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Just Said Yes August 2021

Bridesmaid hurtful conversation

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Chelsea, on March 24, 2021 at 11:34 PM

I've been friends with this bridesmaid since college, we live 4 hours apart and basically have a long distance relationship with phone conversations every 1-2 months. She was the first to bring up being a bridesmaid in my wedding years ago when I first started planning.
Tonight we were having a usual conversation when eventually it got to wedding talk and said my concerns of her not wanting the covid vaccine and she said things like, I hate weddings, I wanted yours to be over with last year (postponed cuz of covid). This caught be of guard and she also said she feels obligated to be my bridesmaid. I started getting upset and said if she didn't want to she didn't have to. Then she said, you and him fight all the time any way, just stop. I was flabbergasted! I said, you're the one I talk to about that stuff! And I was getting upset so I ended the conversation.
What should I do? What could I say? If she says she loves me but yet doesn't care about how important it is for us to celebrate and thinks our marriage is a fraud, is it worth trying to appease to her and make peace?

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24 Comments

VIP August 2021
Katie · on March 26, 2021 at 7:30 AM
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Absolutely agree. I see people vent all the time to their friends about their relationship. Then when the friends speak up about how they think the relationship is toxic because of what you told them, they are made out to be the bad guy, this horrible unsupportive friend.
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Dedicated June 2021
EmeraldBride · on March 26, 2021 at 1:54 PM
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Okay... so I can kind of relate to this except I am the friend in the story. My best friend who I love dearly.. she is in a relationship with the father of her 2 children. They are literally only together for the sake of the children. Do I agree with this? Not really. I have voiced this to her before and it is so incredibly difficult to share that with her. Nevertheless, I have told her that I would support her whichever way she decided to go in the relationship.
There are more details that I am leaving out because they are irrelevant to your situation. I only shared that to offer a different perspective. Bottom line - if you are happy that is what matters. It sounds like you need to have a conversation with her and talk about what the other is feeling. Maybe she doesn't hear you talk about the good times as much as the bad stuff in between? Hmmm. Good luck OP!
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on March 26, 2021 at 2:06 PM
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Agree with this. There are 3 sides to a story: what the person in the relationship sees, what the outsider sees, and the truth of what is really happening. Unless you are in the relationship, you can't judge what is actually occurring behind closed doors that no one mentions or may have been exaggerated in a moment of frustration.
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Devoted May 2023
Megan · on March 26, 2021 at 3:23 PM
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It sounds like she is against the person you're marrying and lashing out over that vs weddings in general. If my best friend was marrying someone she told me she fought with all the time, I would also be pretty upset, especially the closer the wedding got to becoming reality. Maybe she had assumed it would've been called off during COVID .
Is there truth to her concerns? Telling her in confidence that there's a lot of fighting doesn't mean she can't be judgemental about furthering relationship choices.
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