Hi everyone,
I've been with my fiance for 2.5 years. We fell in love fast and moved in within 6 months of knowing each other. On our 1 year anniversary he proposed and we were so happy. Fast forward to now and we're supposed to be getting married June 15 of this year. I am considering breaking off the engagement and possibly the relationship. I need advice on what to do.
Here's some of the details:
- He's been getting his master's degree since before we began dating and he won't be done until after our wedding date. I'm always on the back burner and never the first priority as his schooling is always more important than me. The farther he gets into the program the more difficult it is for him and more time consuming it becomes. I understand school is important but so if your future marriage and wife.
- Ever since we moved in together our intimacy has slowly been getting worse and worse. He does not masturbate himself ever and is not interested in many of the other typical things guys are into during sex. TMI but for the last 8 months or so when we do it (maybe once a month if I'm lucky) he hasn't came. At all. He went to the doctor (after I begged him) to see if it's Low T but the doctor told him to exercise. He's been working out more but nothing's been changing. I know all of his previous exes cheated on him and now I'm starting to understand why. I've asked him what I can do to change or appeal to him more and he tells me I'm perfect the way I am but I highly doubt that.
- He started a new career (making less money) about 6 months ago and since then he's been on the third shift where we only see each other Sunday all day and Monday evenings since I'm a school teacher. Our schedules don't work and we don't even sleep in the same bed except on those two nights.
- Ever since we began planning our wedding he wants nothing to do with it. He hasn't asked anyone to stand up with him and he hasn't looked at what he wants to wear. My parents are concerned they'll need to take out a loan to pay for our wedding because he hasn't really spoke to his parents about what they're contributing. I have brought up postponing the wedding but he thought that was "absolutely ridiculous." Why go through with the proposal and be so excited to now not wanting anything to do with it?
- I'm incredibly unhappy and every time I try to bring up how I'm feeling (non-threatening, using "I" statements) it seems it goes in one ear and right out of the other. This has happened so many times I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. I don't know how to get through to him or how to get him to open up. If he doesn't want to open up he won't and I know he bottles everything inside. I don't know what I can do to get him to understand how important this is and I'm concerned that he doesn't notice the problems or care to fix them.
- I brought up seeking relationship counseling and the first thing back was "Doesn't that cost money?" It felt like such a slap in the face. My wedding dress is supposed to be here this week and i'm not even excited about it anymore. I feel guilty because a few grand has already been spent on wedding stuff but my happiness is more important. I've been thinking of staying with my parents for a week just to see if that lights a fire under his ass at all.
What do I do? Has anyone been in a similar pickle?
Thank you all very much!
