Bridesmaid hurtful conversation

I have an itching suspicion that perhaps your friend is in a dark place at the moment. Given that it was her who brought up the whole notion of being a bridesmaid, this sudden change of attitude sounds to me like she may be possibly dealing with some issues of her own and perhaps snapped at you about this because of pent up anger and frustrations she has from elsewhere? COVID has affected all of us in one way or another whether we realise it or not and it could be that she’s in a tough place at the moment (including for other reasons).

If it were me, I would give her a few days and then reach out to her and see if she is ok. If this behaviour continues, the line may be drawn in the sand at that may be it, but I think you should first see if it’s just her being negative because of external factors and check in on her as her friend.

Has she given you any reason to suspect that she’s been dishonest with you? Personally I can’t think of what she has to gain by lying to you about wanting to be (and volunteering to be) your bridesmaid.

In any event, I don’t think you have anything to lose by speaking to her and it will give you a better understanding on what is actually going on as opposed to you walking on eggshells making assumptions?

Until you speak to her, you will not know any more about where your friend is coming from and it will be pure speculation. If you want her to share her true feelings, ask her to. She may genuinely not believe the legitimacy of your relationship, or she may just be in a dark place and snarky because of anger she has built up that she’s (unjustly) taken out on you, but, you won’t know until you at least try speak to her.

I agree with the person who commented above in that what she said probably isn't really how she feels, or at least it isn't how she has always felt. I also suspect that she may be one of the countless people who's mental health has suffered dramatically during the pandemic. As a friend you may want to reach out to her and see if she'll open up about what's really going on. But realize that you can offer support but she may not take it. Also, she may be struggling but it was still wrong of her to be so mean to you, and you're justified in your hurt feelings.

I'm going to play devils advocate some --

Not that what she said wasn't hurtful, because I totally agree that it was! But it sounds to me like she may be going through her own troubles and may have word-vomited and said what she said after your wedding was brought up. Luckily, I haven't had to postpone but I imagine that that in itself is a huge burden of it's own, for you especially, but it may be a lot for some of your wedding party too. She very well could feel somewhat obligated to follow through with the wedding after it's been moved around. Not that she loves you or cares for your friendship any less, but she may feel a little overwhelmed by the prolonged wedding talk -- l've been engaged for 6 months and I, myself, get tired of even having to think about my own wedding planning sometimes! LOL

As for the comment made about your relationship - ouch. Unfortunately, you have to be extremely careful about how much tea you spill to your friends and family about your relationship troubles. You forgive your partner for the little insignificant fusses, but your friends may not. So I would find a line between being transparent with them and keeping some of your marital/relationship struggles to work out alone with your SO.

To answer your question, I would probably let the dust settle. This just happened last night, so I would sit on it for a little while. Even then, I may not directly address it right away. Treat her as you normally would, and maybe casually tell her that you value her friendship and hope that she doesn't really feel obligated. Maybe even mention that you confide a lot of your relationship ups and downs in her, and that it may be unfair to put some of those burdens on her.

This was a rant! But just my thoughts on it. Good luck, girl!! I hope it all works out and your friendship isn't harmed!

I don't know your friend but she sounds like my best friend, My best friend doesn't have a filter and she calls it like it is. While she has hurt my feelings a time or two, she is my voice of reason and told me that I should leave my ex to thank god I did because of her I am now with my fiance who I swear hung the moon. she is my voice of reason when I cant be. my point if one of my friends said that you fight all the time I would take a step back and evaluate the relationship. like pps said engagement is supposed to be the easy part

I agree with this. Talk to her to get to the bottom of it. Let her know she is free to back out if she no longer supports you.

Personally I think she may be jealous of you getting married and she is not. If she does not want to be in the wedding don't force her because it could become very uncomfortable if she starts saying things at the wedding.

I agree with others who have suggested maybe she's in a dark place right now.

But I think an important lesson here is this: stop telling her every time you fight.

You see the other side of your FH. If you guys are great 95% of the time, and fight 5% of the time, but all she hears about is the 5%, then to her, you fight 100% of the time.

Talk to her. Find out if something else is bothering her, or if she really does have legitimate concerns about your relationship. You're either going to find out you tell her too much negative and not enough positive, or you're going to expose a harsh truth.