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Savvy July 2019

Bridesmaid Drama!!!!!!

Brownsugar86, on February 22, 2018 at 4:31 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 34
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What is grounds for termination?? When a bridesmaid disrespects you and refuses to apology? OR when she sends your fiancée messages behind your back to discuss you? I'm just curious? Would you still want her to be in your wedding?

34 Comments

Latest activity by K squared, on February 23, 2018 at 7:52 AM
  • M
    Super October 2018
    MaltedMilk ·
    • Flag

    Again with the "terminating" and firing a bridesmaid? Is this a "thing" these days in the WW forums?

    To answer your question: You don't terminate her, you never hired her. Sounds like you want to end the friendship - go ahead and terminate her. Just be sure to give her a good severance package and a letter of recommendation.

    This is why I have no bridal party. Seriously.....

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  • Anne
    Master April 2017
    Anne ·
    • Flag

    I would need more information.

    What did she do to disrespect you? What did she say to your fiance?

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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    This is about as vague as you can get so without any actual details, I can’t actually answer this.

    How do you feel you were disrespected?
    Does she think she was disrespectful?
    What did she say to your FS?
    • Reply
  • edecker
    Super December 2024
    edecker ·
    • Flag

    People are going to argue with you that "termination" is not the right word. That bridesmaids aren't your employees so you cant "fire" them. With the situation you have described, I think that you are terminating a friendship, not just a role in a wedding party. Some people see disrespect as different things, and I think her refusal to apologize could stem from her thinking that she didn't do wrong or didn't disrespect you. There is always two sides to every story, so maybe hear her out before doing anything. Your post sounds very heated and angry, I think a chill pill and a serious discussion with your friend are in order.

    Hope I was able to help and I hope things get better!

    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Super November 2019
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn't want her in my wedding if she was taking crap about me. What caused the start of this all, did someone else start something it in your crazed mind of planning a wedding let something slip about her that was bothering you?
    I would suggest using the five day rule, if it's still bothering you by the end of five days then cut her. Also consider if you want to lose her as a life time friend, is this argument worth losing her possibly forever?
    I hope everything works out well.
    • Reply
  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    This....exactly this. You didn't hire her so you cant fire her...

    You don't give enough information, but you shouldn't have asked her to be your bridesmaid in the first place if she acts this way. You also asked your bridal party way too early. If she's messaging your fiance being disrespectful, that's enough for me to terminate the friendship right there. But know, if you tell her she can't be your bridesmaid anymore, you basically are cutting off the friendship completely.

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  • M
    Dedicated November 2018
    mimi ·
    • Flag

    I hate it when people refuse to apology!

    You can't "terminate" her, she's not your employee.

    How she "disrespected" you, and what the messages that she sent to your fiancé contained matter quite a bit. If she has a separate friendship with your fiancé for instance, and she privately messaged him to ask for help/input regarding an issue she's having with you, that's not necessarily awful. Not how I would handle it, because I'm direct. You seem to have a bit of a passionate personality though-is she normally afraid of confrontation? If she's actually saying awful things about you to your face and behind your back, then she may want out anyways. In that case, I'd invite her to lunch and ask her if she wanted to bow out. If she claims innocence, and wants to remain in your wedding, I'd calmly explain to her how she offended me and ask her not to do so again.

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  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
    • Flag
    Grounds for termination? What does it say in the Bridesmaid Contract?

    If she is your friend, and I would hope so since you wanted to honor her by having her stand you by you on your wedding day, why don't you have a discussion with her? Asking her to step down may end the friendship.
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    VIP November 2017
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    As others have already said, you can't "terminate" her. She is not an employee and you are not het boss.
    It's usually a bad idea to ask someone to no longer be in your wedding party. It could be something that ends the friendship permently. Are you willing to lose this friend? I would give it some time for everyone to calm down about whatever happened. Ask your FH to tell this friend not to contact him to complain about you. If she keeps doing it, he can just choose not to respond anymore. After a little while, try to calmly contact her and discuss whatever the issue is.
    • Reply
  • B
    Savvy July 2019
    Brownsugar86 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Someone doesn't have to be an employee to be terminated.

    Termination means

    1.the action of bringing something or coming to an end: "the termination of a contract"synonyms:ending, end, closing, close, conclusion, ... moreantonyms:start, beginning2.an ending or final point of something, in particular.


    Thank you for the feedback you had some good tips!


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  • B
    Savvy July 2019
    Brownsugar86 ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Thanks Nas

    I didn't know there was a bridesmaid contract news to me? Maybe you can tell me more one day.

    • Reply
  • B
    Savvy July 2019
    Brownsugar86 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thanks for the feedback.

    FYI,

    Termination means

    1.the action of bringing something or coming to an end: "the termination of a contract"synonyms:ending, end, closing, close, conclusion, ... moreantonyms:start, beginning

    2.an ending or final point of something, in particular.


    Therefore, you don't have to hire someone for something to end. For example, I terminated my lease because I got a new job in a different state.


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  • B
    Savvy July 2019
    Brownsugar86 ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Thanks so much,

    I'm actually not heated it's just a few questions. I wasn't concerned what people felt about my "choice of words". I just wanted to have a discussion that's where this is a discussion post. Once again "terminate" is to end something. You had some great valid points and thank you for your advice.

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    You’re obviously pretty mad if you felt the need to repeat yourself 3 times about the definition of a word instead of answering any questions.
    • Reply
  • B
    Savvy July 2019
    Brownsugar86 ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I don't want to get too much into details because it would be too much to explain. However, she said some offensive things and admitted to saying them to FH. However, she doesn't think what she said was wrong when anyone would be offended if someone is hitting below the belt because they are annoyed by something you asked.

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  • B
    Savvy July 2019
    Brownsugar86 ·
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    No I'm not mad I just like to educate people that aren't open minded. Are you upset?

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated November 2018
    mimi ·
    • Flag

    Nathalie, your very definition of "termination" is NOT correct here, "Ending" a person means killing them. Surely you're not asking us if it's ok to kill her? I have a pretty bad temper myself though, so again, depending on what she said- Maybe? I'd still invite her to a nice lunch before the murder though Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Super November 2017
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    If she refuses to apologize, then tell her she's no longer needed and tell she isn't welcome. Easy peasy.
    • Reply
  • B
    Savvy July 2019
    Brownsugar86 ·
    • Flag
    It's not my definition it's Websters dictionary definition lol. Who said anything about killing her my goodness Mimi. That's too much. Yes I heard lunch from the other girls sounds good too Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • B
    Savvy July 2019
    Brownsugar86 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Hey Nicole,
    I've been ignoring speaking with her because I don't ever want to say things that are hurtful or mean. So I wanted to think things throw first, which I did. I decided that her services are no longer needed,but I haven't told her yet. I feel like having a conversation with her will turn into a argument because she likes to argue and I don't.
    • Reply

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