Bridesmaid Dress Issue

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I would wait until you have about 8-6 weeks left and then let her know "hey I don't know if you were planning on getting the dress altered soon but if so let me know how it works out, if you're not comfortable lets try to find you something similar you do like"

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This helps, thanks!

I think it is a bit presumptuous you "feel bad for my bridal party." Many BMs match, in fact it's more common than not. Along with that comes with dealing with different body types and sizes. I'm just trying to figure out if/when to bring it up and how to handle it (i.e. asking for advice). Having people tell me that I am being an awful friend that doesn't have empathy doesn't help. Thanks.

Thanks! It's definitely a sensitive subject and I totally get that. While I thought changing dresses was a supportive statement, she might have been embarrassed or thought she was an inconvenience which is not at all how I feel. Thanks for the help.

That's what I am thinking as well. Thank you for making me feel better.

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If it isn't so hard to take measurements, then why didn't BM do exactly that? She's an adult.

View Quoted Comment She is?! No way. I didn’t call OP out on that at all. All I did was ask where they got the dresses from because I was surprised the BM didn’t mention before ordering that the dress wasn’t going to fit her. I also figured that as a bride, OP would have looked at the dresses that they picked out and noticed that this BM may not fit. Most of the time when BMs match, the dress selection includes the bride.

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Right. It is also common knowledge that many sites and stores size differently, without even throwing in bridal and bridesmaid dress wacky sizing. I don't think it has much to do with how reputable a site is or isn't. Plus this wasn't even the point of the discussion, haha.

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I saw the dress and liked it. I didn't look at the size chart and ask each person what their measurements were to double check that the size that they were getting would fit them. She may or may not have taken her measurements and I don't think that it is even necessary for me to have that information. It either fits or it doesn't.

View Quoted Comment I don’t need my friends’ measurements to know roughly what their size is. When my BMs chose their dress I made sure it came in sizes that would accomodate all their bodies. The point of the discussion is the dress doesn’t fit her so whether it came from a reputable site is important because some knockoff sites claim something is a size 14 and it’s actually the measurements of a size 8. That’s much less likely to happen when the company is legit.

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Maybe as a lesson for future brides, this may be relevant, but in my case, no it's not important. The point of this discussion was to ask for advice on if/when to bring it up and how to handle it if the wedding day rolls around and it doesn't work.

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We ordered the dresses from the LuLu's bridesmaid line.

It sounds to me that she maybe focusing on changing her body for the dress, rather than having to change the dress for her body. That may sound odd to some, but it does make sense to me. I would find out the deadline to send the dresses in for alterations, and a few weeks before this date, send a group message to ALL the girls so that she doesn't feel singled out. This will give her time to change her focus from changing her body to changing the dress, and give her a timeline without it seeming like a problem with her body which may be how she views it. As long as she doesn't fixate on changing her shape to the point that it prevents her from doing alterations in time it should be fine. I would come up with a back-up plan though. Maybe add a shawl to all the girls, in case she feels self-conscious even after alterations. Its a tough situation to be in as a friend, on both sides.

She’s still got some time to both lose Weight and have it altered they told me not to bring my wedding dress in until 2 months beforehand so I’m sure the bridesmaids won’t take nearly that long. She just needs to make sure she has an appointment. One option might be to replace the zipper with a corseted back. I know they can do this with wedding dresses so maybe they can with the bridesmaid dress. When they plan on doing this they normally have you order it smaller so I think it might be a good option for her

I want my bridesmaids to wear dresses from Lulu's too! I've decided on the Ocean of Elegance dress, maybe Heavenly Hues if any of my bridesmaids have sternums they're exceptionally proud of. My FSIL is a plus sized woman so nothing from Lulus will fit her, and I have looked everywhere for alternatives what mesh with my vision. Thanks to some ladies in the WW community, I discovered Shop Revelry. I've decided that the Lily Chiffon or the Kennedy Convertible dress will be an alternate for her since they go up to size 32. She will have to incur the expense of adding a slit because sexy is the overarching aesthetic I intend to carry throughout, but the price point isn't that different from Lulu's and their Instagram was phenomenal in visualizing how the dress will look on her body. I don't know what style/color you've chosen but that could be a great option! Hopefully things work out.

I would try to talk to her one on one and see if you can help her try on the dress. (maybe meet her at her house.) She is less likely to be embarrassed if you talk to her in private. If the dress still doesn't fit, I would tell her that the next step is to get it altered. You can only lose so much weight so fast. Even if she does lose some weight that still might not be the "inches" needed for the dress to fit correctly. Try to be very supportive and optimistic!

You've done nothing wrong. Sizes are different at different places. Lulu's is a very popular store to buy bridesmaid dresses from. I'm normally a size 10, but my sizes can range anywhere from an 8-14 depending on the brand.

Have her check wit a seamstress and see if they can add a corset back. It may be about $50 but it will give her more room if she doesnt lose as much weight as planned

If I was the bridesmaid, I would be having these thoughts: if I get my dress altered significantly (ie corset back) and everyone else’s isn’t, it’ll be obvious it’s because I’m too big. If everyone has to get a new dress to match me, I’ll feel awful because it’ll be obvious it’s because I am too big. If I get a new dress (different than everyone else - even if it is similar) it’ll be obvious to everyone it’s because I’m too big. All those scenarios sound humiliating in front of others - especially where she will be in a limelight as a bridesmaid. I can completely understand why she is avoiding it completely. I would too.

I’ve never attended a wedding where all of the bridesmaids wore the same dress.

Why not just have your friend find a similar dress? Asking everyone to return their dress because of one person is potentially putting your friend in a really uncomfortable situation. I would Feel really awkward if it was me. Your friend’s feelings should take precedent to bridesmaids wearing the same dress.

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It's actually a lot more common/traditional for all of the bridesmaids to match. But of course, I am OK with her wearing something different. Asking everyone to return their dresses isn't even an option at this point, because it is way past the return date. I understand she probably does feel awkward - which is why I posted this. I want to find a way to solve a potential issue while saving her any inconvenience/hurt feelings, as she is one of my best friends.