Breaking the Norm

I agree that this is not at all rare these days, but the decision whether or not to change is probably pretty regional. I live in a progressive city and here people don't automatically assume a woman is changing her name.

Good for you! I think it's a super personal decision and love when women want to keep their name. I never really understood why/how people would just drop their last name for their partner's. My last name's sentimental to me, and it's who I am, I wouldn't just erase it. But I did hyphenate my last name with his, in a sense of pride to be married to him, but also proud of who I am - if that makes sense. His coworkers actually made a negative comment about how I chose to hyphenate... disgusted that anyone thinks they should have an opinion on what one chooses to do with their name once married.

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Fh is thinking about changing his, as well. How did you go about doing that????

View Quoted Comment He went to the judge and petitioned a name change. I think every state is different on the process. But his was quick and easy. It was changed in maybe a week.
Call the county clerk. They should be able to head you in the right direction/department.

View Quoted Comment Oops wasn’t done.
He filled out a paper and waited for an appointment after he turned it in. He got a call the next day. The judge approved it and he paid his fee. I think it was $150-$200. Then he changed it at the SS office, DMV etc. he did it about 2 minutes this before the wedding so I could change mine easily/for free 😊

View Quoted Comment Lol! Men can be such procrastinators.

I feel like its almost more rare to find people who are taking their FH's last name now. I personally am taking his last name.

I think it depends what community you're from or in. In my career (academia), it is often looked down upon for women to change their names when they get married. When one woman in my PhD cohort decided to change her name upon getting married, she faced a lot of backlash. I liked my name anyway, so my decision to keep it was a non-issue.

View Quoted Comment Lol! Where do you live? I assure you nationwide, a woman taking her husband's name is more common and statistics show it.

View Quoted Comment Oh yes, I can only imagine. May I ask which subject of academia you're in?

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I was talking about on this website.

🙋‍♀️I'm not. And we aren't hyphenating, either. People look at me funny, but I don't care. It's just how we are!

I would never take a man’s last name. It’s not something I believe in, and my identity is just as important as a man’s identity. The history of name changing and what women were unable to do without men’s approvals (such as having or using a credit card) and whatnot is a large part of why it’s not something I could ever do.

I kept mine.

I kept my last name! It is a little weird when my husband and I make appointments for each other, but I wanted to keep my name because of my profession. My mom also kept her last name when she married my dad, but it slowly evolved hyphenating my dads last name after a few decades. I bet that’ll eventually happen to me.

View Quoted Comment Omg why do I feel the same way about the mom thing!! 😅😅😅Im also keeping mine!

I kept my name!

I think you see a lot of posts, because for those who do change their names.... it's a pain!

But I like my name, I'm an only child, and I have a resume full of credits under my name. Also, MIL didn't change her name (MIL to me, when we first got engaged: "...Are you changing your name?" Me: "NO." Her: "Good girl.") - though, tbf, her name is awesome. (It references mythological creatures).

So, DH had no expectation that I would change mine.

Edit to add:

I live in the NYC area, and no lie, I got *MAD* at people who addressed gifts to Mr. and Mrs. DH's last name, or DH and Rebecca DH's last name. FIRST OF ALL, if you know his family... there is no such person as Mrs. DH's last name. Doesn't exist. Nope. And while I know a lot of women who haven't changed their name... I didn't change it on social media, I was very vocal about not changing it... and ... I dunno. ASK. (Particularly with checks. I can't cash something not in my name.)

View Quoted Comment Hahaha! My fiancé was joking around and called me Mrs. Baumgartner one day. I was like ewww that’s your mother!! Nothing will kill romance like that lol Since that day, I have been set on keeping my own last name

I kept my last name. At first it seemed to be a big deal. My family, friends, etc. were all like that's not tradition. It's been almost 2 years now and everyone has moved on. I think you should do whatever you and your spouse thinks works best.

Where I'm from women keep their last name but I had a hard time deciding what I wanted. I love my last name but It's such a pain spelling it out for people, and I love my FH last name. I thought about it for months and still felt rushed to decide lol so I decided to keep my last name and If I wanted to change it I would do it after the wedding when I'm not stressed and when it feels right.