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Emily
Devoted July 2017

Bridesmaid is dropping out...

Emily, on April 1, 2017 at 10:23 PM Posted in Planning 0 29

I guess I just need help figuring out the problem. My soon to be sister-in-law is one of my bridesmaids and lives about 4 hours away. She is refusing to come to the bridal shower without giving a reason besides a long drive and told me she wouldn't come to the bachelorette party because she has morals. I eventually got a message from her telling me she wants out and I feel like it's getting a bit ridiculous. How would you guys approach this situation?

29 Comments

Latest activity by Chanelle, on April 2, 2017 at 5:44 PM
  • K
    Dedicated November 2017
    Kally ·
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    I guess just respect her "morals".

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  • Miami2NorthernVA
    Master November 2017
    Miami2NorthernVA ·
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    I would let her out. It is fine if she didn't want to go to the bridal shower or bachelorette party (although a shitty reason was given to shame everyone else), but if she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid, let her out. You can have an uneven party. It doesn't matter.

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  • Jaimee
    Master October 2019
    Jaimee ·
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    I'd just let her leave. She's made it clear to you that she doesn't want to be in your bridal party and she has the right to make that choice.

    "I'm sorry you're dropping out! We can still have fun though with you attending the wedding as a guest! I hope to see you there and can't wait to celebrate with you!"

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  • Futuremrswilson
    Master June 2023
    Futuremrswilson ·
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    I can understand the shower and the long drive that's understandable....but what's immoral about a bridal shower? And why does she want to drop out? We need more information to help you.

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  • Del
    Master November 2017
    Del ·
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    She doesn't need to attend any pre-wedding parties, including your shower or bachelorette. That said, it doesn't look like there's anything for you to approach anymore. She's dropped out.

    Just tell her you respect her decision and look forward to seeing her at the wedding as a guest.

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  • Myss Gosha
    Just Said Yes April 2023
    Myss Gosha ·
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    Omg boo Facebook me I am going thru the exact situation ....I am not getting either becuz it's against her morals

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  • I
    Devoted June 2017
    Irene ·
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    If she wants out... Let her out

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  • Emily
    Devoted July 2017
    Emily ·
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    Thanks everyone! She wants out because the whole situation is making her uncomfortable. I guess it was weird because we are really close and her husband (best man) and kids are in the wedding so it was unexpected. She doesn't want to attend the bachelorette party because of the inappropriate things we do at them? I am having a low key one going out with just the bridesmaids.

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  • Helena Handbasket
    Master February 2016
    Helena Handbasket ·
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    Did you tell her that it was fine to not come to any of the pre wedding events? She's only required to show up in her dress soberish to wedding. You need to talk with her and let her know you don't have any expectations past that and if she still feels that way then she is more than welcome to come as a guest. Just make sure that you don't ruin this relationship as unlike if it was just a friend you could expect contact cut but with a sister in law you have to live with her in your life for a long time

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  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
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    What do you mean she won't give you a reason besides long drive for not coming to shower? She doesn't have to give you any reason. As to the bachelorette party, will there be stippers there? drinking? All she has to to be BM is show up, reasonably sober, in the dress. Of course, you can let her drop out, but if you are concerned about your relationship with your inlaws, I would just say no problem re party or shower.

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  • Future Mrs. Mash
    VIP September 2017
    Future Mrs. Mash ·
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    I had a similar situation last week with my BM who was my "best friend." My motto? One man down doesn't stop the show... keep it moving!

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  • Teri
    VIP May 2017
    Teri ·
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    Let her go.

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  • M
    Devoted April 2017
    Miranda ·
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    Sounds like she didn't want to from the beginning. I'd let her out so then there's no more in needed drama.

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  • Jillian
    Master June 2019
    Jillian ·
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    Ugh why do people say yes?! Accept her coming as guest and don't let it ruin the relationship. Honestly with her whole family in the wedding I can't imagine how pricey that is.. maybe that has something to do with it.

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  • J. Clo
    Master May 2018
    J. Clo ·
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    I'd let her go and not sweat it. There could be a whole host of reasons as to why does not want to participate anymore. When you send out your invites to the wedding invite her as a guest (if you have not already done so).

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  • Emily
    Devoted July 2017
    Emily ·
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    @Jillian: We are paying for all the attire and accommodations for them Smiley sad Just a little disappointing.

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  • MrsCalderon
    VIP December 2016
    MrsCalderon ·
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    She probably just doesn't like all the penis stuff. I understand that, I don't like any of that stuff either but whatever, don't take it personal and just let her do her thing

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  • BlushingBride
    VIP October 2017
    BlushingBride ·
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    I can definitely see how that can be hurtful since you said you guys are close. As hurt as you may be, try not to let this ruin your relationship. You guys are going to be family now :/

    You mentioned you guys are paying for all the attire? If you're weddings in July, I'm assuming you already ordered her dress. Now that part I think is rather shitty. Maybe she'll come around...

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  • Vanessa
    VIP November 2017
    Vanessa ·
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    Let it go. She shows up good. If not....oh well.

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  • Mrs.HeThinksI'mBossy
    Expert May 2018
    Mrs.HeThinksI'mBossy ·
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    Tell her your disappointed and will respect her decision. She can enjoy it as a guest. Try not to take it personally. This is about her and not you or anything you've done

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