Bride without any family

I'm sorry they won't be able to make it; I know it's not the same, but your FH's family will also be your family, so you will still be surrounded by loved ones!

I know my FH will have more family attending; but I'm okay with it because no matter who is there, we'll have fun. And I'll appreciate the ones who did come even more!

Its not like I'm not excited about his family being there, but I still wish I had some of my own family/friends there. I know I'll be a little bit emotional, so having support from people that understand me will mean a lot that day. I'm only having one bridesmaid, she'll know if I'm about to panic, so at least I have that. But, I guess I just have to hope that my friends will come. The interesting thing about it, if I told a friend it would mean a lot for them to come, I know they would come. Who ever said blood is thicker than water apparently hasn't met my family.

I understand where you are coming from, as both of my parents are deceased. My dad was one of the youngest in his family, the only cousins I really know are 1,000 miles away. My mom's side of the family is closer and younger, but even so, I have many cousins I'm not counting on coming because they couldn't bother with my mom's wake or funeral and that still stings. What makes me angry for you is that they are telling you they can't make it, when your wedding is over a year away. So they already have plans that are more important to your wedding, or they can't find some way, in a year, to finance travel? That does suck. Sorry I can't really give any advice to make your family change, I don't know if anyone can. But it does sound like you have great support in your friends, and try to focus on that.

Mine was very uneven, not because they didn't care, but because all of my family live abroad and flying here is pretty expensive (between $800 and $1,000 round trip, plus hotel, etc). My parents couldn't attend because of my dad's health. It was definitely very disappointing, especially when tallying up all the RSVP's and most of them being DH's family. The morning-of was also tough because my mom wasn't there to help me get ready.

I focused on my friends and family (a few members of my family were able to come) and honestly I had a great time. DH's family and friends were incredibly sweet and welcoming, and got along pretty well with my friends, so overall it was a great experience.

Even not having advice, just hearing that someone else has/is going through it helps a lot. Not that I want anyone to know what this feels like (because it sucks), it helps to know I'm not alone. I keep thinking planning a wedding is supposed to be fun and exciting (with a few standard bumps along the way), but mine has been a lot of crying because I miss my mom and questioning if I honestly want a wedding. I'm terrified I'll end up crying all day and not be able to keep it together. I kept thinking I should reach out to my mom's brother/sister since some (naive) part of me thought they'd make me feel better by knowing they'd be there. And exactly, giving them a year notice and they can't find the money...add to the sting, it's not like they're broke.

@VC In light of the fact that I'm getting so many tentative no's from close family (a year out), I have some family friends/close friends that I want to invite in place of my aunt/uncle. I wanted to invite them originally, but we have a small venue. Which brings me to the issue: we'd pretty much have to do an A and B list. If we invited everyone and by some crazy change of plans everyone said yes, we'd be struggling. It's really difficult to explain to him that I really need some female support that day. Guys just don't really understand the role that your mom fills.

My FH was orphaned as a teen. He was an only child. His closest relative is 70 years old and he hasn't seen or talked to her in years (after his parents died, none of their relatives stepped up to take care of him, so he's been on his own since he was 18). So he has no family attending. It breaks my heart. He says it doesn't bother him, that he's used to it, but it bothers me. He is going to have friends there at least.

Anyway, I doubt this made you feel better, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Again, it totally helps to know other people are going through this. Deep down I know I'm not alone, but I *feel* alone. Part of the issue was I wasn't going to have many friends either, because we have such a small venue. Between his family and their family friends, there wasn't much room to add a lot of friends. But with all of the tentative no's coming in from family, (as taboo as it may be and as much as I wish I didn't have to), I think I'm making that final decision of doing an A/B list. That way the relatives that can't come (valid reasons or not), I can ask the friends I wanted to ask from the get go. My fiance's mom already suggested an A/B list, but I was so against it that I ignored the suggestion. My MOH seems to think it's reasonable in this situation, too. When she gets married, she knows she'll be in the same boat (her family is 1000's of miles away)...Ugh. It's been a long day. Thank you all for posting back. I don't know how I'd maintain my sanity without these forms.

My heart goes out to you. I am in the same boat but I do have two wonderful kids and 2 cousins and one brother that will be at my wedding. I was raised by my grandparents, my granddad passed 4 years ago and my grandmother passed a year ago. It has been the most difficult thing in the world planning with my grandmother who was my mom. FH has one grandmother left and she has stepped up for both of us. But the wedding will predominantly be FH's family and friends.

So sorry you're feeling this way xx

Not quite the same because I still have my dad. But my Mum passed away in 2007, very unexpectedly, I am always getting tearful thinking of her even now. Out of her 5 other brothers and sisters only one stays in touch. Barely any of my cousins came to her funeral. I am not even inviting them to the wedding. Why should I pay good money for people who actually don't care? I would rather invite close friends who WANT to be there.

Sending you lots of love xxxx

I kinda have the same feeling but not necessarily with family but more with friends. I think if we would only invite family the number of people coming from his side and mine side would be pretty even.

But friends wise- I literally only have five friends that I want to ask to come to our wedding plus their SO would make it eight. And that is extremely small considering my boyfriend who has 60 friends or something he wants to invite. It makes me feel really sucky. Although I love his friends and they're truly wonderful people. And yes all 60 of them are beyond great. But that doesn't make it feel any better that my group of friends is so small. I guess it will feel worse if it is your family. But we both don't have a big family so that's not really an issue with us.

Right on the nose: It makes me feel really sucky -- that he has a big family. I really do love all of them, I just need someone on team bride that day too. I realized I want to invite my family, because I'd love for them to meet his family...we'll be one big family at the end of the day. I did the math and the family friends that I want to invite almost perfectly cover the empty places my immediate family would take.

Something else that ran across my mind...I almost feel weird sending an invite to someone that told me they won't come. Would it be rude for me to not send an invite if my family already tells me they are coming? I feel like I should still send an invite. It just feels kind of pointless.

My situation was similar, but you have even less family. My dad passed away 5 years ago. I have my mom, 2 full sisters, and a half. I have 4 aunts that I know. None of my aunts came and neither did my half sister. My 2 full sisters and my mom were there. That was my family. H had both parents, 2 sisters, one brother, 5 nieces and nephews, 8 aunts, 9 uncles, 25 cousins, and then all the cousins' kids. H wanted a full family picture of each side. We did his family first. It was chaotic. Then the photographer asked for my family to join the picture. All 3 of them walked up. My photographer started to get impatient waiting for my family. He felt so embarrassed when I told him it was just those 3.

My husband's family did not attend due to their own choice, so I understand where you are coming from. I had about 120 family members come- all my cousins, their dates, etc... and they all had to travel 10+ hours or a 2 hour flight. We had the wedding in the same state as his family (none of mine) and they still opted out. Will they be traveling? Or what is the reason they said they are not coming? I've skimmed the thread so i may have missed it.

None of my family attended our wedding. Neither of my brothers, my Aunts or my cousins. My Mom died 6 years ago and Dad has been out of the picture since I was 8. I thought I would be ok with it...after all, I was getting MARRIED! But a month afterward, I am hurt and angry. We didn't even get 1 congrats card (it is NOT about gifts, just a simple card would have meant the world). I plan on letting my brothers know how disappointed I am in them both they won't care. On the flip side, my husband's family has been wonderfully welcoming!

I completely understand. I only had six family members at our wedding, while my husband had around 20. It was a little bit of a bummer, but a lot of our friends made up for my lack of family...and now, my husband's family is mine too. :-)

Emily- it's my FH's hometown, but both of our families are scattered. For the most part no one has to go more than 8-10 hours driving/can fly for less than $200/ticket averages. For lodging, we're recommending families rent a cottage together (would average about $50/night). And we're even trying to arrange for some family (e.g. a cousin that's college broke, MOH, older grandparents) to stay at friend's houses and/or at our cottage. So, it's a destination for a lot of people, but none of our families live in one place AND we're going (I think) above and beyond to reduce costs for guests.

Precious- that moment of telling the photographer, yeah that's it...just those few people. I'm terrified of moments like that. I think it seems weird, but I'm self conscious of my lack of family. It doesn't help that my FH's family is pretty large. Like 20 people in the groom family photo, then the bride has 3.

And, Shonerk- exactly. I'm trying to be understanding, but I'm already like really? You can't come? For real? I know I haven't had the closest relationship with some of my family, but not because we hate each other. And we've all openly said how we wish we kept in touch better. I'm getting married. Take this as a family reunion. One of my family members is getting remarried and none of us have met his new wife because they had a small wedding (just their kids since it's a second marriage). I'm thinking, awesome bring her so we can meet her!

It's all irritating. Just doesn't make sense to me, but whatever.

Yes I think you should still send an invite to them and in this case, ok to do a/b list. I like to call it a mayB list. If you can ask someone else to fill in for your parents it might help. Like the close friends you are inviting. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

Oh goodness. You sweet thing. I know how this feels entirely too well. My mom passed away from a fight with cancer and my dad has chosen to take himself out of my life. I have family but don't consider them all too greatly. My future wife on the other hand has a hugeeeee family with about 2/3 guest list being her family alone. It's tough. I am fortunate though that her family had accepted me with wide open arms and love. I'm here to talk. Xo

I'm not going to do family photo's to avoid this really. My dad died and I don't feel right asking my stepfather instead. Or asking my stepfather to please step out of the picture. I want intimate portraits with me and my mom for example but nothing more. To avoid telling your photographer 'this is it' on that moment I would advice to tell your photographer before hand how big or small your family portrait is gonna to be. It will avoid the waiting or the awkwardness in that moment. Also do your family portrait as first; no one can compare than how small it is yet to your FH's family and you won't stand there with mixed feelings. Well less so I think.