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VIP November 2019

Bridesmaid dropped out (vent ish)

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Katie, on February 10, 2019 at 5:50 AM

Hi! So I had three bridesmaids and a matron of honor . Three of the girls live up here in md and one is in Georgia . Well the one in Georgia was obviously feeling left out and I was trying to keep her included as much as possible . She had started off complaining about money issues and I get it. But we are all struggling. ( my FH and I are paying for our whole wedding )

yesterday, my bridal party had an appointment at David’s bridal and the plan was everyone could pick out a different style dress as long as it was the color I wanted . All of my girls ended loving the same dress. So I texted my friend in Georgia. She hated the dress and she was like I’m not spending $200 on this dress. I even found it on a resale site for 60 dollars cheaper. She still said no and then was like I don’t think I can be in your wedding now.

And this is after 12 years of friendship. I understand her reasoning and I’m not mad. Just sad and wished she would have given it a chance

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23 Comments

Dedicated January 2022
Aubrianna · on February 10, 2019 at 9:03 AM
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Hey Katie!
Thanks for your post!
So, I'm really sorry about your situation. You both must be feeling a flood of different emotions. She wants to be able to make it, but it seems that financial stressors have made her lose hope in her ability.
In previous comments, people have voiced their understanding for your friend and I feel the same way. One of my bridesmaids, and one of my most loyal, trusting friends, is extremely burdened by monetary issues right now. Because her presence on my wedding day is such a priority, I've offered (in secret) to cover the costs of her accommodations. Although I'm not covering the cost of her attire, I've allowed each of my bridesmaids to pick out dresses that they would prefer to wear (as some of my bridesmaids are MUCH more well off than I am and would bankrupt the rest of us if they had a say in the dress we all wore).
My suggesting would be to try and ease some of her distress by allowing her to wear something she picks, and you agree with. Since she's your MO, it wouldn't look incredibly out of place for her to be wearing something different. Taking away even one thing she has to pay for might lift that burden a bit, and make her feel like she has better chance at attending, and will keep her from lashing out at you. It isn't easy being supportive from afar, especially when you have personal issues to deal with. She's the maid of honor, after all, would you rather her wear something she liked and could afford, or would you rather her not show?
Again, thanks for your post. Reading about conflicts that occur like this help me prepare for my own wedding, as I'm sure there will be many more "bridesmaidzilla" occurrences for both of us to deal with!
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Master December 2019
Alyssa · on February 10, 2019 at 8:34 PM
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Yep

i try and just look for the grains of useful information and let the rest roll off

Im sorry your friend had to drop out and I hope you can see her soon just to catch up
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Savvy October 2019
Caitlin · on February 11, 2019 at 3:10 PM
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Ugh, I am sorry some people are responding so negatively to your post. I don't think you've done anything wrong and have tried your best to include her (Facetimes, finding her cheaper versions of the dress, and so on). I feel like this site is always very quick to defend bridesmaids even when maybe they shouldn't. I don't think she is handling the situation well and, like you, I think she is moreso feeling left out than worried about the cost of a dress. If you're looking this many months out - she has tons of time to save money, wait on a sale at DB, or find the dress second hand.
Also, I don't understand what's so wrong with everyone liking one dress and then expecting to wear the same. It's not her wedding. I have worn dresses I will NEVER wear again and did not like because it's what my friend asked me to do. It's one day - I do not see the big deal.
I hope after some time has passed you guys can have a talk and she can explain what is really wrong and if she is really out of the wedding that the stress isn't too much on you and that you guys work it all out.
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