Bridesmaid drama, need advice please.

Here's to hoping the BM shows up and tells her story...

I don't see a problem with her buying a dress from jc penny as long as it is the color you have requested but that's just me.

LynZLeigh - and she wouldn't have recommended WW if she had a bad experience and didn't agree with the community's thoughts on how to determine a BM dress budget with your BMs.

I did ask a budget, before making my OP. One of my bridesmaids said 100 was her budget, the Second one agreed that 100 was reasonable, the third i'm still waiting for a response. The second is the one wanting to go somewhere else, even after she has agreed it is a reasonable budget.

If you don't mind them getting different lengths and cuts, then why does it matter where the dress comes from or how much it costs? If my bridesmaids found a dress in the correct color and length for $3 on clearance, I'd be happy for them (and probably tell the other bridesmaids to go hit up the sale!). I just don't understand why it matters if she wants a dress from JC Penny or your bridal shop. If it's the same color and meets your requirements, what is the problem?

I am waiting to hear back from a venue. And I have a basic budget, i'm in the process of breaking it down.

I do everything backwards apparently. I had my son before we are getting married.

Also, for the record, when I asked my bridal party I was intending on getting married later this year, I changed my date to make it easier on out of town guests to come.

BTW it's gonna be really funny when she comes on here and starts a thread about "bridzilla forcing me to spend more than I have on a dress!"

But on a serious note, if your wedding is more than a year away, can you save up the money? I mean, you have 62 weeks until your wedding. If you save $1.61 per week from now until your wedding you will have enough money to buy her a dress. If you save $3.22 per week for 31 weeks, you will have enough money to buy her a $100 dress and order it months before the wedding.

Don't stress what doesn't need to be stressed. Breath. Everything will work out over the next 62 weeks and those that are meant to be by your side will be there.

I also just don't understand why any of this is an issue. You've acknowledged that they don't need to get dresses now, so this all should just stop.

If you only want a certain color and length, why does it HAVE to be from this store? What if she truly doesn't like any of the dresses at that store? I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you've created a problem where one didn't exist.

And the bottom line, of all of this, is regardless of if she won't buy the dress from where you want, no one needs to be looking at dresses. All of your problems will stop as soon as you stop looking for dresses.

@Jennifer If I could afford to buy her dress, I would. But I have to save for everything else, we are paying for our wedding with no help, and will be moving shortly before, so I can't add anymore expenses than we already have.

Don't pick out dresses yet. I'd say don't pick BP yet but that ship has saled.

Also, who cares what store she gets it from if they are wearing different styles?

I have taken all of your opinions into consideration. And i won't look at any more dresses or anything. But i am still upset because to me and my other bridesmaid it seemed like she was doing it just to hurt my feelings.

I'm going to bed, and i probably won't check this again.

@Jennifer "and she doesn't have a venue, wedding date or budget"

Op, she knew you were wrong and didn't want to tell you. That's why she sent you here.

I asked my bridal party almost as soon as I got engaged. My wedding is April of this year and they had until October of last year to order their dress. U have to factor in the time it takes for them to come back and also alterations and I think the one that lives close is going to always give u trouble maybe u jus need to not have her in ur wedding cuz u r going to always be stressed about something

Hopefully your emergency fund and wedding budget are separate

I don't understand why people on here always know by heart (or think they do) the financial situation of others and their expenses. I feel like unless she tells you personally what she makes and what she spends every cent she spends. You don't know what her financial situation. So why are you in a state to judge your friend. If you let the others pick their dresses why not let her pick hers. As long as it's the same color you pick it shouldn't matter if it's on clearance or if it's $5000.

If all three haven't gotten back to you with their idea of a comfortable dress budget for them, how have you decided on where you want them to get their BM dresses already?

Everything is far too early; honestly, you shouldn't even have asked them yet.

My point is not that you should pay for it. Just that if she is clearly struggling with money and it is important to you that she buys her dress from a certain location that is out of her budget, you can find some sort of way to help her out. What's her budget? If it's $50, than you can contribute $1.61 per week for 31 weeks. Think about it, that is:

-1/3 of a seasonal latte at Starbucks

-The change you get back when you make three transactions in cash only using dollar bills

-Less than one cup of soda when you go out to eat

-1 1/2 hot donuts from Krispy Kreme (actually I might chose donuts over a friend :p )

-less than 2 value menu items at McDonalds

...

The point is, if you wanted to help her out you could. You don't want to help her out. I'm assuming you don't want to help her because you are not all that excited about her being in your wedding party anymore.

Simply put, there is no reason why she should be limited to picking out her dress at whatever bridal store when you don't even care about the length of your bridesmaids dresses. It's literally just a dress. If you don't want her to be in your bridal party than admit it, don't pretend that you are trying to be reasonable when you are not.

Also, if you moved back the wedding date for the convenience of your guests, what did you do with the money you saved for your first planned wedding date? How much money do you have in savings right now? Why do you have to move in a year (can you extend your lease)?

Look, I get it. I'm a full time student with two part time jobs, I have to pay all sorts of crazy fees this year to apply to law schools, I don't have help from my parents, my fiance is in the same boat. I'm not trying to bring you down for not being wealthy, I'm just wondering, what is your plan? Do you have a plan?