Bridal Shower Advice

I'd like to know where you saw that comment on here, because the most popular opinion on WW is never throw yourself a bridal shower or bachelorette. If no one offers, you don't have one.

Somebody else is supposed to host. I think they usually ask you for a list of people that you would like invited and then you just show up (and bring a hostess gift).

Surprise showers are totally a thing. It's very kind for some to throw one for you so you aren't supposed to be picky.

@Amanda I can't recall the post.

@Ariadne I will get a list ready for my aunt, my concern is that she will use it as a an excuse to invite her friends that I did not invite to the wedding.

The surprise part varies by family, I think. I've been to showers where they bride-to-be was very involved in every aspect (not hosting, but had a say in food, decor, guests, etc); my BM's - at the urging of my mom - decided to keep everything a surprise from me. That was inconvenient as

A) the late summer and early fall is super busy for me, and I needed to know at least the date. I finally got around this one by stating that I was making plans for every weekend in August; if they wanted me at my own shower, I'd better have the date immediately.

B) my (F)H was supposed to get me there on time, but he wasn't familiar with the town it was held in, but I was. I could have saved us some time and aggravation if I had known at least the location ahead of time.

You don't throw your own shower. You will most likely be asked for a list or perhaps they will ask your FS for a list if they want it to be a total surprise. Usually it's about a month before the wedding but could vary. Showers can be a surprise but I think most brides are aware before-hand or generally figure it out. If you are asked for a list, then you can certainly ask the host/hostess if they wouldn't mind keeping it on the smaller side. My MOH asked me to help with the menu and then didn't take any of my advice, and I'm an event planner. Other than that, I stayed out of it.

Thanks guys, I just asked if it could be closer to the wedding date since lots of friends and family aunt included are flying in for the wedding and I would love to have them there. I also said to run the date by me first since I am going to running errands closer to the date and would like to show up.

You shouldn't throw your own shower. Also, it generally isn't a good idea to have it to close to the wedding (definitely not the same weekend). If they are getting you a gift for the shower and the wedding it is a little weird to have them too close together.

@Rosered My reasoning for the date is that many of my dearest friends/family and the host actually are not living in California were the wedding is being held. They fly in the week before the wedding. We are moving out of country so we asked for no gifts or an envelope gift if they feel the need to bring a gift.

I do not believe anyone on here told you to throw your own shower.

What about hosting a welcome reception instead if you don't want gifts?

Never throw your own shower.

Surprise showers are def a big thing.

If you don't want gifts don't register but that's a really odd thing for a shower since it is a big gift giving party.

@Rosered I like the welcome reception idea since I really don't want gifts we are moving to England after I really don't want to take more things with me. I will let my Aunt know who is hosting she really wants a bridal shower as a last party before I move but I will give her that idea that may be better suited for my situation. Thanks

@OliviaP I stated my aunt is hosting. I just was not clear on the etiquette that is why I asked and I prefer no gifts or cash.

@033118 I never said anyone on here told me I said I read it on another post.

No, please don't host your own party or bridal shower. Maybe you read it wrong? Or they may have been very sarcastic I'm not sure. Let your aunts people host a shower.

@Miss2Mrs Yea I think she was being sarcastic and me being me didn't get it

@OliviaP Thanks for the advice. But I do not recall asking for cash, I will not register for gifts because I am flying over seas and bringing gifts is a hassle. I have asked for no gifts and an envelope gift if they feel the need, honesty they can bring a card with no money it is totally fine. It feels like you are trying to make me seem to only want gifts. Like I stated my aunt really wants to throw me one which I think we change to a welcome reception as I previously have stated.

Asking for envelope gifts IS asking for cash. You posted your invitation yesterday if I am remembering right, and another poster told you that.

@TarHeel729 I just went back and read those so I didn't see them to response. The thing is I really don't want gifts at all and a lot of people in my guest lists bring huge gifts and since I am moving and plan on doing very little shipping since shipping to England is not cheap whatsoever. I literally googled it before and found this http://www.printsonalities.com/category/archives/resources/wedding-invitation-wordings/overseas-gift-wordings

I have friends is that wording before and never saw it as an issue. I also had a friend move to Japan and she used the same wording. I think when a couple is moving from California to England it should be stated that bigger gifts would be an inconvenience. But I am totally fine with them not bringing gifts.

@OliviaP You do not read update comments. I said it is going to be a welcome reception, I texted my aunt and said not to call it a bridal shower. Also my situation is very different from most brides. I am moving one week after the wedding 5000 miles away. I do not want to worry about gifts and going through customs with a bunch of gifts.

If you want to spend quality time with friends and family before you move I would invite them to the rehearsal dinner or host a day of the wedding brunch and only invite select people.

@txncdelphia thanks for the input. Yea I think a brunch will be a great day. My aunt really wants to have something for me and I think a brunch is a good idea.

If you don't register for gifts, people generally give cash in an envelope. You don't have to tell them to do that. I get not wanting gifts before you move to another country, but it is always rude to ask for cash. Always. Spread it word of mouth that you don't want gifts. If people give you physical gifts, thank them for it. If you don't want to ship the gift to your new home, you can return it. A welcome reception for your guests sounds lovely. ETA - Or a brunch. I've been to both as an OOT guest and really enjoyed them.