a wedding and she and two other BMs only knew the bride. The bride insisted on them taking candid photos, hugging and jumping photos, posed pictures (every time they saw each other which was all wedding related only) acting like they had all known each other and been best friends for years. My friend was super uncomfortable the whole time because she felt fake. Again, I’m not saying you are doing that. But perhaps consider how awkward she might feel or the real reasoning behind her actions. She may have social anxiety or just feel weird.

I dont think shes done anything wrong. Your expectations are way to high. Stop pressuring her to act a certain way.

I meant good memories

View Quoted Comment I don't think I need to lower my expectations. I don't expect anyone to go or do anything they don't want. But what I do ask for is honesty.
What I did not mention, is that she is the high maintenance one. She constantly needs attention, and my instinct is that she is being distant because things are not revolving around her now.
What's even funnier, (Not haha, but puzzling) is that 2 of my other BMs contact me with things to do, asking if we can do these things. So no, it is not me or my "high expectations".

I realize it may not be her thing but she still could have sucked it up and gone with you. It's not like you told her she had to be in your wedding, she said yes!

View Quoted Comment My husband TA'd, worked on his thesis, and co-taught a class. He and I were in separate states for about half our engagement. I still never asked my BMs to come how to multiple different events. I can see them all agreeing to help out in the heat of getting asked to BM.

IMO bridesmaids have to buy a dress and show up reasonably sober to the wedding. I just remember being a bridesmaid and having the brides breathing down my neck to do something they consider fun but I have no time or money to be doing. If you want to end a friendship over an expo and a smile in a picture, I guess that's your prerogative.

View Quoted Comment I don't think it's rude to not be over the moon every time a picture is snapped. She may be dealin with stuff. My BMs were afraid to upset me so would just tell me nothing was wrong. I ended up finding out we had a dress appointment the same day my cousin totaled his truck (one bridesmaid was his sister and the other his wife). They seemed off and uninterested. They wanted me to not worry so didn't tell me. No one wants to upset a bride.

Im sure her BM has things going on. I also don't blame a BM for not wanting to go to an expo. That's just boring if you aren't getting married. A bridesmaid isn't a personal assistant. IMO they don't need to help the bride plan the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I'm not demanding my girls attend every single thing I may want to do. I ask if they are available first. I always give them any opportunity to say no, I'm not controlling their schedule. And as I said before, they ask me to do stuff, so why would I be the one with high expectations???

She does know 2 of the other girls so it's not that she's feeling awkward. She's very out going and talks/ mingles with everyone. I'm just feeling sad that she is acting this way and she won't tell me what is truly bothering her.

View Quoted Comment But if you have no expectations and she’s telling you nothing is wrong, why do you want to tell her to “buck up or step down”? You obviously have some expectations if you are thinking about removing her.

You can't ask someone to step down without severely damaging/destroying the relationship. This is also your future family, which would make it even more of a bad idea.

She doesn't have to be interested. She has to show up the day of with a dress and smile for pictures. She doesn't have to gush over you trying on dresses, she doesn't have to go to bridal shows with you, etc. No one cares about your wedding as much as you, and some people barely care about weddings at all, regardless of who they're for.

What you're asking for is honesty? She was honest, she said she didn't want to go. Would you rather she went and wasn't as excited as you want her to be? You'd just be here complaining about how her attitude ruined that for you.

If you have two super-excited bridesmaids, why don't you focus on that instead of being upset about the fact that you don't have three people fawning over you instead of two?

View Quoted Comment Um your wedding party isn’t there to plan your wedding. And they are definitely not a team. Where is your FS in the planning?