Bridesmaid got me down.

Okay, shit happens no big deal. I did ask her at that point if she really did want to be in the BP and that no matter her choice she was still one of my great friends and of course would still be invited to the wedding. She said she still wanted to be in it and eventually got a dress on her own. Next, I ask all my girls if they want to do the bachelorette party the same weekend as the wedding (I’m getting married Sunday of memorial weekend) so that it is basically all one big event or if they would like to make separate trips out of it. Bridesmaid A wanted to just one big weekend, the other girls agreed…. The bridal shower, Bridesmaid A couldn’t attend that (totally fine, I get it! We all have lives). So now here was are like 10 days out from my wedding and Bridesmaid A tells me that she is taking the train in on Friday (because she doesn’t want to drive that far) and will be getting in at 8pm and which point my bachelorette party will have already started. Okay, that is fine. She is an adult so she is able to figure out how to get from the train station to where we will be at that point and where to put her luggage, not worried about it. So then I ask if she is staying at the hotel on Sunday night after the reception because I didn’t see her name on the list and we are providing transportation for our guests at the end of the night back to the hotel so they don’t have to drink and drive. She tells me that she is renting a car and driving home after the wedding reception… WHAT?!?! It is a 5 and half hour drive…. Seriously I was dumbfounded….but she is an adult. So I tell her that is fine but that I highly suggest that she get a room because it will be a long weekend. Driving from Michigan to Indiana after a wedding and reception sounds downright crazy.

Okay so I talk to her today and she tells me that she booked a room for Sunday and is now just going to drive here and then drive home on Monday. That’s great, I asked her if she will be arriving any earlier on Friday since she is now not running on the train schedule? Nope, she still plans on getting her at 8pm…. Okay. So I get it, she hasn’t actually done anything “wrong” but I feel like she doesn’t care or want to participate in any of my wedding activities and it makes me feel hurt. I wish I would have invited her as a guest. I have considered reasons why this is the situation… like can she not get off work? Nope, she told me she is off on Thursday and had originally planned on going over to Canada after the wedding for a few days (her date isn’t coming now so that plan is a bust) so it doesn’t sound like she is on too much of a time constriction. Not to mention she has had all these dates for a year and her work is pretty flexible about time off.

Maybe she doesn’t have the money? Well, this is possible. I wish she would just say that though. I would help. I would be disappointed because literally 2 weeks ago she got back from a week trip to Mexico (and again my wedding plans have been set for over a year) and she recently went to Chicago for a long weekend. So if that is the case then it has been poor planning on her part but I would help her out if she just told me!

She doesn’t have kids, a boyfriend/husband or own a home, so those commitments aren’t getting in the way.

I’m not really looking for advice because there isn’t anything to do, except let it go and hope that she comes and has a good time but it does make me feel bummed out and kinda hurt my feelings that someone I have been so close to is making me feel like she doesn’t care about sharing the weekend festivities with me.

Note to other future brides: no matter how excited you are about being newly engaged, wait to ask your wedding party.

Awe, hugs my friend.

Just remember that the priority will be you having fun and become a Mrs! Who knows whats going on with her but try not to waste any more time worrying about that which you cannot change

You're right - let it go. Her life does NOT revolve around your wedding, and you shouldn't expect it to.

Advice: just vent here and get over it. I understand what you're saying, but enthusiasm isn't a requirement to be a bridesmaid. She got the dress. She's showing up.

I know it sucks when you expect more from your friends and they disappoint. Truth is she could be going through stuff she hasn't talked to you about. Let it go.

You're getting married in ten days!! This is minor stuff. Don't lose perspective of the big picture.

Sending you hugs.

Try not to sweat this too much. I went through this exact thing and it didn't end well. I won't get into it. But chin up

@oliviap I didn't plan my own bachelorette party. Could you come off a little more rude? I mean, did you even read it all? I'm just feeling a little bummed out.

It sounds like you are way over analyzing it. She is your friend but like you said, she does have her own life. She already spent money on a dress so most likely she will still come to the wedding. If she is late /doesn't make it to the pre-events, her loss.

I know it's a bummer that she's not more excited but some people need clear Direction. what is with you planning your own bachelorette party? it sounds like all of your bridesmaids are kind of slacking

Who cares? I was a BM and I didn't travel for any showers or bachelorette parties. Doesn't mean I didn't want to be a BM any less. I didn't have the finances or ability to make the multiple trips, but that didn't mean I was any less of a friend.

Let it go. You're reading into it.

No one is being hateful. Chill the fuck out.

I have talked to all of my BP about non-wedding stuff all the time. I have hardly talked about planning with any of them except my MOH (who is the one asking me 90%). I didn't even want a wedding like this, I wanted a destination so trust me I am not all about my wedding with my friends and family. I really don't like talking about it That much because it's already taking up so much of my time.

I am very laid back about pretty much everything regarding the wedding. I'm not stressing out too much about her coming in late. I just hoped that someone I don't see all the time would be more excited to be a part of it, all the other girls are (which I'm thankful for).

I just wanted to type it all out, post it somewhere she'll never see it and move on from it.

Some of the comments are downright presumptuous and unnecessary. Op sorry you are feeling bummed.

You did say she did something wrong though. This whole post is a list of the stuff you think she's done wrong...

Try focusing on the positive. Don't let yourself focus on just one person/friend/BM. You have too much going on to do this to yourself. Like you said, let it go. As someone who just got married last month, I was surprised by the lack of enthusiasm by some guests/BP, but even more surprised, grateful for the abundance of joy and gratitude by other guests/BP. With all the stress that comes with planning, don't forget to enjoy being engaged. With this particular BM, she bought the dress and is planning on attending, hotel and all, let yourself be happy. Also, keep in mind some brides get ghosted by their BM or communication is very poor, consider yourself lucky that this isn't the case.

I get that you are disappointed to some degree but the way I see it you have two options: you can wallow in your own self pity or you can brush it off and enjoy this very exciting time in your life. Bottom line, you cannot control other adults no matter how hard you try. And you will only cause yourself unnecessary stress by fixating on this. You are going to have enough to handle and take on in the next 10 days, trust me!

@OP - I totally get it. 4 of my bridesmaids are out of state, and only two of them were able to make it in for the shower/bachelorette weekend. I was bummed because I wanted to see them and share that time with them, but I totally get it (as I think you do too) that time/money/life got in the way. I'm glad your friend is at least still coming in for the wedding, and that you have the MOH to work through your wedding woes with. Hang in there!

Just because she can't come to all of these things doesn't mean she isn't excited or doesn't care. She might just not be able to do them for whatever her reasons are. I think the problem is that it seems like you're putting a direct correlation between how much she cares about YOU to how much she cares about your wedding.

I'm MOH for my friend in December, and I'm already kind of over this wedding. Like I love her, and I'm so beyond happy that she finally found her FH and I know she's so happy, but I have so much else going on in my life right now that her wedding is extremely low on my list of things I care about. It doesn't mean I don't love her or care about her or am not happy for her, but I'm not dying over her wedding.

I get that's annoying but like you kept saying, she's an adult. Here whereabouts are not your concern as long as she shows up to the wedding

I can see why you would be upset here, you of course hope that your friends are excited for you! Could it be that since your friend is single she is feeling some what left behind? I know for a long time it was so difficult for me to be enthusiastic about my friends weddings when my own personal life wasn't going so well. Your day is going to be great either way!

Vent away....

Just a thought--Others have their own battles and may not be feeling celebratory, even if they should. She may not talk about it because she doesn't want to rain on your parade. She may also be shielding you from details because she cares about you. As someone who has been unexpectedly "single again" for 12 years, wedding-related events were sometimes miserable. I dealt with them by picking and choosing the events to attend. The duration of attendance didn't reflect how I felt about the bride.

Part of your end of the friendship may be your allowing her the space she needs to deal with her mixed emotions and recognizing that it's a big deal that she cares enough about you to be there.