Bridesmaid can’t pay for shower at the last minute

Something may have came up that’s more vital than the shower (medical, car, housing emergency). I would talk with the bridesmaid first, and ask if there’s anything she can do. If she can maybe do a monthly pay back maybe ask for the mother of the bride to cover her share and have that bridesmaid pay her back in due time.

I'm a little taken aback by a bridal shower that costs over $1,000. Holy cow. There had to have been a restaurant with a private room that was cheaper. Or a smaller guest list. Just because mommy wanted what she wanted doesn't mean she should have gotten it.

I agree on others, have her ask her parents to borrow it.

The mother should not have expected you all to pay for it- first of all. If mom didn’t want to be involved in her shower she had no business talking to any of you about it.

lso- things happen! What if she lost her job and she needs a place to live? Or she needs to eat? Or I don’t know put gas in her car? Surviving is more important than paying for a dumb shower. Maybe she has bills, maybe she just doesn’t have the money. I wouldn’t pay for a shower out of pure spite- because you don’t get a right to tell other people how to spend their money.

I agree with Muriel. The MOB's behavior is the questionable behavior in all this. She never should have dictated to the BMs anything about the shower. Instead, the BMs, on their own, decide if they want to throw the bride a shower and, if so, what their budget is. $265 per BM seems unreasonable, in general. Instead of renting a space, the MOB should open her home and host it there. I like the suggestion to tell MOB that the BMs can no longer afford such an expensive shower instead of singling out this one girl.

View Quoted Comment My thoughts exactly. The MOB should be paying for this.

This happened to me with my friend’s wedding. Her aunt and MOH (sister) booked a space without the BMs input and then expected us to contribute. There were 6 BMs and we each had to shell out $230. I was not happy as this was on top of a weekend bachelorette trip and 2 nights of hotel rooms for her out of town wedding. I would definitely speak to the MOB about the bridesmaid who can’t pay since the MOB was involved in the planning process but is not footing any of the bill.

- The MOB is wrong in this scenario. It is not the BMs responsibility to pay for the shower if they can’t afford it. If she wanted to host a shower, she needs to pay for it. Not ask a bunch of her daughter’s friends to financially contribute to the party she’s hosting. Unfortunately, it sounds like none of you knew this. I would have politely declined.

- So, the MOB is wrong BUT that aside, if all the girls were onboard and everyone said they could afford it, why did you guys wait a full year to get the money squared away? Why did you wait until two weeks before the shower date? A lot can happen in a year regarding someone’s financial status and if everyone was onboard, you all should have taken care of it a year ago.

- For you to say it’s unacceptable is a bit presumptuous. How do you know her financial situation hasn’t changed in a year? Are you close friends with her? Has her job changed? Did she have any emergencies this year? Regardless, most people don’t go off telling everyone their financial problems. For all you know, this BM might have been embarrassed at the first meeting because she thought she *had* to pay, she didn’t have the money, but she thought she could get it in time. Or maybe her financial circumstances have changed and she had to prioritize serious obligations in her life over a bridal shower.

- Do not single her out and don’t force her to get on a payment plan. It’s almost like you’re trying to shame her by telling her to ask the MOB if she can get on a payment plan. Her financial circumstances have changed. You cannot force her to pay for this event. She should not be forced to spend money she doesn’t have on an event someone else offered to host. I would not ask her to set up a payment plan with myself or with the MOB. Really, you’re expecting her to go into a debt over a party she never offered to throw. $265 is pocket change to some people and a serious financial burden to others. What if she only has $20 extra per month after she takes care of bills and other necessities? Do you really expect her to make monthly payments for over a year for a bridal shower? I would speak to the MOB, not name names, and tell her that some of the bridal party can’t afford the event anymore. She wanted to throw a shower, it’s her responsibility.

- Tread lightly. If I was in your BMs shoes, I had serious financial obligations in my life, I sincerely couldn’t afford a bridal shower I never offered to throw, and the MOH and the MOB were ganging up on me telling me I had to go into debt and my behavior was unacceptable, it might be a friendship ending move for me if the bride had to get involved and said I HAD to pay..

I think some of you are misunderstanding the situation. The MOB did not FORCE us to do anything. She came with some places in mind and us bridesmaids had a discussion separately and agreed on one of the places. We all agreed to this, and if the BM was uncomfortable with it at the time, she had ample opportunity to voice that. Before the meeting we even had a specific conversation about budgets. And I do understand that life happens but she waited until I asked for her portion to tell me she couldn’t do it. I just talked to her two weeks ago and she did not say anything at all about not being able to afford it. Furthermore, she’s made zero effort to suggest options at this point - she’s just simply saying she can’t do it, period. I’ve known her for over 15 years so yeah it’s a little disappointing that I’m now in this situation and she chose not to communicate with me. I didn’t collect money a year ago because our final bill was completely dependent on the number of guests, so it didn’t make sense to me to collect a bunch of money and then have to figure out if they owed or were due money back a year later.

Lots of lessons learned in this situation for sure...thanks for all of the suggestions!!