Bridesmaid Dropout..

Ouch- that's gotta hurt... I'm sorry your friend dropped out of your wedding and is more interested in this guy and her own impending nuptials. I would recommend letting it blow over and after she's calmed down a smidge regarding the guy, maybe try to reconnect? I don't know..

I think it definitely warrants a phone call at some point. I would give it a few days to let things calm down a bit, plan out what you want to say, then call. Otherwise, this could do some major damage to the friendship.

Your FH sounds like a gem. She politely backed out and while that's upsetting, she gave you plenty of notice. Call her, apologize for your FH being a jerk, and say you hope she and her new fiance will still attend as guests.

I don't understand why he wont let his sister attend if she backed out (very properly) of the bridal party. Maybe she doesn't want her fiancé to be alone? Maybe she doesn't have the funds? Maybe she is sincerely concerned about the dress? I don't think what she said was out of line at all. Yes, it sucks that she backed out, but I would rather someone message me backing out then just fizz out.

I say brush it off and move on. Your FH needs to chill and then have a conversation with his sister to make sure that there are no underlying issues between you two or something.

I think it's weird that she would back out of her brother's wedding. I'd tell her you asked her because you want her to be in the wedding and you're not going to replace her, but you'd understand if she'd rather attend as a guest. Be understanding, you have no idea why she's dropping out. Could be money or something else totally unrelated to you. I feel like there has to be a reason, it would be odd to drop out of your brothers wedding without one. Definitely talk to her about this and things not related to the wedding. Let your FH cool down then he should apologize to his sister.

Like Stephanie said she backed out but in a polite way. I know that's upsetting but it's a bit much for your FH to tell his sister not to come to your wedding. I would let it calm down a little bit and let her know that she is in fact welcome as a guest and move on with the bridal party you have. No need to name a replacement. Also things like this can happen when you pick your bridal party so early.

It's hurtful for her to back out and you may not understand the reason, but try and not let it get to you. Don't replace her. Just let her know you'd be happy for her and her FH to attend as guests. I think that in the future, she will realize it was a mistake to not be involved in your and her brother's day. She may not feel involved now, but on the day of the wedding, she'll realize that she's missing out on a lot...and that she might have put a dent in an otherwise friendly relationship with her own family.

I think your FH's reaction was really harsh. She wasn't combative in her text so there was no reason for your FH to have that reaction. I think you should have your FH call her, calmly and say "What's going on sis, are you okay?" I think he should get to the root of the issue. Is it finances, it is leaving her new boyfriend alone, does she just not want to do it. If he's close enough with her that you included her in your bridal party, he should be close enough to have a calm conversation and ask her what's going on.

I understand being hurt, but she also didn't give you any information. Talk to her. If you univite her to the wedding, I think you are the ones being jerks. Sorry.

I'm sorry that this happened. I can imagine that your feelings are hurt especially since it's your FSIL. I agree with the other posters that your FH overreacted. She does have the right to back out of the BP. I would let it blow over, encourage your FH to rectify the conflict, but try to not get in the middle of their family issues. On your part I would politely thank her for letting you know that it won't work out.

It is my Fiance's Sister so I can understand why he is more offended than me and Im really more laid back...I don't plan to replace her because I feel thats offensive to whoever I would pick as a 2nd choice and I don't really have anyone in mind that I'd add, so Im just gonna work with what Ive got....

I think he was really offended because its his sister and we're having a small bridal party so it was really special(to me) that I included her. He's also not a fan of this new guy who seems to have all her focus (nor is the rest of the family) for a few reasons (she's not fully divorced yet from her 1st husband, and already engaged to this guy who did not ask her fathers permission and so on....) so I kind of understood his irritation (although Yes! he overreacted and I know that!)

A text is not a "polite" way to back out of a commitment like being in someone's bridal party. Especially for your own brother's wedding. That said, you don't need to have an even number in your bridal party, so if she really doesn't want to do it, you should let it go. No need to replace anyone. And I agree with the advice that your FH should call his sister. Their relationship in the long run should be more important than one day.

I told her that she's still invited of course, although I was really short because I was really confused and unsure of what else to say! He just gets dramatic sometimes (with family stuff) and since its her brother she knows that, I told her not worry about him and Im obviously still inviting her I was more irritated than anything bc he told me she texted him and first words out of my mouth were "be nice and just leave it alone I don't need it becoming a big deal" so first he said I don't care and I don't know what lead to him saying that to her but I was just annoyed...

And thank you @minnemiska I was thinking that in a text was very 'polite', I think thats part of the problem and sometimes lately it feels like we only hear from her when she needs something like when she came into town last week and needed a car to borrow and we gladly let them drive my car while they stayed here but whatever Im totally fine having an off numbered bridal party I am flexible.

Hmm, this is kind of an odd situation. I'd be interested in knowing exactly why she dropped out. It's one thing to not feel as close to the bride as you use to, but it's her brother's wedding and it's not like she has anything else to do but get her dress. I'm not super close with my SIL, but I wanted her in the wedding party so the wedding party photos would include the whole family and she wouldn't feel shut out.

I would definitely call her and try to discuss it with her because she's your FSIL and will be in your life going forward. And, as you already know, your FH did overreact, but it sounds like he did it because he was being protective of your feelings and he too, was hurt by her. Despite this, I think she bowed out gracefully (although a phone call would have been preferable to a text).

Yea, a text isn't the proper way to relay bad news. That sucks but, at least you know now and don't have to deal with her trying to plan her divorce/wedding while you are getting married.

I agree with minnemiska that a text is not a polite way to back out of a sibling's wedding party. Seems like that warrants a phone call. That being said, your FH way overreacted (and I know this isn't the point of the post, but why does your FH care that his sister's fiance didn't ask for permisson to marry her? seems like that's none of his business). Once he's calmed down, I would encourage him to call her and apologize for his reaction, assure her that she is still invited, and ask her about what's going on. Family trumps wedding drama.

So glad I posted here bc some of your comments made me inclined to call her and see if there was a good reason other than she just doesn't want to and there is. we talked and got the air cleared so I feel much better now, and once she's ready to share with the family whats going on my fiancé will totally understand I told her not to worry about it, or her brother and I just wanted to make sure there wasn't something wrong between us and theres definitely not now! thanks ladies. all is good and I feel much better

I would give it some time and then give her a call. You want to make sure your relationship isn't ruined for good because of this, and if things blow up with this guy, you want her to be able to come to you for support! That's what sisters are for, and she will be yours soon!

I know exactly how you feel... I guess people are scared to actually say the words the over phone. So they just opt out to text "sorry but..." I had this happen... twice. Where are you getting your bm gowns? I have one bm 6 hours away from me and they have a store near her. So that worked out good. Maybe you can get your dresses from a chain instead of a boutique. As far as the situation at hand, I would wait a maybe a month (if you have time) and then call her and definitely apologize. Talk about it and see where everything stands. It'll all work out.