Bridesmaid drops out due to fight with fiance.

I think the bigger problem is that your FH is lashing out at you for no reason. That is NOT okay! You can try to work it out between the two of you, or seek professional counseling, but he needs to respect you and not flip out on you or your friend. Please do not marry a guy that has a short temper that you do not know how to handle. That is a recipe for heartbreak or worse! If you can work past that issue with him, then try to fix the bridesmaid issue. The health of the marriage always comes before the wedding!

She has a valid concern. If she feels she cannot support your potential marriage, then it is her prerogative to drop out. Put all planning on hold until you and him work this out or move on. I would not marry anyone who behaved like that, no matter who they are.

Not playing devil’s advocate by any means, but what do you mean by “lashing out” and what was the lashing out about? This is such a broad discussion to have an answer to without any back story of what happened! Your fiancé should absolutely not be flipping out on you or your friend - but what happened?!

Don't marry someone who has such a short fuse that he'll flip out on you AND your friend for no reason. That is a huge red flag.


It's bad enough when a person lashes out at their significant other. But when they also do it to a bystander, someone who is not close to them, and would not be as forgiving or understanding as loved one would be, that shows how little self control they have.

You follow her and leave him. Do not marry someone so short tempered.

Well.... First of all, counseling! Asap. Go separately and in other times go together. Talk to the counselor how bad his behavior is and if he if willing to change at all. Does he realize that he has a short fuse?

Let go & God because that’s a lot.

She’s decided not to be around someone who doesn’t treat her with respect. So many people don’t get to that point for a long time.
A common tactic of abusers is to behave badly around their significant other’s friends and family to isolate them.

I can’t see marriage being any better, sadly, 1. Start therapy immediately. 2. Let her drop out and respect her decision. Best wishes!

Respect her decision and love her for loving you enough to make a hard decision she feels is right, even if you don't. Let her know that if she changes her mind, her place beside you on your day will be waiting for her.
We don't have enough information here to villainize your FH. That said, I truly believe that every person would benefit from counseling, so I will always support that suggestion, even if there wasn't a lashing out. If you're too afraid to bring up counseling to your FH because you fear a violent or angry reaction, then you might want to think long and hard about the life and future that means for you and your future kids. You would also benefit from going to counseling on your own as well.

She saw a red flag and doesn’t want to enable something she sees as unhealthy. I’d take her insight to heart.

View Quoted Comment THIS!!!!!!!!

Good for your friend. Seems like a smart girl.

You are getting excellent advice. Prayerfully, you will seek counseling and make sure your relationship is a healthy one. The wedding and planning is never more important than the healthiness of your relationship.

I ignored red flags like this and made a horrible decision to get married years ago and it was nothing but a painful, violent relationship that was toxic to me, my children that were born and my family. Do NOT ignore red flags.

Blowing out can be yelling and stamping your feet, no violence directly to anyone, and no abusive, just frustrated and angry because of it, and rightly directed at the one causing the problem. OR Lashing out can be angry and abusive, and often physical, and all out of proportion to whatever happened, often the lashing out is far worse than what provoked it.
Without knowing, there is no way to judge.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. My good friend was in an abusive relationship and I always tried to get her away from him. They got engaged and she asked me to be in the wedding, I told her I'd have to respectfully decline and that I would not be attending the wedding because I don't support their relationship. I told her I couldn't with good intentions attend and pretend to be ok with her marring the devil. 6 months into their engagement she finally had enough of his behavior and left. I gave her a place to stay and helped her back on her feet. That was about 8 years ago. Today she is happily married to a man who truly treats her amazing, they have 3 beautiful kids together. And every now and then she always thanks me.


I'm sure your friend has seen more than just that one incident and finally had enough of it. I think maybe you should take a step back and try to see what she sees. The heart tends to blind the eyes.

Your fiancé needs to apologise to her. He was out of line for lashing out at her.


I wouldn’t necessarily call the wedding off. Depends what he lashed out about and if he was justified? I know I sometimes have a temper and need a good yelling session. I’m not proud of it but I can’t imagine yelling at my SO in front of his friends.

I agree with the ladies regarding understanding the context of his lashing out. Not enough info to make an opinion. You know your man better than anyone.. Give yourself the benefit to know your relationship better than anyone to know what's obvious constant toxic issue to a falling out. Also what is lashing out to you? Did your friend n hubby get a long pretty good prior to this? Many factors, however I'm sure you will make a wise decision. Talk to them both! Wishing you the best.

I agree with the comments about your friend just being concerned. That's definitely a true friend that doesn't want to see you hurt. As for your fiancé, all of us are unsure as to what happened or what lead to him to snap and we are in no position to tell you what to do as far as your relationship. But if he does this quite often (snapping for no reason or out of the blue) can I suggest that you both should check out premarital counseling? That will possibly help and give him techniques on how to stay calm or maybe help him discover that he needs other therapy? I have heard of many couples going to premarital counseling and some say it's fun, others say that they have gained something out of it. Like I said, just a suggestion and I understand that therapy isn't for everyone. Good luck on whatever you choose!

View Quoted Comment Thank you everybody for all of the input I really appreciate it, I was so hurt and lost for words yesterday and still haven't heard from her at all. He was out of line for getting upset at me it was jealousy is what he claims. It's too long of a story to explain in detail as for why exactly he was upset but I am grateful for her looking out for me but I wish she could talk about it before making a brash decision. We have been through this before and both know he needs counseling for his temper problem, he's too old to just fly off the handle when he gets upset.
I have been through hell planning this wedding three times over because of covid we got him engaged in 2019 and can finally have our wedding in May of 21.

He has had a grudge towards her for a while because he thinks she uses me which is questionable. I believe she is my friend but blows me off a lot too, and In essence I guess this is showing me true colors of both parties. I just wish she was more sympathetic about things. But I'm trying to see it from both angles. She was in an abusive relationship so it was a soft spot for her. Going to leave things alone for a little while and pray. Thank you all again for your help.❤️🙏