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Super May 2019

Bridesmaid Frustration

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Megan, on February 18, 2019 at 7:48 PM

My MOH (my cousin) and 1 of my bridesmaids are nurses. They both work every other weekend but opposite weekends. Originally, my bachelorette party was supposed to be 4/12-4/14 but bridesmaid had to work that weekend so my MOH changed it to accommodate her and then had to figure out what to do for her work schedule. Fast forward after plans are made, airbnb booked and we are talking about what time we will leave on friday morning (6 hour drive to Nashville from ohio) bridesmaid said she has to work and can’t leave until 2 or 3. What?? She says she didn’t realize we would leave that early. I’m just baffled why it would make sense to her to rent an airbnb for 2 nights but not get there until 10/11pm on friday...or why we would drive 6 hours for basically one night??? Sooo now she probably isn’t going, after the weekend to was changed specifically for her! Not to mention that my bridal shower and wedding are also on the weekends she works. She took off for my wedding but she probably won’t make my bridal shower or the rehearsal on Friday evening....or a couple of the other things going on for the bridal party ore-wedding (diy flowers at florist and getting nails done together)

I realize people have work it’s just frustrating to me bc she isn’t going to make ANY wedding events and I want her to be there! Also she recently went on a weekend trip and I know for a fact she left Thursday evening and therefore had that Friday off so I don’t understand why she can’t do the same for my bachelorette party? To answer the question I know is coming, she was really excited when I asked her to be in my wedding and her husband even told me (when she wasn’t around) that she is really excited.

Did anyone else have a bridesmaid(s) that didn’t come to any of your pre-wedding events??

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28 Comments

Just Said Yes October 2019
Alyssa · on March 6, 2019 at 8:52 PM
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I am going through the same exact thing with one of my bridesmaids. We’re both nurses so if anyone understands the schedule demands, I do! I find it frustrating that she was notified 8 months in advance and is making no effort to switch weekends with someone-which is done ALL the time at our hospital. I am always there for her when she needs me, so to know it’s not being reciprocated is definitely frustrating. Not to mention, my MOH kept the bachelorette extremely affordable bc she was the one complaining about not wanting to spend a lot of money. When I asked her to be a bridesmaid I acknowledged the financial burden it would impose, and explained that I would totally understand if she couldn’t do it - she said absolutely to being a bridesmaid and that it wouldn’t be an issue. In my mind being a bridesmaid is more than someone standing next to you, but being there for you throughout the process and celebrating along the way! I hope everything works out for you but remember, your day will come regardless and it will be amazing!
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Beginner July 2019
MO123 · on March 7, 2019 at 12:55 AM
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I'm a nurse and also work odd shifts and weekends, but I do feel your frustration is totally justified. It would be different if she was up front and said "I won't make it to X, Y, and Z because of my schedule and I'm sorry" but it sounds like that wasn't the case and that she didn't necessary try to make the dates work It's challenging, but it is possible to ask for time off/switches ahead of time. Of course, none of it is guaranteed, but to only make it to the wedding (when that wasn't the original plan) would be super frustrating! I agree being a bridesmaid is much more than just standing next to you on your big day. Does she know how you feel about the situation? I would make sure she knows in a respectful day, there's a chance (?) she doesn't know how much it means to you. Always worth a shot, but I hope you enjoy your trip either way!
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on March 7, 2019 at 1:20 AM
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I get what you are saying but what can the bridesmaid do? She has to work.
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on March 7, 2019 at 1:23 AM
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I completely get why you are upset. Maybe she can drive 3 hours the on Friday night then get a hotel. Then do 3 more hours Saturday morning? I know she will not be there for the whole thing. But at least she can do half of it.
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Super May 2019
Megan · on March 7, 2019 at 9:04 AM
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Ugh I'm sorry you are going through it too! I totally agree a bridesmaid is more than someone just standing up there with you.
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Super May 2019
Megan · on March 7, 2019 at 9:11 AM
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Yes I'm just frustrated because the weekend was planned around her schedule and now she isn't coming. And now, because of that my bridal shower is on the weekend she does work, so she isn't coming to that either! Also because I know she switched shifts and/or took off another time for one of her friends out of town birthday weekends and I guess I just feel disappointed that my bachelorette isn't important enough for her to do that...or that she used up all her vacation or switch favors when she has known since September she was in my wedding and these events would be coming up.
When she told me she wasn't coming I told her I was disappointed and also told her I didn't understand why because the weekend was switched specifically for her. I want to send her a text to tell her how I feel but I have a way of coming off in a more bi^&*@ way than I intend ha.
It just upsets me because I don't have very many ladies I am close with and if it were me in my friends wedding, I would have been counting how many vacation days I had and saving them and/or doing anything I could to be able to go to her events to be there for her
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Super September 2021
Stephanie · on March 7, 2019 at 9:22 AM
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My best friend just got married in Oct. I was a MOH and so was her other friend. Her other MOH started planning her shower and was so excited but things came up for her being in school, and She didn't make it too anything including the shower she started planning. So i ended up finishing the shower, and anything else she needed. My best friend was very upset because it happened but she leaned on me a lot. She made it thur it and after the fact she was glad how it all turned out.
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on March 7, 2019 at 11:01 AM
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I definitely understand wanting a member of the wedding party to be there for everything, and being disappointed that it really isn't feasible for them. I'm still waiting to hear from my MOH about her availability. Kidding, she may not even be cleared to make it to the wedding. She's in her third trimester and lives in another state.
When it comes to stuff like that, I'm really flexible though. I really didn't think she'd even be up for being involved in any type of planning, financing herself, etc. I just wanted to honor my best friend. I covered her dress, and am planning a "cardboard cut-out" just in case. She's still my MOH whether she's there physically or not.
Yes, it can be sad, but it really is unavoidable sometimes. I work in the behavioral health field, and used to be an "essential employee." It's similar to nursing, where you don't really get a lot of flexibility with scheduling. Maybe with getting overtime, but not with getting time off!
Anyways, I hope things work out, and she's there as much as possible to help you celebrate.
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