Bride and Groom are inviting people to fill in cancelations

Op- this happened to me not too long ago. Well let's just say me and the girl are no longer friends! Especially after my declination text

I'm not a fan of weddings in general, so I wouldn't go. I can totally see how someone who loves a party and an open bar might be fine with it, but I think most people would be hurt.

I can understand it coming off rude and I don't think anyone should "plan" or aim for this, but- I will say: I was invited like this back when I was a teenager. My mom had a coworker whose brother was getting married. (Not a relation or even a friend..just someone my mom would hear about when her coworker would mention plans). Well literally days before the wedding, an entire family (4 people? 6? 8?) had to duck out of coming after RSVPing YES due to an unexpected, tragic death. Well- they paid for a headcount and my mom's coworker invited my folks and I. It was one of the best weddings I've ever been to. Cuban-American Catholic mass and the most delicious food!!! It helps that my mom and I have always been huge fans of weddings

I originally was going to do a b list because there are people I really really want to come but family and only super close friends have to come first. After reading forums I decided against it, however, I have been b listed and was not offended at all. If my best friend in the entire world did it to me I would be hurt, but this friend I only see occasionally and I know they were on a super tight budget. I was just happy to get the chance to go and share in their day.

And to add to the above posts- sometimes it absolutely is an issue of people just not having the money to invite everyone they want. I have a bunch of people that I am really sad won't be at the wedding due to budget constraints. It's sad to think I could potentially be paying for empty seats if people decline (there's a 150 adult food minimum) when I could have had everyone I love there.

You do not try to fill seats last minute before wedding.

Way to show people you love and care for them is inviting them in the first place. If not, count the loss and get over it.

It's rude no matter what. " Uncle Tom couldn't come. Oh well let me call Sandy." Sandy being a b lister. Aka having a tiered wedding.

Unless you are okay with being an after thought though. But that reflects you and how you let people treat you.

I don't consider it an afterthought. I know my friends and we have a huge group. Of course they would choose those they've known for 20 years over those they've known 15. I don't know about anyone else but my initial list had 200 people on it. Now it's at 150 because that's my minimum and I literally can't afford to go over. It doesn't make my relationships with the other 50 people less important. It was a very tough decision. Distance mostly was the deciding factor. It's hard.

But you made choices regarding your venue that limit how many people can attend. So you chose a specific venue rather than those last fifty people. If you had it at a Knights of Columbus hall you could have had all 200, but it would have impacted your "visions." There is nothing wrong with making the choice that you did to have a venue that cant fit everyone you want to invite, but don't pretend it is a matter of finances that created that situation, and then justify rude behavior based on that misrepresentation. If you really cared about those last 50 people you would have selected a different venue. Inviting them after the fact makes it totally clear to them what your priorities were.

I didn't have my list when I picked the venue. Not everyone does. As I said before, I've been b listed and it's not a big deal. I'm not one to take anything in life that seriously. It's just a wedding. Just a day. In the end my friendships and relationships with family are stronger than being offended about getting a late invite. It's not that big of a deal.

I went to the wedding yesterday and there were definitely some B list guests including family and friends of the groomsmen. A lot of the B list guest left early. I believe it feels awkward to attend a wedding of people you don't know or barely know.

I would love to know why they had so many cancelations because I believe it was supposed to be a wedding of 100 people and it ended up maybe being 60.

@EW- I have a feeling you don't quite understand the implications with this. Last minute invites indicate you are in fact an afterthought. Not only were you not good enough to make the original list but then someone else had to cancel for you to be invited. I don't know how you wouldn't be at least a little offended. Imo invite me the first time or don't invite me at all. I understand the way budgets work and wouldn't be offended at all. The last minute because someone canceled is shady as hell. One because you are just trying to fill a seat; not include me based on our relationship. Two because presumably you expect me to bring a gift. Even if the intent was not gift fishy, deep down people expect it.

@Op: the same happened with the wedding I was talking about. The bride was a complete zilla. The cap bar met the cap pretty quickly. After a delay and some guests buying their drinks, it was extended. The event ended early because of an emotional breakdown. I guess just a complete disaster. I heard the food was good and the only part I missed was the groom grinding on another guest.

@TreeShad OMG that sounds like a complete mess! And I agree with your reasoning for not attending a wedding after a last minute invite. I automatically assumed the bride and groom were just trying to get gifts to cover those plates.

Yeah that's super rude and tacky. If I was b-listed I probably wouldn't go. I would forever think that I was an afterthought in this persons mind.

How rude!

I already said I'm not doing it. I'm just saying that I've been b listed and can see why people would do it. You are exactly why I'm not doing it. Some people get hurt. I guess I'm just not that sensitive but some people are.

I actually don't even know for a fact if I was b listed but basically my STD and invite came the same week. This bride was super unorganized and she's kind of spacey so who knows. I still sent the RSVP in time, etc. maybe you're talking about totally last minute b listing?

For example- my step sister lives in Spain. I haven't even sent out STD yet and she's already said she can't come. You're saying it would be rude to send out a couple extra STD and invites because I know there will be extra spots? Obviously if she ends up coming then that would be great. I would accommodate her and her family.

ETA- what if I add people on FMIL list who neither of us has even met?

Darn that's rude. :•

Very tacky. He should have gotten rsvps. And gotten a better head count. His bad!

@EW a last minute invite is the case where no std or invite was received. Only after cancelation does the bride and groom reach out to invite you either by a phone call, dropping by the week of the wedding with an invite, text, or Facebook message

I could see this happening but it all could have been handled better. I have a professional wedding planner and she explained to us how the A-B list works. There's a lot of people we really want to invite but given the amount of money that's going into just the plate settings (2,400$ for 250 people) we can't continue to add people. If some of our guests are not able to come I could see asking those who I originally wanted to come but couldn't afford to. After all, there's a lot of family and in our case, business partners, that have to get invited prior to friends, it has nothing to do with them being secondary

On the flip side, there may be a lack of budget or venue space for a couple to even get to invite everyone they wanted there. It may not be an A or B list of people liked but a money or space issue which makes it difficult for the Bride & Groom not getting to have everyone they want there.