Bridesmaid backed out, now what ?

Your attitude is similar to mine. I am fortunate to have read enough stories on this forum (I've been a long time lurker, before I was even engaged, due to my job) about friendships being destroyed by the bridesmaid experience to recognize that my friendship with my BM's is more important than exactly how they look. I had planned to have everyone pick their own dress, until I found a $60 dress at Kohl's that came in all the colors I wanted (I wanted a mix), came in regular and petite, went up to a size 16, and was made in a material that was less likely to need alterations than a traditional bridesmaid dress. I asked 3 or 4 of them if they liked it before picking it. I probably should have asked everyone first, but I think all or most of them are happy with it, because it's something they can wear again and it didn't cost that much.

I completely agree with what you said about how your friends are not models. I don't feel comfortable telling them what they can and can't wear or how they have to have their hair done or anything like that. I did ask one bridesmaid very nicely how she would feel about not wearing her usual long fang earrings for the ceremony and the pictures, mainly because I don't feel like dealing with my mom's commentary on said earrings. Her reaction was hard to read but I think she understood. She asked if she could wear the studs she usually wears and some coily earrings, and I said that was fine. I just don't want anyone wearing something so out there that it causes a distraction. Beyond that, I don't really care what shoes or earrings or hairstyle they wear. I want everyone to be happy.

I feel very lucky to have a great group of girls and one guy supporting me on my big day. The last thing I want is to hurt any of those relationships.