BM & MOH Duties/Roles

I was just talking to someone about this. It's totally a "social circle" thing. How my social circle handles weddings is totally different than how FH's does. I think it's all a know your crowd kind of thing.

I've always let my brides know from the beginning "I can do A, B, and C...but I can/will not do X, Y, and Z. If that's cool I would be happy to be your bridesmaid...if not then I understand." Just don't want any dashed hopes afterwards.

That makes sense @MissGtoMrsG

I wanted to thank all of you for all of your advice, opinions and blessings!

See, I definitely don't feel like this is at all a "where you're from" kind of thing. I think if you're lucky enough to have good enough friends, then they jump to do those things regardless of expectations. They do it because they love you and want to make the process of your wedding as special as possible. I've been a MOH, and I've never felt like I had an obligation or that my friends had any kind of expectation of me. I WANTED to throw the engagement party, the shower, the bachelorette. I wanted to write the deepest heartfelt speech I could, because I wanted my friends to know how important they were to me, and how much I support their happiness. I WANTED to pay for my make-up, because I wanted them to love all of their wedding pictures. Everything I've ever done for a brides wedding I've been in is because I love the people who are in my life and cherish me enough to share in that special moment. And anything that I didn't do or host was never held against me or as a judgment because they my friends are good enough friends to just be happy to have me share in a day with them. I really hope that for your sake you're a good enough friend to your BM's that you would NEVER have any expectations of your friends. If you have already made them feel as if you do have expectations, I suggest that you apologize and clear that up before you hurt someone's feelings or try to suck them dry of money and energy.

From my experiences with cousins and friends: bridesmaids and MoH planned the bachelorette party, family (Mom or aunt etc) plan the bridal shower. I have also been a bridesmaid where a BS wasn't had. She didn't even register because she preferred money over physical gifts so just left it at that.

I've hosted bridal showers and not been in the wedding party, I'm hosting a friend's bachelorette and I'm not in the wedding party. I just like organising parties for friends.

More commenters not reading post or OP's comments

I totally agree that they don't have any duties and only need to show up in dress. In my case by MOH is my friend of 18 years and BMs are my 2 Daughters and FHs daughter. They are right in the middle of everything and wanna be part of everything. LOL especially if it has to do with the food.

@Taylor, please read the post Entirely and my comments before responding to the post.

@ohheyitscait they read with the intent to respond and prove their point rather then read thoroughly and understand what is being asked but hey what can you do

You have 4 stars you hopefully know by now this is a Hot button topic. I think you just wanted a discussion that was trending.

@SpacePrincess Don't think too hard, I could have 1 star and still ask the same question, I ask things I would like help on, it has nothing to do with trending. But hey, thanks for your input!

I don't think the bridal party, ultimately has any obligations other than to buy the dress and the bride shouldn't have other expectations. HOWEVER, it's very hypocritical to say your BP should consist of your nearest and dearest but it's normal for them not to do anything or even want to do anything, until the day of... what? I do things for my friends when they're not engaged!

Your BP should consist of your closest ladies. Now, idk about the rest of you, but I ENJOY doing activities for and with my closest ladies.

When my friends get engaged, I'm excited for them! I'm happy to help, I want to help. I want them to have the bridal shower experience, I want them to have the bachelorette party experience. I want this for them. I it for them and I'll do whatever I can, to make it happen. Be it contribute financially or planning or both.

Now, of course, people have lives and different circumstances and you only get one day. It shouldn't be expected that they attend all pre-wedding things or spend away their life's savings. But I'm not sure how close you are to your bridesmaids if they're not even the least bit excited for you, so much so, that they only show up on the day of the wedding?

If that's how I feel about a person who is asking me to be a bridesmaid, then I'd politely decline. On the other hand, I've done these things for friends who I have not asked me to be their bridesmaid.

When a (close) friend is up for a promotion, I like to ask them about work. When they get it, I want to take them out for a drink, to celebrate, I'm excited for them!

When a (close) friend gets engaged, I want to ask about wedding planning and celebrate with them even before the wedding.

It doesn't come with the "bridesmaid" title, it comes with the friendship. If you pick your friends and by default, your bridesmaids, right, then I don't see how this is even a topic of discussion.