Bridesmaid is dropping out...

Let her drop out and move on , i had a BM drop out because FH is a Republican lol her response was she was not attending my " hillbilly trump lovin wedding" it could be worse lmao just let it go .

I would tell her that you're sorry she doesn't want to partake in any of the parties. She isn't obligated to attend them, but it is disrespectful that she is acting that way. As a bridesmaid, I would be honored to Shower the bride, especially knowing that I want the same in return. If she doesn't want to stand by your side than don't force her... but she will regret it and she shouldn't have accepted in the first place.

Yes just let her leave because she will ruin your time anyway.

4 hours is a long drive. And if she doesn't want to go to a rowdy bachelorette party, that's her choice.

Let her back out and move on. It's not a crisis.

She dropped out 3 months before the wedding after you paid for housing and her attire. Where were her "morals" in honoring her commitment?

You mentioned wanting to figure out the problem. She's judging you. That's the problem. If it helps, remember you want your wedding party filled with people who will celebrate your marriage. Not judge it and look down on it.

Say, ok, not a problem, thanks for letting me know!

There is something else going on here . My first guess would be the expenses.

Yeah I'd let her out forcing her to be in it won't be the best start to your new official relationship with her

So after you paid for her attire and accommodation she feels like its to much to come. Family or not, leave her alone. She ain't take her kids out to help your finances "morally".