Bridesmaid help?

Can you demote her to just doing a reading or something? Maybe blame it on her starting school? Do you think your fiance could help facilitate a conversation with his mom?

View Quoted Comment I could try, she already has a snooty personality and blows up when something doesn’t go her way. I’m going to have him talk to her

View Quoted Comment Uh, good luck. She sounds like a gaslighter. My sister is one. She was scheduled for a visit the day after I got engaged. Two days later she blew up because I had the nerve to ask her to meet my FBIL and his wife. She said my FSIL was too old to be a bridesmaid asked why she had to meet FH's family at all and got drunk every night she was here. She left 2 days early and has made it clear we're done. My 13 yo niece who was here for the ugliness agrees with her that everything was all my fault even though my sister said I'm dead to her. Haven't talked to her in 3 months. FH is furious that she ruined our engagement and scared that if we open the door again it will only invite her to act crazy especially if she doesn't apologize, which she never will. He doesnt even want me to invite her and her family to our wedding. I'm hopeful that time and space will help, but I dunno if I even want it to?

Umm if she can’t or won’t come to the wedding then how can she be a bridesmaid?

Okay, no, don't "demote" her. That's asking for trouble with your in laws before you've even joined the family. Let her know that the wedding date is set, and you're sorry that it might be an inconvenience for her, but it cannot be changed. You understand if she cannot make it due to conflicting plans, but you need to know by X date if she will be in the bridal party so that you can continue your planning. Put the ball in her court and let her figure out it.

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I agree with Caytlyn. This is the best way to do this. She sounds very childish and immature and she is expecting an equal response back from you. Just lay out for her what it's going to be, and she may feel ashamed of her actions, she may not. Either way, you win, and you were the adult about it.

Thank you everyone. It just sucks because we’ve always been super close like sisters and she was SO excited for the wedding until she found out she’s “just a bridesmaid”. I understand being a freshman in college and not wanting to fall behind but She makes me feel like garbage for not scheduling everything around her schedule. She keeps saying stuff like “schools more important than a boring wedding”, “If my grade drops even a little because of your stupid wedding I swear to god”, and other hurtful comments. I’m worried we’ll buy her a dress and everything for her to decide last minute not to show up. But I am going to talk to my fiancé and FMIL about everything

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Hi Randi!

I'm sorry to read about this situation and how hurtful your FSIL is being.

I think you're approaching this in the right way speaking with your FH and FMIL!

Just wanted to let you know that the community is here if you need anything or to vent in future

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That does suck. Since you have been so close in the past maybe it's time to meet up for a coffee and chat a kettle about how you feel and what she may be really feeling.

I agree with the previous posters that you should put the ball in her court. But let her know exactly how she's making you feel, too. Open communication is so important. I personally had to do this with a bridesmaid -- she simply stopped answering my calls, texts, Snaps. Gave her a cut off date and told her that I wanted her to be a part of my day, but if she'd prefer to attend as a guest that's ok too. Told her that if I didn't hear from her by X date, I'd have to move on without her. It sucks but it's not worth the stress it puts on you.