bm and Moh duties

I don’t think the “duties” are required. I actually hate the traditional “duties” that my girls are doing. I hate being the center of attention so I’m actually nervous about my shower tomorrow despite it being my family & friends. All I want them to do is get the dress and stand with me. I don’t care what else they do. I recommend that you discuss your expectations with your girls and get their feelings on it.

I personally don't see a point to just showing up in a bridesmaids dress and standing in a ceremony. I believe that the bridal party should take part in the shower and bachelorette as well as get ready with the bride the day of. When someone is asked to be in a bridal party, they are essentially a VIP for the wedding - bachelorettes and showers are "exclusive" events and getting ready is being "behind the scenes." Granted, these events should be budget friendly for all involved. On the other hand, I don't think MOH/bridesmaids should be free wedding planners - being a bridesmaid isn't a job. So I don't agree with them doing DIY crafts for the wedding, addressing invites, attending vendor appointments, bringing food to get ready, etc. I think those things take the honor out of being in a bridal party.

Ultimately, as others have mentioned, it's a know your circle kind of thing. Most women I know are VERY excited to be part of a bachelorette, they consider that to be an honor to get to participate in something fun that only a select few get to go to. I personally feel the same way. But someone else might have a friend group that doesn't value things like that, in which case just standing in a ceremony might be enough.

I think the difference is using the word expect. You can't expect anyone to do anything but show up. You can hope that the person you pick will want to help, but no you can't expect anything.

My MOH is my sister and she is amazing. She is my person to begin with, but she truly wants to help. I don't pick DIYs though with the expectation that I will have help in executing it

I had no expectations of my friends when I asked them to be in my wedding. My MOH immediately volunteered to help me with planning and I'm taking her up on her offer, but aside from coming dress shopping with me I'm not asking my bridal party to do anything major.

I agree with you. there are responsibilities and expectations that come along with being a MOH/BM. i was my sisters MOH and a BM at my friends wedding. i wore the color they wanted me to wear, i wore the dress they wanted, i got the color shoes, hair and nails done that they wanted. planed bridal showers and bachelorette parties, and helped with wedding plans when asked. no complaining, no scoffing, no issues.

the people who you ask to be in your bridal party should be your closest friends/family, so they should be supporting you. not adding to the stress.

I think it depends on the people honestly. To me it wasn’t super important that my bridal party be very involved beyond just being there the day before and the day of the wedding. My MOH was my “bounce ideas off of” person which was great, but I really didn’t even talk about the wedding that much with my bridesmaids, but I didn’t need to because my MOH was always so excited about it with me that I’d always just go to her for that 😂

Different people have different expectations, that’s true, so I agree it’s not correct to say “the only expectation ever of a MOH should be to buy a dress and show up” but for SOME PEOPLE that really is all they want or expect from their bridal party! But if they want more from them, I also think that’s ok..... the most important thing I think is just that the bride is upfront from the beginning about what she expects from her bridal party ( in terms of both time and money), and gives them the option to say “no” if it seems like too much for them. The worst is when a bride sets low expectations to the bridal party to begin with and then later on ends up expecting them to do tons of stuff they weren’t made aware of when they agreed to be MOH, and then blames them for being a bad MOH if they can’t do those things. Or when she acts like being a MOH or bridesmaid is a job that one can be fired from.