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Just Said Yes August 2018

Bridal shower guests paying to attend

Chelsea, on August 23, 2018 at 7:50 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 34
Hi ladies

I was invited to attend both the bachelorette and bridal shower for a close friend. We covered our own costs for the bachelorette which was totally fine, but now for the bridatshower, the bridesmaids who are all hosting it at a local high tea shop have basically told us that we are chipping in for a gift for the bride as a group and that we will need to pay foe the cost of the high tea to attend as well.

Does this sound crazy to you? I've googled a bunch and it doesn't seem common for guests to have to pay to attend a bridal shower. I had already gotten a gift when they told us about their plan (1.5 wks before the event) and they seemed annoyed and surprised that I had gotten a gift already. We were only informed about the shower date and location 2.5 weeks prior.

Just looking for your thoughts on my situation and what you would do about it... Thanks!

34 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on January 19, 2020 at 7:56 PM
  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    I wouldn’t attend a shower where I had to pay my own way. If these girls are “hosting”, they should be paying.
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  • Randi
    Devoted August 2019
    Randi ·
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    I would consider attending but politely decline on the group gift.
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  • FirstTimeMOB
    October 2018
    FirstTimeMOB ·
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    I would politely decline a shower where I was asked to pay to attend.

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  • E
    Super October 2017
    Emily ·
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    I wouldn't attend either. I would give my gift to the bride with apologies for being unable to attend. I probably wouldn't throw them under the bus, but I would want to!

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  • BrandiWeds18
    VIP May 2019
    BrandiWeds18 ·
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    She told every guest they had to pay their way for a bridal shower? They should be hosting everyone's meal, now if you want to go in on a group gift that's another thing. I'd decline to participate and i'm sure some other's are probably wondering this as well.

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  • OG Gretchen
    Super June 2018
    OG Gretchen ·
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    You don't invite people to a party and then charge them for anything. The party host should HOST the party.

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  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·
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    That would be the quickest no from me, ever.

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  • N
    Devoted October 2018
    Nicole ·
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    Usually whoever hosts pays shower and full. Only the bachelorette and bachelor parties are paid by attendees.
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  • Janel
    Super September 2018
    Janel ·
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    Yeah they can’t decide this is what you’re giving her
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  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
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    Absolutely not! The hosts shouldn’t be telling you that you’re going in on a gift nor should you pay to attend. I would decline and look up the friend’s registry and send a gift from there.

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  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
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    Such poor etiquette Smiley sad you dont pay to attend a shower
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    That does sound crazy to me. Usually the bridesmaids pay for the bachelorette, and the bridal shower if they can. NOT the guests. I'd be horrified!

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  • Samantha
    Dedicated May 2018
    Samantha ·
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    I had to pay $65 to attend a shower once. The meal was maybe worth $40. I didn't bring a gift.

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  • rica
    VIP September 2018
    rica ·
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    The problem with this is it doesn't sound like the bride's fault. I'd hesitate to decline based on someone else's bad etiquette. But this definitely isn't normal and is super rude.

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  • C
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Chelsea ·
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    Thanks for confirming that I'm not crazy girls!! 😅 I don't think the bride directed them to do this but I'm sure she knows what's going on and doesn't have an issue with it haha.
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  • OG Gretchen
    Super June 2018
    OG Gretchen ·
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    Dare I ask what the gift is that you are being told you are paying for?

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  • C
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Chelsea ·
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    A tiffany bracelet 😅
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  • OG Gretchen
    Super June 2018
    OG Gretchen ·
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    I'm sure you have a "very important appointment" that day and you are so devastated to miss out, right?

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    If a few people are throwing a shower for the bride, they should invite only as many people as they can afford to pay for. A batch of brownies and a pot of coffee in someone's living room, with 12 people, is fine for a shower, if that is all the hostesses can afford. Sometimes brides families or friends end up with a few small showers, separate, with each hostess paying for their own. If they want a bunch of people at a high tea in a tearoom, those hostesses pay everything but parking cost. And it is super rude to ever expect guests to pay for the food or space, and even worse to choose a gift, and tell people to chip in on the price. These bridesmaids or whoever have no manners. If you would have given the bride a gift, send one to her. And politely decline the shower. And feel free, when declining, to politely say, I never accept shower invitations from people who do not have the good manners to host a party , and expect guests to do that, nor do I accept others choosing a gift, and expecting me to share that bill. Be polite, which is more than they deserve.
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  • L
    Beginner December 2018
    Lydia ·
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    Oh that is a shame that they are looking for asking for people to pay their own way for a shower. People should plan based on what they can afford.

    As for a group gift you have a choice on that and if they were thinking about doing something like that they should have mentioned it a long time ago.

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