Bridal Party

October seems so far away, but they should be getting their dresses ordered. Did you pick them out at a store or are you having them order them online?
Request a girls day.
Just say you want to go to the store and order dresses and then go out to dinner together to catch up.
If you're ordering them online, have a girls night in. Have a little party with some snacks and wine and get all the dresses ordered.
If it's super important that they help you with stuff, ask them to help you with DIY stuff that night too.

View Quoted Comment We all live in different states I rely on communication but they’re always busy..

How far away do they live? I know they live in different states. Is there a middle ground you can plan a trip to meet and do things? Ship everything back to your place.

Where are they ordering dresses from? Some of my girls didn’t order theirs until a month before the wedding but everyone had it on the day of. And it’s not a bridesmaids job to help plan the wedding. I would talk to your fiancé about needing help.

View Quoted Comment Your maid of honors job is literally to help you plan.... to help take the stress off of you? What? I’m meaning they are completely unresponsive please don’t jump to conclusions. I told them all to find a dress any dress that makes them feel drop dead gorgeous. No one has. I’ve tried to send the a message when I would like to chat about stuff for the wedding, nothing no response. That is what I mean....

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s definitely not the maid of honors job to help you plan but we can agree to disagree. Have you tried talking to them about other stuff besides the wedding? Sometimes it can be overwhelming for people. As far as the dress if you’ve given them guidelines I wouldn’t keep bugging them about it. Let adults be adults and trust that they’ll have one by the wedding. I say this as someone who has been a bridesmaid 14 times and had my own wedding with 10 bridesmaids.

Hi. Do you at some point plan to hire a wedding coordinator? Because that person could really become your BFF in terms of planning this whole thing and sharing the stress and getting a lot of weight off you. I would also suggest asking some other women friends that live in your city if any of them would want to help you with planning (and enjoy it) ... some ladies totally enjoy planning parties/weddings etc. Just gotta ask for help and find them. Good luck!

I know what you mean girl! haha I'm on a similar situation, in my case my sister is the MOH and I don't have anymore bridesmaids, my sister she has two little girls and I have a two year old boy with lots of energy! so, I understand she can't always be there for everything but I don't ask either to be honest. With my fiancé, I do ask him to help me with some things but I honestly just rather do it myself, he is a sweetheart and doesn't mind helping but I rather get them done myself tbh (Control freak over here). I am getting stuff done doing everything myself but I know sometimes I do wish I could get more help. Stay organized and keep on checking off the to do list, you can do it girly. Try to stay in constant communication with your fiancé and bridesmaids, but don't stress about it, you got this!

View Quoted Comment Thank you someone reads my mind 💁🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Bummer.

I have one bridesmaid in a different country. She's invited to the shower and bachlorette. But I don't expect anything from her other than her opinion on ideas from time to time and to show up in a specific dress and support me the day of.

My other bridesmaids are within an hour of me. But we pretty much just talk via messenger. Kids and jobs keep us all busy. I only ask them for vendor recs (or warnings). I also only ask them for their help planning if I'm doing something and need an extra opinion or 4.

Sorry you’re feeling this way! My bridesmaids were sweet and supportive but remember, the wedding stuff is a priority in the bride’s life but it may not be to them, I’m sure they’re very excited for you and the wedding but they may be busy with stuff. Just send a reminder to get their dresses soon.

Its the bride’s vision and big day so ultimately the bride (and groom, i guess haha) needs to be the one to plan it. Invite them to fun outings like shopping for wedding accessories/decor etc or get their opinions but it shouldn’t be their job to plan. That may cause unnecessary tension or drama when expectations are placed on them.

i decided early on that I wasnt going to put pressure on anyone, that it meant the world to me for them to stand up there with me and agree to be my bridesmaids at all. And we are all still close today. I’ve heard of friendships being ruined over unrealistic expectations during wedding planning.

good luck with everything! Enjoy this time, it may seem stressful now but looking back it’s a very special time in your life!

It’s not unrealistic to want communication in anyway I don’t expect anything but communication. I love my ladies they know that they are my family I just mean it sad I never get to actually get opinions or any advice. My man can only incorporate so much and the rest is my view and it’s hard to always give my view when I feel unsupported in ways.

I would ask your mom, your sister if u have one, your step mom if u have one, and ur MIL for help! I feel like mom’s are good w helping! :

I felt the same way with my moh (she’s the only member of my bridal party). I’d hoped she would be a little more supportive/involved and I didn’t feel as if she was very interested in anything wedding related. I soon realised that it was all due to a lack of communication. Everyone has different ideas of what role the Moh and BMs play and if you are hoping they would be a bit more involved it might be worth talking to them about it. Just letting them know you’re overwhelmed and would love to have their input/assistance. Some of your girls might be worried they are overstepping boundaries if they tried to get too involved.
Hope it all works out

I’m in the same boat as you about the whole they don’t seem to care thing but I have to remind myself that’s it’s MY wedding and not theirs. Of course I’m more excited and they are excited FOR me but not WITH me. I get that they have their own lives and am just happy they have agreed to stand by my side.

But on to the dress thing... That’s nice of you to let them pick what they are most comfortable in but since y’all live in different states, why don’t you narrow it down to places/websites that YOU like? That way it’ll help both them and you to get to choosing/ordering a dress faster. You’re the bride. Give them a deadline. Tell them if you want it long or short and in what color. Hope that helps. And you are not alone. The WW family is here for you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt alone but then I turn to this community and everyone is helpful and will give you opinions if needed. Good luck and best wishes to you! Feel free to message me if you want and I’ll be glad to give you opinions.

I completely understand you wanting them to choose a dress that makes them feel beautiful, confident and comfortable. However, some people need a push in one direction, otherwise it leaves them feeling overwhelmed to make the “right” decision. For my bridesmaids, I picked out a specific color at David’s Bridal and gave them only a few requirements, floor length and no lace. As laid back as you are, sometimes people need a little direction to help them get going.
Also, I’m not sure if your communicating with them via a group message or individually, but from personal experience, many of my girls respond more in a private text versus the group text. Maybe try reaching out to them individually to talk wedding.
Best of luck! And remember, know one is going to be as excited, as you are, for your wedding. With that being said, they should definitely be somewhat invested, I mean they did agree to stand by your side after all!

I think some women want and need direction. This is a know your crowd thing. Instead of telling them to find just any dress at any store you should probably be narrowing that down to a store that is available to all of them or an online option. Things might run smoother... Also don't ask when to chat about the wedding, just send it haha. You might get a response awhile later or not. I sent group texts to my girls about bachelorette trip and dresses and while nobody really responded at first eventually I got what I needed out of them as they sent me separate texts and gave me info days after. It can be frustrating cuz I am a right away texter but not everyone else is like that.

View Quoted Comment I told them they could show up in pants and a t shirt as long as they are attending and present. I’m doing everything DIY that’s why I didn’t coordinate a store for their dresses. I got mine off amazon most things off amazon. I’m speaking on communication in anyway... yes their excited but not everyone’s excitement is real. So please for you bride who forget not everyone likes this stuff and or to be involved but take up roles in your party end up hurting you. Another thing is you all like to say no one in your bridal party is suppose to help you or anything. Yet this app distinctly has a check list and residing in that list is assign your wedding party their duties and etc.....

View Quoted Comment

I never said the bridesmaids weren't supposed to do anything... I said they need more direction. If you're going to be so nonchalant about what they wear then of course they don't care. You can't put in less than half the effort and then get mad when they don't put in effort on their end.. Just a thought! Instead of sulking, give more direction. You'll need to get dresses ordered soon if they are coming from anywhere that custom makes them in case the girls need alterations done also. I never gave my girls a checklist. They aren't supposed to help with your wedding planning but help with their dresses, bachelorette, bridal shower, DIY decor. But if they all live far away the decor aspect might not be feasible.

IMO MOH is supposed to be heavily involved in planning, mine is. But also so should your fiance.
I'd start with the fiance and give him a clear task. He's getting married too, he needs to pull his own weight.
As far as bridesmaids go they might need deadlines such as you need to order your dress by X date. I would definitely give ideas to them because people struggle with open ended tasks, especially if you're not physically close to them you'll need to coach them a lot. I'd start in a group chat, if they don't respond or make effort over a week then send private messages and calls.
When I was a bridesmaid we had deadlines, it made everything easier.