Brides Maids

For dresses my bridesmaids paid what they could and I covered the rest because I wanted a specific dress.

To cut down flower cost I will be the only one with a bouquet and they will have a single sunflower.

As far as a batchelorette party I will not be doing one because both bridesmaids have a child under one and are first time moms and also one lives out of state so she won't be here until the weekend of the wedding.

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They would not be purchasing them fully, just chipping in for them. The only reason I ask is because I have chipped in before with a wedding bouquet for a friends wedding. I chipped in like $20 out of the $60 they cost because she asked us if we would be open to the idea. That is why I reached out to everyone on here because I have not attended many weddings and the one that I was in I chipped in with no questions asked. I wanted her to have the wedding she always pictured.

I would never expect a bride to pay for my dress as a bridesmaid. I know that is my main responsibility when accepting. However, I would be happy if a bride contributed to my attire or paid for HMU instead of giving me a box of junk as gifts. That's just me though!

They shouldn't give you grief over a 30 dollar dress. If I were you, I wouldn't take on doing their hair. It's a nice thought but you are going to be so incredibly busy. The day will fly by. Just keep that in mind.

I don't think you should ask them to chip in for their flowers. I don't think 20 dollars is a big deal but it's an odd request so they may be why you are getting pushback. Ultimately, you can't force anyone to do anything anyway. So if you ask and they say no, then what? I hope you find a solution that works for everyone. Good luck!

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Thank you! It is stressful, especially trying to plan away from my friends, family, and every wedding vendor I am trying to find! I appreciate the kindness Sabrina.

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I would never force someone to do something and if they do not want to purchase the dress then hopefully we will be able to work something out. I will even buy it and accept $5 payments towards it if it is an issue with upfront cost for someone. I have explained this as well. As far as the flowers I brought it up because I have done it before with a friend. She had a vision of how she wanted things to be but she was coming up short when it came to funds for the flowers. She asked and we all pitched in because it was her special day. That is the only reason I put in the little remark about the flowers. I had given them the option of flowers or none and they said flowers. I also had them brainstorm different options to choose from for what they want to hold. I simply asked that dark blue and sunflowers be incorporated in the design. They all collaborated on an idea and got back to me on it but it was higher of a price than I was looking to spend for flowers. Thank you for your insight, I really do appreciate it.

Pay for their own dresses, yes. Pay for bouquets, no.
And bachelorette s and showers are not something you are entitled to. You get them if others want to volunteer to give them. So if they don't, you are not entitled to have them spend that money on you for anything else. In general, as bride you pick, they pay for, any dress that you pick within their budget. They wear shoes that look compatible with the dress, and of similar formality. They may do their own makeup and hair. Or, you can arrange a person, and those who want to will pay that HMU, and those who don't will do their own, or arrange for someone else they may pay. But anything you want for your wedding, or pictures, the bride buys. You buy flowers, parasols, matching shawls if you want them. People can wear their own clothes while getting ready, but you pay if you want pics in particular robes or shirts ( and they want to. You cannot require anything, just ask, then their choice.)
Bachelorette parties and showers are not the responsibility of the bridal party. Any female friend or family member can offer to give e one, or any small group. Often, they are your BM or MOH, because they are close friends . But with your ladies far away, other friends or family can offer to do one or more showers or bachelorettes. I had 3 showers, small ones, done by hometown friends, school friends, and some sisters and cousins and friends near where I lived, each party a small group about 60-90 Mike's from the other. And my BP we're not around. 2 BM and 1 MOH several states away, went as guests to one my mother in law threw, mostly FI family, and some old army friends of mine near NYC . So if other people offer, you may still have a bachelorette, or a shower.
But only the hostesses giving it pay, your bridal party does not contribute or owe anything, even if they are invited guests. . . . It takes a while to get a sense of what people expect. 🙂

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I will personally be doing their hair that way it is not an expense for them. We all agreed on a $30 dress that will work for everyone. I even let them decide what they all wanted to do if they were to accessorize. We have a group chat and my girls basically have decided everything that they would like and have all put their ideas in. I gave them the weddings color scheme and flowers I will have in my bouquet and they ran with it. They already picked out accessories and they basically made their own bouquet ideas. I told them that I would be okay with spending $35-$40 on small bouquets but the ones they want I have been quoted $66-$75. I like to give them say seeing as they will be wearing and handling them.

It’s normal for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. I have heard of them paying for their bouquets though, if you can’t afford it I would figure out a more budget friendly option for flowers.

Ask each one individually a budget, so when you look at dresses, you can stay in their limit. All of my bridesmaids bought their dresses, and they all compromised and found 3 they liked and I got final say. It worked extremely well (I only have 3 though... this may be harder with a larger party).

I would just tell them, unfortunately, what they picked for flowers is not in your budget, but you’ll use their idea as inspiration and find something that fits in your budget.

I agree with some posters suggesting that you buying a single flower for each bridesmaid would be a huge saver in costs. And no, it's definitely not wrong if you ask them to buy their own dresses. If they are worried about cost, you should refer them to some sites that have dresses for good prices. I really hope everything works out for you

Yes to buying their own dress, no to bouquets and Are you sure to their hair, you are looking at an hour+ each head plus yourself, then make-up and then yourself plus getting dressed. Thats starting 8 hours before wedding to achieve all of that. might be too much and overbearing even if it is soothing. Its the time management Im concerned about for you but you know best.

I hope it all works out.

View Quoted Comment Thank you 💕

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No problem, Desiree. Weddings can become tense and stressful, especially when it comes to money. But you know what, everything will fall into place for you, and you'll have a beautiful wedding

I would never ask them to pay for flowers. go to Trader Joe’s!

Most bridesmaids pay for their own dresses and accessories - as long as you are being reasonable with the costs. Some brides cover it as a gift but it is absolutely not required. However, bouquets are part of your floral budget and should be covered by you, not the bridesmaids.

A bachelorette is not something that you are entitled to to begin with. So you cannot do a trade-off, well since you are not doing a bachelorette, please do this instead. No. Till the Bachelorette TV show, most people did not have one, unless they had no shower. Guys always got one party if someone wanted to throw one, a bachelor party. And women got one, a shower ( gift s), a bridal luncheon or tea ( no gifts) or a bachelorette. In the last few years, lots of people have begun to act as though their BP owes them multiple parties, and some want others to pay for mini vacations. And some get upset over not getting them, and blame or thing they are owed something. The bridal party is not responsible for any parties, and never has been ( as a requirement.) Any female friend or family member, alone or with a group, may offer to give one for the bride. A few people, or a crowd. Desserts and coffee, or a meal. All up to the planners who pay for it. Because bridesmaids and MOH are chosen from your closest family and friends, often they are the ones who volunteer. And sometimes MOG gives one. And sometimes MOB, aunts, sisters or grandma. And sometimes a friend not in the wedding does one, or does it with one mom and a BM.
So as bride, do not act like anyone owes you this gift of a shower, or a bachelorette. Or you will have unhappy it angry people around you. Take what is offered, by them. Dresses that you pick, within a reasonable budget ( or a suit, an outfit) a BM must pay for as a condition of being in the wedding. And shoes that go with the dress nicely. If you decide dresses need not match, but want to specify a range of styles or a few colors, they pay for those. Bouquets are a decoration. Couple pays. But as others have said, it can be a single stem. And some people do not carry bouquets. They carry prayer books, meaningful small things, parasols ( for all that hot sun we get up here in NH). The only one they pay for, is if they are carrying a memento or prayer book of their own. Or photos in a decorative bag, whatever. Where in NH are you getting married?

Bridesmaids pay for their own dresses. Anything else you require (shoes, jewelry, makeup, flowers, whatever) you provide.

View Quoted Comment I never said anything about gifts, multiple parties, vacations, etc. If you see a few of my previous comments the girls have certain things that they want. It was just a simple post because I have had to do it before and I have not been in any other weddings so I was just asking if it were something that is okay/ that other people do. I am getting married at Dexter's Inn.

View Quoted Comment I have never been to a wedding there. But 2 people in my friends group from school live in Claremont, so we stay at Dexter's In in Sunapee along with 3-4 other couples, a few times a year in winter. It is cozy, the food is good. We all cross country ski, and enjoy the fact that for that, you just walk out the door. It is very pleasant and mellow evenings. The staff are right there if you need something, but otherwise, don't intrude. Good service . And though their food is not trendy, it is very well prepared, and they do a lot of repeat business for small groups. They are accommodating about special diets, or coming up with a special menu for small groups. Beautiful grounds. Wander in your wedding finery, for pictures. Have a nice wedding there.