Black Tie Wedding

View Quoted Comment Me either!!! I don’t get too pressed about certain things. I just want to convey to guests it’s very formal and since a ton of wedding latley have been barn and less formal.

Im not even going to notice what anyone has on that day.

View Quoted Comment

I think your location does that! And it sounds like people are reaching out to you if they have questions. Plus I think your invites read fancy.

View Quoted Comment This is quite a formal invite so i think you are ok!

View Quoted Comment True, but cocktail isn't formal or "black tie optional". If cocktail attire is the vibe that OP is looking for, they're fine, but she seems to be saying she's having a more formal affair than that.

View Quoted Comment I’ve just never been a huge fan of florals and loved the look of Gold manzanita trees with hanging crystals and candles. We have tons of decor and lighting with hundreds of candles lining the top balcony and sequin and embroidered linens.

Im hoping they will come in fancy cocktail or a long dresses and tuxedos and full suit. I know many guests will. I just know some who may not be used to a formal wedding.

View Quoted Comment I think it is more what you see done at black tie events like galas, balls, symphony, ballet, etc. I too couldn't find any specific info. Esp stuff like favors.
My event is def this level of black tie formality. But it is July and for ladies to wear a long dress in the midwest is awful!! I dont even like long formal dresses, to hard to dance in! So I said cocktail and black tie optional for men on my website.

View Quoted Comment Just to let you know, You only put black tie or black tie optional on invites in very small print in lower corner, other dress codes you don't put. I don't know why. Just etiquette I guess!

View Quoted Comment

See, this is part of the problem. Every etiquette rule I've ever learned doesn't have "black tie optional" as a thing, but "Formal Attire" could entirely go where "black tie" would.

View Quoted Comment

Yes this exactly.

Black tie optional isn't a thing, because it's always an option to wear a tux.

View Quoted Comment

The problem with things like "optional" is that it leaves SO much up to chance/interpretation/misinterpretation.

My mother went a wedding recently that was "business formal with a fun twist", what does that even mean?! She got all dressed up in a like, business formal, but kind of goth outfit, and everyone around her was wearing jeans and baseball hats.

View Quoted Comment Correct I mean fancy cocktail dresses would work but with everything going into it definitely want to convey its formal. I’m not fully black tie on all requirements so I’m not requesting that. Even if I had every element I wouldn’t require because it would put a lot of my friends in a position to rent.

However I do want to convey to my guests it will be a very formal affair, sit down dinner, white glove service, full range bar, etc. The venue itself hosts many elaborate affairs and is super fancy. But many people may not know that.

I have no idea if I’m even making sense lol

Yikes! Appreciative of this post just in case I ever get invited to one of these. I would have had no idea. Sounds lovely though!

View Quoted Comment Perfect I’m good with formal attire! I think that indicates it’s still very fancy!

Does that go on an invite or no? Thanks everyone for your help!!

View Quoted Comment Is a dancy shoet dress not considered cocktail?

whats the difference between cocktail and formal? Thanks :-)

View Quoted Comment I’d say on the invite.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I’d throw “formal attire” on the website/info somewhere as more of a heads up than a requirement. I HATE to be underdressed and would feel awkward if I went to a fancy event dressed nicely but not quite formal.

I get the vaguaries of black tie optional, but I don’t mind it.
ive also been to “black tie preferred” events and, for what it’s worth, the last wedding I went to said “black tie welcomed” on the invite (also a made up BS line)— and exactly ONE person in attendance was not wearing a full length gown.


[it was, for all intents and purposes though, a black tie event. Valet service, greeted with champagne and strawberries, coat check, bathroom attendant, an insane multi-station cocktail hour (obvs with passed apps too, but highlights included the sushi station and the vodka/caviar bar). I think it was a 13-piece band they had. Tableside ordering (and steak actually
cooked to order, with follow through!) and the best part....passed desserts including CHURROS with a warm caramel dipping sauce omgggg] Anyway, I tend to think of ‘proper black tie’ as equating to amazing enough service that it’s worth me dropping $200 on a dress for haha

View Quoted Comment I want to be a guest at that wedding!

View Quoted Comment

Black tie optional is not even a thing. FH and I went to a "black tie optional" wedding last year, it was a mess. Women wore everything for leggings, to sundresses, to formal ball gowns. The men were in anything from khakis, to dress trousers, to suits and tuxes. The wedding only met some of the criteria for black tie and not even the ones that I would most expect for me to go buy a fancy dress for.

View Quoted Comment I've put on my FAQ page of our wedding website that we are having a formal morning wedding. I've listed how we expect people to dress. Obviously, no one will be turned away, but if anyone reads our info, it is there. Your wedding sounds beautiful!!

Ive been thinking about this as well. I’ve come to consider that modern black tie isn’t exactly what the forums here say it is. The ladies on the forums are very stringent about things like passed apps, and a band- but how is this actually black tie?

Overall, when you host an event, more formal ones have higher levels of entertainment- so it doesn’t matter if it’s a band or a show or whatnot. When you attend formal galas, they’ll even have exotic puppet shows instead of bands.


Ultimalty- an expectation is that a type of entertainment is provided. The reason DJ’s are not considered black tie is because they are not real entertainment- you can’t watch the skill of the musician as they pluck a string or admire the tenure in a voice with a dj.

passed apps? That does not convey black tie either. Have you been to dinners with table
side service? Or banquet service? There’s no passed apps- that would be odd. Instead the apps are brought to the table or are already on the table.

same with flowers. You can have a black tie event at estates or other outdoor settings. The seating for dinner is expected to be covered, though. Please don’t take the black tie suggestions here to in the forums to heart- think about what the essence is about and where the dress origininated, and take guidance from there. There are many forms of black tie.

yes, alcohol should be available the entire day and evening freely.

in terms of start times and days- ridiculous. Black tie events can happen on any day of the week. Jewish weddings which tend to be very formal, cannot happen from sundown Friday to sundown sat. That means they generally happen on Thursday’s, Sunday’s or fridays before sundown (5pm). As long as the reception starts are 6pm onwards, that’s a clue that the event will be formal.



one Last Note! Generally- not all, but many more women appreciate an opportunity to dress up, it’s more frequently men who aren’t aware of choices or don’t have them that grumble at black tie. Just wear a nice dark suit then