Bridal Party - need advice

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It's entirely optional for them to get it done professionally. This was only if she was planning on using the stylist that's coming to the venue.

View Quoted Comment If you’re not making them get professional hair and makeup done (it being voluntary for them to choose to do so) no biggie.
No one is calling you a terrible bride, we’ve just given our honest input regarding the reality of your expectations coming to fruition, you’re welcome to completely ignore it. I too have many a times copped a whopping for doing things a certain way, sometimes I’ve stuck to my guns, other times I’ve taken the feedback on board and tried to change the perspective.

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Yes, I was considering it because this particular BM has 3 people in the wedding (her, husband, and daughter). I'm already covering all costs associated with her daughter being the FG- which is traditionally her expense. But given they still have to pay to rent her husband's suit I considered pitching in for the hair/make-up, which would mean she'd be spending the same amount as the other two girls.

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It is entirely optional, they were all told they could get it done at the venue by the stylist as she's doing it on site or just do it themselves. I expressed that I trusted each of them and knew they were more than capable to do it themselves if they couldn't afford the professional stylist. We aren't doing anything super fancy for hair, so it's not serious.

View Quoted Comment Regardless, I still think it's rude to pick up the cost for one, but not the others. It comes across saying the other bridal party members aren't as important to you.


Either way, it's your wedding and you're free to do as you wish. Good luck.

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Sorry you are confused. Yes, I'm saying if it is optional each bridesmaid can pay for whatever services she wants. I wouldn't pay for the one's services and expect the others to pay for their own. She accepted being a bridesmaid and there are certain costs associated with that. You are being very nice for paying for the flower girl's things. We were in a similar situation. Our flower girls, ring bearer and usher are all siblings and it would have been a huge financial cost to their parents (my husband's brother and sister-in-law) to expect them to pay for things for all four children so we covered the cost of some of their things. We also had two couples in our wedding. Both guys had to rent tuxes and both girls had to buy their bridesmaids dresses and have alternations done. One of the girls had her hair, makeup and nails done professionally. The other girl just had her hair done professionally. She choose only to have her hair done professionally because she doesn't wear a lot of makeup and she wanted to do her own nails. I know she also bought new shoes for the wedding. They could have declined if it would have been too much for them to spend with both of them being in the wedding, but they decided what options worked best for them financially.

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No, you should not go the extra step and pay for her hair and makeup. You're paying for her daughter's part in the wedding to help cut their costs. In my opinion, that's something entirely different since she's kind of a "special addition" to the wedding party. The husband and wife knew they would both be incurring costs associated with the wedding when they accepted. As others have said, it's best to pay for all or none. If you aren't paying for the other BMs, then don't pay for hers, either.

Now, if she comes to you privately to say that it's just too much, then that's a different story, and you could consider it. But, since you said it's optional, and they all agreed, then I must assume that she's ok with it.

If I were you, I would skip the mani-pedis and just pay for your bridesmaids' hair and makeup. But I do agree with the others that singling one person out is not the way to go.

I was having an issue deciding on this as well. I'm going to pay for the partial amount of their hair and makeup. I want them to all have their hair done professionally so I am going to pay for that and if they want their make up done they can cover that themselves. Their makeup will be about $80 if they want the artist to do it.

As long as she isn't required to get her hair and makeup done professionally, and you aren't requiring a specific style, you shouldn't have to pay for it unless you want to as a nice gesture or if you are worried she wants it but can't afford it. I've been in two weddings, both times the hair and makeup cost was $150 (I paid both times, it was optional). One was in San Diego, and one was in LA. Our wedding was in Denver, the hair & makeup cost was $140 per bridesmaid (it was optional but I paid for it if they wanted) so I do think $180 is high but as long as it's optional, I don't see an issue with it being a little more expensive. As a bridesmaid, I prefer the bride pays for something like dress/travel/hair/makeup/hotel rather than a gift - because the gifts are typically jewelry I can't wear (sensitive to certain metals) or isn't my style, or something personalized with their wedding date that I won't use again, or a cheap robe. I might feel different if it was actually a gift I really liked or wanted. I think the nails is a nice thing to do! I did that with my bridesmaids, I paid for everyone's nails and toenails that could go (ended up being two bridesmaids, flower girl, my mom, my husband's mom and his stepmom), we paid for everyone's hair & makeup, a chair masseuse while getting ready, then gifts on the wedding day (and proposal gifts + bachelorette gifts).