Bridesmaid Demotion

Sorry but you're stuck. You asked someone, and you can't kick them out now without looking like a huge bridezilla. Do yourself a favour and wait to ask anyone else until 6-8 months before the wedding.

Simple: You don't.

Unless you want to end the friendship permanently.

It's not necessarily demoting someone if you haven't asked them yet. I think that if it comes up you tell her we chose family unfortunately it just wasn't in the budget to have more than one person and I didn't want to pick favorites between my friends. Tell her that you love her and you hope that she can be around for all the pre-wedding events and be a guest at the wedding. On the other hand if you have already asked her it is not appropriate to demote someone ever not under any circumstances.

There isn't a nice way to do this or to make it more "palatable". Are you willing to completely sever this friendship? Because that is what will happen if you do this.

There are no tips for how to end a friendship politely, because it will come down to the same...

That being said, grab an umbrella, and your slicker, cuz this will prompt a shitstorm.

I hope I understood correctly I read this post as that you and her had a casual conversation stating that you wanted her to be a bridesmaid but you haven't officially asked her.

Abbi- she said that she already told her she was a bridesmaid.

Yes she said she told her she was a bridesmaid but she didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid I had many conversations with my friends in high school and even after high school about if I ever got married that I'd want them to stand up however we grew apart over the years and now at this point planning my wedding I would not ask them to stand up and I did not ask them to stand up. I believe that there is a difference in officially asking someone to be in your wedding party and having a casual conversation with them saying yeah if I got married I would like you to stand up.

If she asked to be a bridesmaid and you said "of course you will be!" But hadn't officially asked her... I'd say just tell her you decided to not do a wedding party. If you asked "will you be my bridesmaid?" And she accepted, it'd be very awkward to back out of.

My closest friend told me months ago "of course you'll be a bridesmaid in my wedding!" Without me asking and before they were engaged. Now that they're engaged, she told me they're just doing their siblings. I'm a bit bummed, but didn't take it personally. So it really depends on how official the ask was, and how your relationship is with this friend.

Abbi, no. Once someone is asked to be in the wedding party, they're in. She was told she is a BM, so she is. There is no such thing as an "official proposal", that's a new Pinterest thing.

Abbi, it sounds from the post that the convo took place post-engagement. "Official" or not, OP said that the BM in question would be a BM.

I'm not saying there has to be an official proposal what I'm saying is that if she had this conversation five years ago before she was even engaged it is not necessary to uphold asking her to be a bridesmaid now that she is engaged. If she had this conversation with her friend a few months after she was engaged then yes it is her responsibility up to uphold her being a bridesmaid in the wedding.

Emily, you were bummed for good reason. That's why we don't recommend asking the WP too early. It's a good idea to not go around hurting your nearest and dearest, OP.

She said they were close in HS, but the post reads as if she asked her friend post-engagement.

From her post it doesn't sound like she told her a few years ago that she could be a bridesmaid. If so, then I would 100% agree that she wasn't actually a bridesmaid, but from the way I'm understanding it- she's part of the bridal party and can't be removed without ruining a friendship.

Mariah i agree with you 1000% if it was a post engagement conversation the friend stays a BM end of story or you will end your frienship. I guess I just took this post differently then you ladies did.

You guys are probably right that if I do this the friendship is over. This might sound cold and brutal, but I honestly wouldn't be heartbroken over that. I'd feel guilty, sure, but that's what got me here in the first place. We hadn't talked for like 5 years before I got engaged. :/

So I guess the biggest question is did you have the Bridesmaids conversation with her before after you were engaged. If you were saying that you had a talk for five years before you were engaged I'm just going to assume that the conversation was after you were engaged. Under no circumstances it is it appropriate to demote bridesmaid this isn't a job. And if you're honestly not going to be hurt about losing a friendship you probably shouldn't have had that conversation with her in the first place.

OP, bear in mind that not only will the friendship be over, but you'll look horrible to anyone she tells about the demotion. It's an awful thing to do to someone who has done nothing wrong.

Abbi- I understand that. Sometimes it's difficult to understand how people are coming off on here, but I see what you're saying and agree with that if it's the case. Friends from high school and I had made the same promises to each other but now we never talk so it's obviously different than if she said that after actually being engaged.