Bride with panic/anxiety disorder...HELP

View Quoted Comment OctoberBride-
I just now found this message board and want to thank you for your advice. Your original post sounds quite like my current situation and your follow-up gives me some ease and hope. I didn't initially want a wedding; I just wanted to slip away with my fiance and elope. He was afraid I would look back "x" amount of years from now and regret not having some kind of wedding, no matter how small. So it's our closest family and friends, about 75 total. Still, as it approaches my anxiety is increasing daily. I'm practically in tears and the reason is because I do NOT like being the center of attention. I don't want all eyes on me that day and there's no avoiding it. We're going for our marriage license today and I'm a nervous wreck even now as I consider our impending ceremony.

I was just recently diagnosed with anxiety a little over a month ago (although I've been dealing with it myself for closer to 2 years) my doctor put me on lexapro and recommended me to see a therapist. Personally i think medication was a huge benefit for me (although i know it may not be for everyone). i was really concerned about medication when i first got diagnosed but i am happy to say it has contributed to a lot to helping me as it is safe enough to take daily. i can relate about being terrified to be the center of attention so i know my wedding day is going to be something i struggle with as well. i do also recommend speaking to your therapist about it, they might have suggestions for calming yourself down in those types of situations. Also do not be afraid to rely on your SO, a close friend, or an understanding family member. My fiance has been my "safety net" throughout everything. He doesn't understand anxiety or its effects because he doesn't have it himself but he recognizes when I'm going through it and he does everything he can to help support me and calm me down.

I hope this helps and congratulations, you will be one beautiful bride!

View Quoted Comment

Hello Kathleen!

I am so glad that you found my advice and it is helping you! I was SUCH a nervous wreck when we got our license, too. But did you read all my advice I replied to Pauline? I listed a ton of things that truly helped me. I 10000% understand what you are going through now - but I can tell you with absolute certainty as someone who went through it and came out on the other side - you WILL get through it, you WILL have a beautiful day, and you will be SO happy you took your fiance's advice and had a little wedding. It literally goes by so fast in the blink of an eye....and you are so incredibly busy on the wedding day your brain will have no time to even think about being anxious/nervous. I swear. When its all over you will think to your self "wow, I can't believe I wasted all that time and energy worrying and crying and now its all totally over and it was such a beautiful day". I'm almost at my 1 year anniversary and I still can't believe it lol. Also I was worried about everyone staring at me and being the center of attention, but think of it this way - every single person is there bc they LOVE you and SUPPORT you so much. Imagine them radiating with positive energy and love directed completely towards you and your fiance every moment. Its a beautiful thing. Also remember at the ceremony (it seems like this is what makes you most nervous?) your fiance will be there the ENTIRE TIME! Holding your hand, smiling at you, sharing it all with you. You wont be alone. It will be amazing and you will be so thankful you did it! YOU GOT THIS!!!!! When is your wedding??

I can't thank you both enough for your replies. It helps just knowing there's others out there whom can identify with my viewpoint. I appreciate all the advice and intend to implement it on my own wedding day (which is October 20, 2018.)

View Quoted Comment Hi!!

Thank you so so much for all of your advice above. I’m getting married in the spring and every night before bed I think about if I’m going to be able to make it through the wedding without panicking/fainting/freaking out. I have panic disorder and have been diagnosed since I was 15 (I’m 28 now) but there are some things that even after 13 years still get to me (crowds, eyes on me, basically everything a wedding is!) - it’s interesting because I am actually a very social person, I have a huge family and lots of great friends, but the panic just stays with me no matter how much I grow and how much work I do to help myself. I am truly going to be having the wedding of my dreams, and I’m one of those girls who have imagined it since I was a little girl! It breaks my heart that sometimes I can’t even think of it as a positive and exciting event, but something I’m almost dreading because of panic and anxiety. It’s crazy how you can be so excited and thrilled, but also so scared. Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you, I screenshotted everything you wrote and am going to keep it in my phone and read when I need some reassurance!

View Quoted Comment

Hi Kate!

I am sooo happy that you found my message/advice and that it is helping you. I know exactly how you feel and where you are coming from. People thought I was crazy that I couldn't enjoy any aspect of the planning and that the simple thought of anything wedding related would give me a panic attack and make me want to throw up. I didn't even go pick out my wedding dress with my mom/maids....I just ordered it online. I didn't go with my husband to the food tasting event at our venue....so many things I missed out on and now looking back of course it makes me a bit sad bc I know I had NOTHING to worry about, but at least the main event - the wedding - happened and it was amazing and I had zero anxiety/panic feelings! I am also a very social person with a big family etc but the wedding was just overwhelming and the anticipatory anxiety that snowballed is what made it that way. BUT i am here to tell you that it was amazing and you will truly love every moment - and it will be over in a blink. I 100% know that you reading my advice wont magically make your worries go away but read it as much as you have to and realize you aren't alone - other ppl went through this and made it through with flying colors! you will be so proud of yourself and this might sound corny but it will be a great way to kick off your marriage knowing you took something that terrified you and didn't let it control your life - YOU took control over IT and if you can do this, you can really do anything. You will have the confidence in yourself as an independent awesome person AND as a spouse. that is honestly how i felt the day after my wedding. Please write back and let us know how everything goes. And check in from time to time if you need more advice! I get email alerts when someone writes in this thread.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so so much! ❤️❤️ I definitely will. I feel like we have very similar situations and it’s definitely comforting to know you went through it and had such an amazing day!

View Quoted Comment

Ok, so that is your opinion, based on your profession and experience. If it would be your last choice awesome; but that does not make it appropriate for everyone. There are various factors which contribute to the quantity of individuals taking medication to manage symptoms of mental illness. One of these thankfully has been a cultural shift that has reduced, though not eliminated stigma, allowing parents to seek help for their children, where before those who could have benefited were left to fall through cracks. This is to say that that over medication is one thing; previous under medication of those who need it is another [there is more than one way to conceptualize the increase in that statistic]. My point being that the appropriateness of medication management is a personal decision between a doctor and their patient. Do you have 3-4 kids a year who use albuterol for asthma? Is that "way too much"? Would you presume to pass judgement on that? So why should treatment for psychological be different than physical, when psychological at its root IS physical?

View Quoted Comment

The discrepancy here is that "feeling anxious" or having "panicky moments" is VERY different than clinical anxiety. Just like there is a huge difference in being "particular" or liking something a certain way and clinical OCD. This is reflected in diagnostic criteria. Everyone can not manage symptoms reliably and immediately with deep/controlled breathing. List making and rumination on consequences of failure may increase anxiety for some people. Some people can ask "whats going to happen" and get a "minimalist" answer making them feel better, others get a "catastrophic" answer skewed by cognitive distortions which can make it worse. Point is: Apples and Oranges.

View Quoted Comment

One thing you might consider is working in some private time for you and FH or just you in your timeline throughout the day. Think about how long you think you will be good until you are overwhelmed, or if there are certain things that may be a stressor/key up anxiety. Schedule 5 minutes after that where you can step away, regroup, and center yourself. It may help you keep from getting "flooded". If you have the time scheduled, it is there if you need, if not, you have 5 minutes added to the next thing. But you WONT have anxiety plus pressure to keep going until because the timeline says XYZ right now. We did our timeline this way. Think of a place at your venue that can be your private space.

View Quoted Comment Hi! What kind of smelling salts did you buy? Did you do a full catholic mass or a ceremony?

View Quoted Comment

Hi Jenna! I called a few pharmacies to ask if they had smelling salts and it took me a few tries before I found a place that carried them! Apparently wrestlers use them too and they were sold out. They came in a box of like 10-15. They are generic. They're about 1.5 - 2 inches long, little white paper tubes...it tells you to crush them and then the ammonia comes out. It says "35% alcohol, 15% ammonia, .3 ml ammonia inhalant. Crush once, use and discard." Just call your local pharmacies/CVS, Walgreens, etc. They were super cheap and very small - easy to stick in your bouquet or anywhere really! I thankfully didn't need to use it but it was SO helpful to know I had it, and my MOH had one on her too for backup. We did just the catholic ceremony in the church, not the full mass! I wanted to keep things as short and sweet as possible. Please let me know if you have any more questions at all!!! I hope this was helpful.