Bride is wearing black and it's a themed wedding! Guest attire?

Social media may say otherwise but it is a major faux pas to ask/dictate guests to wear or avoid specific colors. You can request dress code (casual, semi formal, formal, black tie) but nothing beyond that because it turns guests into props for pictures. The bride being the one to ask doesn’t negate the rude factor involved.

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I don't think social media says otherwise, I think logic says otherwise. Are you of the opinion that guests shouldn't wear white to a wedding? Do you not believe in fun themed weddings? Do you really think that asking someone to wear "black tie" isn't dictating what they wear? Also, using the term "turns guests into props" is so untrue! Pretty much every wedding since the begging of time has things that are appropriate and inappropriate to wear!

I think she can include the phrase "guests are encouraged to wear....", but I wouldn't set any firm boundaries/make any demands when it comes to guest attire. It's going to come off as super bridezilla/high maintenance; especially when black is considered the safe "go to" color for events (especially Fall/Winter events!) Almost everyone owns black attire; and people like myself (and probably at least 80% of my friends) own strictly black dresses. I wouldn't feel comfortable in other colors, and wouldn't purchase something I'd never wear again just to attend a wedding. (and just for the record, I think the "no white rule" is absolutely ridiculous as well).

That being said, having a spooky Halloween wedding I would think she would invite/encourage guests to wear black in observance of the holiday! Have her check out photos from Halloween weddings - guests in black looks super chic! I also wore black wedding dresses (1 for ceremony and 1 for reception), and 90% of our guests also wore black. The photos look amazing and in NO way was I "overshadowed" by others being in the same color.

Out of curiosity, what is the theme she is wanting to have?

I don't understand the dark theme and then banning guests from not wearing black. It's a very common color for special events. Is the Bride going to further ban flowery dresses for not being spooky? The couple should reexamine the vision because it's on the border of policing people's bodies. It's also starting to sound like a costume party or a kitschy sorority mixer. Adults can dress themselves. Or prepare to hear more arguments, receive many declines, and ultimately revise the budget/ vision at the last minute. If the concern is that they will fade into the background, no one will lose the bride and groom no matter what they're wearing.

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Yes, I agree totally that it's a suggestion. I saw somewhere to use the phrase "we invite you to participate in our theme," and I thought that was good. I get that everyone has black, but she is open to very casual attire to avoid the color. She's definitely not asking that people completely avoid it because that would be impossible. Although, I think the theme is more important than the not wearing all black, so maybe she'll have to pick one. She's bouncing back and forth between a actual costume party and a celestial/renaissance theme. For reference, most of the family that's invited is into that stuff, so they would have that stuff on hand. Do you think that changes anything?

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You're obviously exaggerating for effect. It's a suggestion and there will be a theme. She would love it if guests avoid wearing ALL black, just as a bride wearing white would ask for no full white! It is a costume party. That's what she wants. It's on Halloween. Everyone coming would be buying a new Halloween costume anyways to go to parties or trick-or-treating with their kids.

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No, don't tell me how I feel. Policing is policing. If your sister wants a farcical wedding, let her go ahead. Be prepared for people to tell you no, they don't want to buy a new outfit to gain entry into a wedding. Or if in costume, guests may be so extravagant they might outshine the Bride. How will she regulate that?

If your sister wants something alternative, perhaps provide Carnival masks for her guests and let them wear whatever they want. Asking guests to purchase clothes for your wedding, AND give the couple a wedding gift is asking much from loved ones.

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I think you're correct - she is going to need to pick one or the other. Asking people to dress on theme AND avoid a certain color is a lot. If she's wanting to shoot for a costume party, banning black is just not going to work. And tbh, I don't know how you would combine celestial with renaissance - they are completely different aesthetics that oppose each other. I've seen multiple themed weddings be duds (guests don't participate because they don't want to spend money on attire for just one evening), but if all the family and friends invited are into that sorta thing, she might have better success! The "we invite you to participate in our theme," wording is perfect! In the end, as long as it's a suggestion and she isn't upset/disappointed by those that choose not to participate, I think she's going to be fine. Personally, I think a costume party on Halloween sounds fun!

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Yes, agree. She was going to include a little page in her invitation called "the vibe" page. It just has some pictures of suggestions. She really doesn't want to make people spend money which is why she's including suggestions that are like "consider removing a blazer from your traditional outfit and adding a quirky necklace you can steal from your wife." I think it's really fun actually.

Avoiding all white is a long standing tradition already widely known whereas a little black dress is so versatile that for many women if they own one special occasion dress that’s often it. So, no, it’s NOT the same thing at all.


Guests are not props and should not be required or asked to dress according to any “theme.” A costume party differs from a wedding in that attendance is not wrapped up in an event that people will not miss. People are a lot more willing to send regrets to a costume party than to a wedding of a loved one.
And no not “everyone” buys a Halloween costume to go trick or treating with their kids or goes to Halloween parties, LOL. And even if they did, they are still free to dress themselves as they see fit. Once you invite guests it’s no longer just about what you want.
What your sister wants to do is not only potentially inconvenient, it’s inconsiderate, not to mention a violation of etiquette.

“No one gets upset when the bride restricts your dress in a traditional sense. Any opinions or advice?”

Um, it’s not the bride who is restricting guests from wearing white it’s the guests themselves, again, according to widely observed and recognized etiquette standards. Guests are adults who dress themselves.

Restrictive clothing "suggestions" can be considered overly controlling on the part of the wedding couple. Just go look at Reddit where guests are confused and/or irritated by overly vague or restrictive dress codes. This is a recent social media thing, and it does give the impression that guests are somehow part of the props or decor for the wedding.

I'm not sure everyone buys a new Halloween costume annually, or even at all.

The basic etiquette around this is "don't tell adults what to wear at your event". I know your sister wants to be different. I love the mask idea suggested by LM.

I agree with everyone else. Unfortunately she is choosing to wear black which is what most people own. Most people don’t own white dresses which is why it’s not really a problem. Most people are not going to go out of their way to buy a dress for one wedding they’ll never wear again. And yes, besides “casual, black tie, etc” you really shouldn’t dictate what someone wears. She can do whatever she wants. She just has to accept she’ll get backlash and get people who aren’t going to adhere to that. The only people I asked to avoid a color were parents. We asked them to avoid burgundy as that’s what my husbands suit color was. But guess what? It was an October wedding. Some guests wore burnt orange, the same color dress as my bridesmaids. Some guests wore button ups the same color as my husbands suit. They’re common fall colors. It’s gonna happen. But if she wants a dark theme it’s kind of hard to ask guests to not wear black. I think she’s going to have to pick one or the other unfortunately

It sounds like you and your sister are pretty set on this idea even though others have already told you it's rude and that guests might not follow the requested attire. If she doesn't like that she's getting push back then she maybe she needs to rethink her vision especially if she's already getting push back from guests more than a year in advance.

I agree with you about people accepting being told not wear white. I've actually had to explain that "rule" and others to several of my guests who have never been to a wedding outside of their cultures. I have several white dresses and no black dresses, so white is actually easier for me. If most of the guests are into the theme, I think it should be fine. They might even buy a special costume or outfit. I know many of my guests are using our wedding as an excuse to buy a new outfit. I see the issue similar to having a childfree wedding: if you don't like it, don't come.

You keep emphasizing "ALL black" but for a wedding attire is usually one item: a dress. A black dress is a black dress. I also would think this would be exactly on-theme for a Halloween themed wedding as a guest I'd be a bit confused why I couldn't wear black to a Halloween wedding? Also... when it's dark all dark colors are going to look the same. What difference does it make if people wear navy or deep purple when it will likely appear black in photos anyway? Does this also extend to men's suits? It seems like a huge imposition for guests and almost forces them to buy something new.