Bridesmaid drama, need advice please.

It just bothers me that the BM with the least amount of expenses is the one doing this. She hasn't even been a good friend to me lately. And I can't afford to buy her dress for her, or I would. One of the other BM has pointed out her behavior, and offered to talk to her about it, I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but it is really stressing me out. And my FH has also pointed out that she hasn't been behaving very nicely toward me.

I just honestly don't know what to do about this whole situation.

You asked you BP way too early, it is also too early to be buying dresses. Someones weight/shape can change a lot in a year and half. Talk to her as a friend to address whatever issues you may be having, without focusing on the wedding.

My wedding is in May of THIS YEAR and my girls just ordered their dresses last week. It's time to sit back and enjoy your engagement. You're doing this far too early.

Definitely just wait it out since you have more than a year to go. Who knows she could be on her period or pregnant lol, so just don't do anything too brash just yet, there is still plenty of time to wait it out and just enjoyed being engaged and enjoy sharing the happy moments with your girlfriends before all the planning becomes serious.

I wasn't asking them to buy the dress yet. I was just making sure everyone has time to save appropriately, and let me know what styles they like.

To add on to @Flying, my BMs finalized dresses this month and im getting married this May. Eta "But the one BM that lives close by and doesn't have to travel more than 20 minutes wants to "borrow" my swatches and go to JC Penny and buy a prom dress while they are on sale" you literally said that you are asking them to go and buy dresses now.

@Delany She's not pregnant and period or not she acts the same. Shes been different since she started planning her wedding, and she was married last March, I wasn't invited, and was told in the most inconsiderate way possible while I was 6 months pregnant and she was asking me to help her plan a wedding I wasn't invited to.

@Sarah's right. Or any styles you're looking at could be discontinued well before when they actually need to buy.

ETA: If she's really been inconsiderate to you, why'd you even ask her?

So your relationship was bad before you even asked her, why did you think asking her to be a BM would change things?

I was wondering more like what length they prefer if there is a specific neckline they like best, general stuff like that, not at all a final decision, just a general idea of personal preference. Not a definite style number or anything.

And that is what she asked me, she wants to go buy something now or soon when it is on sale .

I'd let it go for right now. Address it much closer to your wedding when it's actually time to make a decision about BM dresses.

Typically how this works is you talk to each BM privately and ask them what they are comfortable spending on a BM dress, then you set the budget at the lowest number you're given. It sounds like the third BM doesn't have as big a dress budget as the other two ladies, and that's okay. And it doesn't matter if she doesn't have to spend money on travel. If she isn't comfortable with the cost, she isn't comfortable with it. Start from scratch on the dress budget when it's time to actually start thinking about this.

If she's taking the swatch with her and you're already letting everyone wear different styles, I'm not sure it needs to be a big deal if your BM were to get her dress elsewhere. You could also browse sites like eBay for BM dresses from David's Bridal in the color you wanted. But it doesn't really need to be a concern this far in advance.

Unfortunately you simply chose your bridal party way too early

I started the process of looking for dresses and then something magical happened.. I decided to wait bc no one cares about my wedding as much as I do. I'm waiting until at least August/September to start the looking process again with the girls. This is just complicated and you're making it worse honestly. Leave it alone

I thought she was starting to be a better friend again........

@JessiKaye, if you don't mind me asking, why are you having her in your wedding as one of your bridesmaids (I don't like the BM abbr. because I'm a nurse and it means bowel movement in the health care field), if you weren't even invited to hers? What has changed so drastically that you go from being not included in hers, to her being so special in yours? I would still just stay with not stressing about it for now, you have plenty of times to search for dresses, and if she wants to be cheap, there are always cheap options out there besides when prom goes on sale.

If your relationship hasn't been good for the hay year, why did you ask her to be a bridesmaid?

And why are you even looking at bridesmaid dresses now? It's too soon. Styles and colors can be discontinued. Or they can change their mind or gain or lose weught. Just wait a while.

Unfortunately, you've asked your BP far too early. At the end of the day, you have two options (1) give in and let her buy the dress she wants/can afford to buy or (2) tell her she *must* buy whatever dress you've chosen and risk losing a friend/BM. At this point, table the discussion for now and resume it towards the end of the year. By then, things may have changed with your friendship (for better or worse).

@Delany She has been my friend for years, and we were really close through high school. She was the only friend I really had. The reason I wasn't invited to her wedding is because she married my ex-boyfriend and he didn't want me there, for reasons I don't understand because it had been 7 years since we had broken up and it was high school, it wasn't serious.

When they got engaged I was so excited for her, and she wanted me to help and go shopping with her and do all the pre wedding girls only things, but I wasn't invited to the wedding, which she didn't tell me until after she asked me to do these things with her.

When I got pregnant she offered to throw me a baby shower, which she bailed on, my mother and cousin did everything, and she didn't even show up, she texted me 10 minutes before to tell me she was sick and forgot.

But since my son was about 5 months old we've been getting a little closer, we hang out somewhat regularly. And I honestly though that she would be a lot of help as a bridesmaid because shes been through the process of wedding planning and stuff, and she really crafty and has so many DIY ideas.

Also she was the first person after I got engaged to keep asking if she was going to be a bridesmaid, she seemed really excited and even helped with my pinterest board, and she told me about weddingwire. I only have 3 friends, so it was a pretty easy decision to have 3 bridesmaids.

She told you about WeddingWire? She's totally gonna read this.

This is your mistake, sorry. It doesn't appear you ever asked for her budget. Instead, you assumed something and she told you it was too much, then you told her about this option and now you're complaining that she doesn't want to spend $100. Her expenses are none of your business. Asking her to be your bridesmaid does not give you the green light to make assumptions about her finances. She's telling you it's too much. It's your job to accommodate her budget.