Hi ladies! So now that we’ve settled everything and have our new date for our wedding, we are having an issue with invited guests assuming they will have a plus 1. I made sure to offer everyone I know who is in a relationship a plus 1 on their invite, but I have a few single friends who assumed they would be getting a plus 1 and told me who they’d be bringing (people I don’t know) and I’m not sure how I feel about having guests I don’t know at my wedding. Is it wrong of me to not want to pay $70 a plate for someone who 1. I don’t know personally, and 2. Might not even be considerate enough to bring a gift, etc. What does everyone think?
What we did was if you and your significant other have been together longer than 6 months then you get a plus 1. Also for friends as well, if we havent talked to a person in a year, we didn't invite them to the wedding.
We were def strict about plus ones bc we have so many family and friends and our venue had a max limit that we were already pretty close to! So we only gave a plus one to people who were in serious relationships where they were either engaged or living together or have been together for a WHILE. Any singles or people in new relationships didn’t get one especially if we’ve never met them since we had to cut out friends and family so cutting out someone we know once again for a random just didn’t make sense to us. But I think it depends on the circumstance!
Honestly we wanted a small wedding and it turned into much larger than we wanted to accommodate. I felt bad and invited people I probably shouldn’t have the first time, but now that we are rescheduled I’m going to be more strict with the plus 1’s.
I think it’s polite to give single guests who won’t know anyone besides the couple a plus one. Other than that, it’s really up to your discretion and your budget. I do think it’s really odd that gifts are even part of your decision making process.
An individual's significant other is not a plus one. Couples should be invited together, by name. Plus ones are for single people and you address it to the person plus guest. Couples should always be invited together (I feel like it's rude to tell someone that their relationship doesn't matter that much when they are going out of their way to celebrate yours). If someone is single, the choice is entirely yours to extend a plus one. They are nice to offer if the person doesn't know anyone or will have to travel to attend your wedding, if you can afford it. We extended plus ones to all the single guests (there were maybe like 10 out of our 150 person guest list). Only 1 person ended up bringing a plus one, and it was her sister.
We made sure to extend plus ones to most of our single friends especially if they wouldn’t know too many people at the wedding. We wanted everyone to have fun and feel comfortable in our wedding environment.
Also, as tempting as it is to make your decision of who to invite based on what gifts they might possibly give you, I don’t think that should be a factor. You’re hosting a wedding in order to celebrate your marriage with all the people who are important to you. Presents are just a bonus. We went into planning our wedding with the idea that we were not getting any gifts. This prevented us from banking on wedding presents to help offset our wedding expenses and kept us on budget.
I completely agree with you! I am not into that plus 1 for single people I told them I can’t give them plus ones because I’m at max occupancy and that I am passing my budget. They completely understood, so don’t feel pressured. They will understand later when it’s their turn.
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I think I meant it more as in I don’t want a random person coming as a plus 1 to my wedding and think it’s a party because it’s not. And I think it’s odd to show up to a wedding without some sort of gesture!
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I don’t want a random person at my wedding thinking it’s a free party they’ve been invited as a plus 1 to. I think it’s strange for someone to show up to a wedding without some sort of gift or gesture to acknowledge being invited to such an occasion, but that’s just me
Address the invitations to the people who are invited by name. That should eliminate confusion. I have guests who I know will try to bring people not listed on the invitation, so we're also putting, "We have reserved _ seats in your honor" on the reply card to make it perfectly clear.
We have a couple single people who will not know anyone at the wedding, and they will most likely have a plus one (we need to double check our budget, but it wouldn't be more than 2 people). While I don't love the idea of strangers at our wedding, I do think plus ones are for your guests comfort, and not necessarily for the plus one themselves. We also don't expect them to bring a gift.
Weddings are expensive so unless you're serving cake and coffee only, I can't justify the expense of strangers who arent either married or seriously attached to the invited guests, especially if you're cutting out people you would want in attendance regardless. Also, it's not always fun for the random person who doesn't know anyone.
If your guest is in a relationship, address the invitation to the both of them.
As far as getting a gift from a plus 1, that's a guest-of-your-guest and therefore your guest should be bringing a gift from the both of them together. I've never heard of a true plus 1 bringing a separate gift.
Taking a different side- One goal of a +1 is to give single people someone, ideally a significant other or a date, to spend the evening with. Weddings are romantic and fun for couples, but can be lonely for singles, even if you are good friends with many of the couples. Younger weddings where many guests are single I think it’s fine to invite people solo, but as a couple in our early 30s that would leave a handful of friends being even more painfully reminded that they are alone. Not to mention that I did not attend the wedding of my FH best friend bc we were a new couple and I didn’t want to be the rando... fast forward until now and they still make fun of me for skipping it when he will be the best man at ours!
If they are not in a committed relationship, just a date even if they date often, it is entirely up to you. Correct, you need not pay a lot to host a stranger who is not part of a real couple. As to gifts: when a plus one does not know you, there is no reason for them to bring you a gift. As with any party, they may bring a very small hostess gift, they may not. Unlike their date who does give a gift, the date only owes you a thank you note for inviting him/ her to your lovely wedding. Wedding presents have nothing to do with going to the wedding. They are gifts given at the time of marriage , to show you care for them, and wish them a good start to this important life step. Presumably, if you care enough to go to the wedding, you give a gift. And if you care a lot, but cannot go or are not invited, you give a gift because you care. ( If you don't much care, no gift, but also you decline the invitation.) So one gives a gift, according to the giver's budget, and the relationship with the Bride or Groom. The closer one feels to them, the bigger the gift . The original invitee should give a gift. The plus one has no relationship with you. No substantial gift is called for .