Bridal Shower - Hosting/bridesmaids etiquette

The shower invitation should have listed all the names who contributed to the shower as hostesses, not just one. I think my BMs spent roughly $300 for my shower and we had about 20 guests.

All who is contributing needs to be listed as host. She doesn't get to set the budget either. You all need to come up with one together.

The invitation should have been written "Hosted by [Bride's Name]'s Bridal Party" if all had helped by for the bridal shower, that is what I had written when I did the invitation for my friend's bridal shower.

Omg, this sounds like the MOH for my friend’s wedding! She sent us each an invoice basically. The passive aggressive person in me would be tempted to say “oh! Thanks so much for stepping up and hosting the entire thing yourself! That is so kind of you and will really help me financially.”

It's a tough situation. She's already purchased things and is expecting us to hand over the money.

I.e., she spent ~$300ish on just utensils, plates, cups, games/decor. I assume she's going to spend more money on food and will be asking for that too. She just went ahead and purchased those items without telling us the amount or if we'd be OK with the purchase price. Previously, I'd asked her for a budget, but I'm realizing now that I should have plainly said, "I can pitch in $x and that's it."

What's even weirder is that she's asking MOH and me to split costs, but hasn't reached out to the other BMs. I have no idea what to say to her to be honest.

This whole situation has really put me off from her as a friend.

And thank you! I wasn't sure if we should have been on the invite or not, but it's too late. She wants us to help pay, but it says only hosted by her. I feel like it'd be rude to not help out now. I have no idea what to do/say and maintain grace.

View Quoted Comment

LOL! I wish I could write that. I want to politely point out that she's hosting and should have realized what that meant, but don't want to be "that bridesmaid" that is always raising issues. I also don't want to stir drama, although I'm sure I may already have with the pushback on the $.

If someone puts "hosted by" then that means they pay for the whole thing. If you want to chip in, you do so with your time to help decorate or whatever. Usually the mother, aunts, grandmother and BM's chip in $$ with the family usually pitching in the most and sometimes the grooms throw in some bills and shows up at the last hour of the event with his bestie and take the gifts and his bride to be home. You should check in the the bride's mom.

This BM is seriously out of line. She should not be expecting you and others to financially contribute without asking your budget and discussing with you how the money is being spent. You are WELL within your rights to give her a specific amount you can afford to spend and tell her that's ALL. She does not get to spend unlimited amounts of your money. That's ridiculous. Also, it was rude of her to put only her name on the invite. Anyone contributing time or money to this shower should have been named.

Is there a "politically correct" or gracious way that I could tell her that I'm only giving $x? I've given half of what she's asked for so far, and she's honestly expecting me to pony up the rest in the future.

Also, is there a polite way to ask her what the heck she was thinking when she put Hosted by Herself only? Or should I just let bygones be bygones? (The mature thing would probably be to just let it go, haha.)

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughts!

Being polite doesn't mean being a pushover. Give what you're comfortable with and don't feel guilty about it. I would ask why she only put her name on the invitations, why she didn't ask the other BMs to contribute and why she didn't consider your budget. At the end of the day, she did this to herself. She's lucky if you even give her anything.

😤🙄 She wants all of the credit and everyone else has to pay a cut. First of all there should definitely be a budget and items need to be agreed upon before purchasing. If everyone has to contribute financially they should be allowed to contribute ideas and agree on the amount spent. It’s rude to assume someone is able to pay for something, as you are not considering their expenses and incomes. I suggest a conference call or Skype meeting with everyone. I am almost 100% sure you aren’t the only one feeling this way.