Bride without any family

Hi Sara. I was there.

My dad died when I was 16 and my mom died three years ago - in fact, my wedding was the day before the second anniversary of my mom's death. My grandparents all passed before I was 30, and my only aunt (mom's sister) died the July before my birthday.

It was hard. I'm not going to lie. I cried at the dress salon - and not out of happiness. I cried a LOT during the process because of things that would be different. It made me miss my parents even more. Then, decided that I would not be as traditional - it was going to be a fun, semi-casual time with beer, BBQ, and a band. I did not have a father/daughter dance with a replacement father, for example. My "family" photo consisted of people who were like family to me. My godfather walked me down the aisle, and for that I am grateful.

At my wedding, I had four people who were related to me: my sister, and three cousins. Even my uncle (my aunt's husband) didn't come. I was hurt, but he just couldn't do it after the death of my aunt. My mom's best friend was there with me the entire day, and she and my sister tried so hard to make it a wonderful day. And it was. I hated planning it, but it turned out well. I had a good time with my friends around me.

Good luck!

I want to start by saying that I am so so sorry for your loss, and please believe me when I say that I understand.

I know it is always easier said than done, but the things that always pull me through when I feel like this are to flip the thoughts on their head. Instead of thinking about who won't be there, think about who will be. Your mind is powerful, and if you feed it good thoughts, it will return positive energy to you.

A wedding, a birthday, a funeral, a birth... These are all big events that draw out emotions. Take control of your mind, take control of your day and make sure it is a positive experience.

I can't tell everyone how much appreciate hearing their words. I feel a little better as time has gone by. Things are falling into place that have made me feel better. Then, new things have happened that make me feel worse...

The good:

We decided to ask for RSVPs well in advance (4 months). It's a destination for most, so 4 months is reasonable in our situation. This will give me time to invite friends of my mom's if my family isn't coming.

To avoid any day of awkwardness, I created a "Who's Who and Who to Call" sheet: it outlines immediate family with names. If someone asks about my mom/dad, I'm just handing them a sheet. There will be a memorial list by the guest book and in the program. I've told important people in person (e.g. photographer), but I feel like the sheet for getting ready, program for ceremony, and memorial at reception should be a clue to everyone not to ask, 'where's your mom/dad?'

My biggest new hurdle:

My officiant wants to do 'family vows.' My fiance and I explained I wouldn't have much family, but she seemed to push it: 'We can find a way/friends can stand up instead; it's such a cute idea' kind of response. I was pretty upset by the whole conversation, because I felt like she pushed it. She's aware of my situation, too. I'm reiterating via email that I do not want a family exchange of vows and the situation makes me uncomfortable. I think she'll understand, but...

I don't think this will be the first situation I'll run into like this: someone asking about something touchy and pushing it after I say no. Blarg.