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Savvy August 2019

Bridesmaid can’t afford anything

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P, on October 19, 2018 at 4:20 PM

Hi,

I have a bridesmaid that can’t afford anything. She told me she’s not coming to the bridal shower or bachelorette. She also told me that she can’t afford the dress that I picked out. I gave her a sample of the dress fabric and told her to find something similar to other bridesmaids. I could do this because all bridesmaids are wearing an assigned color and different styles. I used to be really close to her but not that much anymore. She was a college friend. I am starting to majorly regret asking her to be a bridesmaid. Having that particular dress is important and attending the events is too. No other bridesmaid has given me any problems at all..it’s just her. How can you be a bridesmaid and complain about everything, not get the specified dress and not attend events? I already had a conversation with her that if she can’t afford to be a bridesmaid she should let me know and that we will find another way to involve her. She said she would but that was months ago. I’m nervous going forward. What should I do?!

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Savvy August 2019
P · on October 31, 2018 at 2:18 PM
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Update: I told her that hair/makeup was optional and that it would cost $85 for hair and $85 for makeup. She responded right away and said that she wanted both done. But she wants to go to a thrift store for her BM dress?!?! Am I the only one who thinks this is weird?
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on November 1, 2018 at 6:31 AM
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Yes that seems a little off. Did she construe it as you would be payng it? Maybe she has a major problem with the dress itself? Either way, you should have a conversation finding out the root of the problem.
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Super October 2020
Talia · on November 2, 2018 at 1:36 PM
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Hmmm that's a little off to me. I'm sorry about the situation. I'm just confused as to why she can't put forth the money towards the dress. thats like 170 right there for a dress. I feel like you should just talk to her again. Maybe she doesn't like the style of the dress?
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Savvy August 2019
P · on November 2, 2018 at 3:35 PM
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She definitely likes it. They can each pick a different dress and I gave them about 40 to choose from so there was a style for everyone. It’s so strange.
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Super October 2020
Talia · on November 2, 2018 at 8:40 PM
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And I think you wrote that the dress was affordable too right ?
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Super July 2018
LibbyLane · on November 2, 2018 at 10:55 PM
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As long as the dress was the appropriate color/fabric, why does it matter where she got it from? Especially because you know she doesn't make a lot of money. It seems incredibly self-centered to care so little for a friend, even if you're not that close anymore.
Update: it is a little weird that she wants hair and makeup done, I agree. I still don't think it was wrong of her at all to look at thrift stores for her dress.
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Devoted July 2019
Mrs. Dujmovic · on November 3, 2018 at 6:33 PM
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I think you should respectfully tell her that although you would like for her to be in your bridal party, if she can't afford the dress you picked out and won't be able to be involved in the events she unfortunately can't be a member of your bridal party anymore. If you still would like her to attend I'd stress that. I'd also add in that you don't want her to put too much strain on herself to pay for bridal party commitments.
I went through the same thing with one of my friends. She ended up being sad that she wasn't able to stand up for me, but relieved that she didn't have to stress herself out to stick to her commitment.
I think sometimes women don't realize how big of a commitment being a bridesmaid can be. I tried to spare my friend as much embarrassment as possible, because I knew she was not proud to step down.
Happy planning!
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