Blessing/Grace at the wedding

I am going to have to tread lightly in this area too because my FH is Russian orthodox and my family is Lutheran. We have very different ways of blessing a meal so I'm not sure yet how we'll incorporate both. For you since your FH isn't comfortable with ANY blessing I would go with your officiant or someone else "welcoming" everyone to the dinner. He/she can thank the guests for celebrating with the happy couple, thank the people who prepared and will serve the food and wish nothing but happiness to all in attendance. Keep it non-denominational and don't say anything like "let us bow our heads"... people can take it as a blessing or a welcome depending on what they're comfortable with.

I've definitely been to a Jewish-Christian wedding with a blessing over the food done in Hebrew and English. I'm not sure if that's a proper Jewish tradition, but I'm sure someone else here knows. Why is FH so against it? If it's important to you (not just your mom), then you should talk with him and try to find a compromise. It sounds like you've done it with your ceremony, so perhaps there's a way to compromise on this too!

This is really touchy. I hope you guys have discussed how faith/religion will be in your marriage and for your family (if you will have kids)

@Pia - FH and I are completely on the same page about both being happy without - and how we're going to spend our life religion wise and if we have children how we plan to raise them.

We were able to please both sides of our family with the ceremony, and we're able to please both sides of our family with how we spend and split up holidays - this is the first real road block we're hitting.

My parents are generously paying for the majority of the wedding, so honoring mom's wishes are important - however we're also paying, and FH's family is also paying - so the "whoever pays gets a say" rule doesn't save us much headache.

I agree with having the officiant or maybe an honored guest welcoming friends and family in celebration of the marriage. It won't be a "blessing" per se, but it could be enough to respect your mom and your FH.

I asked my mom if she wanted to pray - and she said no. So then I asked if dad wanted to welcome everyone, and bless the meal - and she said no.

So, I've asked my sister to call me when she's out of work and see if she will be willing to welcome and do a blessing of sorts (@Caitlin) as the start to her toast.

@Nikki - I'm much more likely to want to skip something that could offend or make someone feel left out than want to include it and hurt someone important to us. FH came from Russia where it was all but illegal to be Jewish - so they're very sensitive to slights and hard feelings towards religion, and I would hate to cause him or his family any pain or hard feelings.

Linds G. That's all that matters really.

Maybe a small grace on the bottom the menu cards.

My husband and I experienced similar issues with my mom. We are Catholic and when we found out that we weren't gonna have a church wedding, she kept trying to find ways to incorporate church into our wedding. She asked is one of the priests from our parish can "bless" us (a request which we declined). Maybe you guys can privately get blessed just you two on a separate day/thing.

It has nothing to do when FH and I having more church in the wedding - the ceremony is fine. I think she's worried what her church friends/Christian friends will think if we don't have grace said prior to the meal. It's so typical and traditional to have a prayer said at weddings we go to prior to eating - I'm sure she's convinced they would notice and be offended.

My sister is going to work with me to figure out a way we can please our mother, without offending anyone else. Thanks.

I think it's pretty easy to include IF you want to. Here are three that we use.

Welcome to each of you, cherished guests !

We come together in community at this shared meal.

We call to mind the seed awakening in the earth,

the kiss of rain and the surge of sun that have given us this bounty.

We remember the work of all who have prepared it for us on this day of celebration.

We imagine the many, many shared meals to come for this couple, Lisa and Ginny , united today in marriage!

May all the forces of the universe (and/or God)

And all the spirits of those who have come before us

Infuse Lisa and Ginny with joy,

And strengthen the loving bonds between each and every one of us,

Amen!

Bless these gifts before us, most gracious and loving God,

From whom all goodness springs!

Let our hearts be happy and our souls rejoice!

To love is a choice, and to choose it is to move to our most perfect happiness!

May this meal, shared by those we love, supply us with the energy and the will to extend our love to all of those around us.

Amen!

Today is the day that the Lord has made; the day our daughters celebrate their love for each other and for all of you! Let us come together over this meal as we will come together many, many times in the future; to rejoice in happiness; to comfort in sorrow; to share the moments that God gives us with appreciation and gratitude!

Amen

Blessed are you Lord, and Blessed are we to know your love.

You have fed us from our earliest days;

You give food to every living creature.

You fill our hearts with joy and delight each day.

I just totally realized we completely forgot about doing one. Uh oh!

Hi Linds. This is something you and your FH discuss and agree upon. Unite and stay strong. I have seen one too many prayers go in a direction not intended by the couple and it was clearly a power statement made by the person saying grace.

This is your decision as a couple. Should you decide not to have grace said, then upon your arrival, have the DJ ask everyone to be seated and immediately have the food brought out/head table dismissed for the buffet.

One of my mother's good friends is a pastor - and I can see exactly what you're talking about @Kathleen happening!

She has very Jesus, oh heavenly father, raise a christian family weddings and prayers. I know she's someone I would worry would go a direction we wouldn't intend at all - and would most certainly offend FH and I and the way we plan to raise a family, and his family.

I guess when FH gets back from work next week, we'll readdress it together and determine how firm we plan to stand united, and if there are any concessions we would like to make.

Hi! Another (sort of) interfaith couple. I was raised Jewish, FH Christian, but neither of us are religious or plan to incorporate religion into the wedding. I don't know if it would help with your FH being comfortable, but maybe you can suggest doing the traditional prayer over the wine and challah in addition to saying grace? That way both sides are covered...

I would err on the side of not offending half of your wedding guests (and your FH) and skip the blessing.