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Mrsnonewname
VIP April 2021

Breaking the Norm

Mrsnonewname, on September 1, 2020 at 7:17 AM Posted in Married Life 0 45
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I see several posts on here where last name change processes are discussed.
Are there any women here who are NOT taking their partner's name, or any men who are taking their partner's name?

I'm keeping my last name and it seems to be rare. Lol.

45 Comments

Latest activity by Marcia, on September 8, 2020 at 1:41 PM
  • Margaret
    Rockstar October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag

    I have dual citizenship, so I'm in a little different arena. I've opted to change my name in the US, but keep my maiden name in Europe. I consider it the best of both worlds.

    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    I have decided to keep my last name. Initially, I just assumed I would take my FH‘s last name. But, once I actually got engaged and began planning a wedding, I realized I really like my own last name. It is a tie to my family. For me, changing my last name felt like abandoning my own family in favor of his. And hearing Mrs plus his last name just makes me think of his mother lol
    • Reply
  • Emma
    Super October 2020
    Emma ·
    • Flag
    Keeping your name isn’t as rare as you think it is. I know plenty of people that keep their name/hyphenate their name. I’m taking FHs name just because I want to 😂
    • Reply
  • L
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    I'm keeping my name! I thought it was rare too until I found these forums.
    • Reply
  • Marisa
    Rockstar May 2021
    Marisa ·
    • Flag

    I’m keeping my name, at least for the meantime. I may end up hyphenating it but I’m still unsure and I’m not about to try to change it through the mail.

    • Reply
  • Mrsnonewname
    VIP April 2021
    Mrsnonewname Online ·
    • Flag
    Okay, I did a little research and apparantly only 20 percent of women keep their last name. So, this may not be "rare," but it's definitely not the norm. The changing name tradition comes from old english law. Under coverture, women were considered the legal property of men. Ownership of a woman was transferred from her father to her husband after marriage, and her last name was changed from her father’s to her husband’s.
    https://www.google.com/amp/s/observer-reporter.com/news/localnews/whats-in-a-name-more-women-keeping-maiden-names-after-marriage/article_10036908-173e-11e8-be34-9b8a2ac73f79.amp.html

    • Reply
  • C
    VIP January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    My husband and I both changed our last name.
    I was changing mine to his regardless. But, he hated his last name (his mother’s maiden name). I gave him the option if he wanted to keep it or change it and would do what ever he wanted it. He changed it to his parents married name.
    Having the same name was important to both of us making us more of a family unit /United (in our eyes) . And I definitely want to have the same name as any future kids. I did get emotional at the SS office when I went to sign the paper. That was the only time I second guessed my choice
    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Expert December 2021
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    Kept my name. Told hubby long before we were engaged that I wasn't changing it. I love it, and as a doctor it is FAR too complicated to change it (and VERY expensive). Often you lose patients if you change your name completely because they don't know who you are, and if you hyphenate they still call you by your maiden name they already knew you by anyway and it costs thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours in paperwork. NOT WORTH IT.

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  • Mrsnonewname
    VIP April 2021
    Mrsnonewname Online ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I feel ya, girl. Logic over societal pressures.
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Rockstar September 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
    I initially wanted to keep my last name, even though no one can ever pronounce it, but FH and I have children and I want to have the same last name as my children.

    We also discussed both changing our names to something different. We have friends who have made up a new last name when they got married- one by melding together his and his husband’s last names, the other the couple just came up with something unique that they liked.
    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Expert December 2021
    Alyssa ·
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    Plus....I'm lazy...

    tenor.gif


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  • Mrsnonewname
    VIP April 2021
    Mrsnonewname Online ·
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    That makes sense! A woman can have the same last name as her children even when she doesn't take her husband's last name. Kate Winslet and Teresa Palmer did this. I have a different perspective because my parents got divorced after 30 yrs of marriage. I was devastated and never saw it coming. My mom claims she didn't see it coming either. Plus, I used to work in the k-12 education and I would say over 50 percent of students (in that school district) have a different last name than their mother. My FH and I plan to hyphenate any future kids' names. One last name from him and one last name from me. The Spanish speaking countries follow this practice which originated to prevent incest.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Expert May 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    I will be keeping mine. Screw tradition lol. I just wouldn’t feel right with his last name. My name is my name, and it is part of who I am. Also the reasons we used to take our husbands names, is mostly outdated now......in my opinion. We are also not having a family. If we were having kids, I would considered having the last names match.

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  • Mrsnonewname
    VIP April 2021
    Mrsnonewname Online ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thanks for sharing Michelle!
    • Reply
  • Day
    Dedicated July 2022
    Day ·
    • Flag
    A bit complicated but I finally figured out what I want to do. I don’t have a middle name, so I’m thinking that I will change my two last names to my middle name. My fiancé has no connection to her father’s last name, so she will be taking on her mother’s (I’ll be taking it on as well).
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Rockstar September 2020
    Jessica ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    We did discuss that as an option with our first, but we also both have family middle names we wanted to give our son so his name would be SO long! Lol! Both of our last names are 8 letters, so hyphenation seemed like way too much to us. It’s definitely a good option for a lot of people and it’s good you have discussed and agreed on it in advance.


    My aunt and uncle (who my mom and I lived with for many years when I was a kid) got divorced a couple years ago after 28 years and it was a major shock to our family- I definitely understand.
    • Reply
  • E
    Devoted August 2020
    Elle ·
    • Flag

    I'm hyphenating. My last name is too cool to completely drop, but I still love my husband, so I'm adding his name. He is an addition to my life, so he will be an addition to my name.

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I kept my last name
    • Reply
  • Annajoy
    Expert August 2020
    Annajoy ·
    • Flag

    There are a plethora of women who in my life who did not change their last name for a variety of different reasons. I myself am relatively ambivalent towards it and I probably wouldn't change it if my husband weren't so adamant about it (it's just such a hassle).

    From what I've heard, it is a lot harder for a man to change his last name because in the past it's been done to avoid debt and legal troubles, so there's a huge process to it.

    In terms of the independence argument (I'm not saying that's your reasoning, it's just one that I've heard a lot) someone pointed out to me that regardless of whether you change your name or not, you're still (in most cases) being associated with a man - it's just a matter of whether that man is your father or your husband. I like my family a lot more than I like his, so, for me, the hardest thing about changing my name is how it ties me to his family. I've had to actively work on switching my thought process from "it identifies me with his family" to "it identifies my husband and I together as a unit, and with this last name we will one day start our own family".

    Perhaps I have thought way too much about this, but to me it was a really hard thing to process and make a decision about. But I always knew that I had the right to make my own decision (although I know I would have had to fight my husband on it if I chose to keep my last name).

    Do what is best for you! And if you change your mind down the road, you can always change it later.

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  • S
    Savvy November 2021
    Sara ·
    • Flag

    I will be keeping my name!

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