Black Tie Wedding - Opinions please

It sounds like they didn't plan for their crowd. If it's a wedding you don't mind missing, you could always stay home and send a nice gift instead of spending that money on attire for one night.

White Tie is Tuxedo Required. Black Tie is Tuxedo Preferred but Full Suit Required. RSVP no if you cannot attend. But it's their day to setup as they'd like. As rough as it may be.

I agree with above. It's their choice to have black tie, but it's your choice on whether or not you want to go. They chose black tie for a reason.

I agree with you Deb - if most people in their circle aren't used to attending black tie affairs, then it's terribly inconsiderate to require guests to spend money on formal wear such as renting tuxes or purchasing a gown. They may be doing it for a reason, but it may not be a good reason. Some brides here have wanted to put that on their invitation just because they've "always dreamed of a fancy wedding", even though their wedding doesn't actually live up to the high standards of a black tie event!!

I think you should decline the invitation if you aren't comfortable with the cost of attire. Although, I bet most guests won't even show up in black tie if they're not used to it.

And Andixlyn is incorrect - if it just says "Black Tie", then that means a tuxedo, not tuxedo "prefered". White Tie is more formal than Black Tie, but both are still a requirement for a tuxedo.

For my wedding i want people to be dressed up but not black tie but i want no jeans and my bouncer wont let them thru of they wear jeans

I think it's inconsiderate. Maybe clean up the tux and gown afterwards, box them up and give them to the couple as a gift ;-)

Most people who pick 'black tie' don't even know what that means.

I have to tell you, I"m over it. You want to have your friends come and celebrate with you? Then do, but don't give the a dress code. They won't be any more lovable in a tux.

As said previously, black tie doesn't mean tuxedo. I think it is completely fine they want to have a nice, elegant affair. Seriously, every adult should have one evening wear outfit ready to go at anytime anyways.

Chelsea I agree! No jeans at my wedding either!! I agree with both sides here. It is the couple's choice to have a black tie wedding. It is their day. However I also think that they maybe didn't consider their guests as much as they probably should have. Maybe having a very formal wedding was more important than having a large guest count attend. Everyone's priorities while planning their wedding are going to be a little bit different. If this is a wedding you want to attend, I would ask your friend if suits are acceptable. As long as you don't go too over board on the gift, the only big expensive you will have for this wedding is probably your dress. But you might be looking at $200 rather than $400. I personally wouldn't be able to attend the wedding if I was still going to have to spend $200+ to attend, but it all depends on how much you really want to attend, and how much you are okay with spending on their day.

Black Tie absolutely DOES mean tuxedo. Celia, you're right, people don't even know what it means.

Via http://www.blacktieguide.com/Etiquette/Etiquette_Defining_Black_Tie.htm

The Short Answer

Black Tie is a dress code that for men consists of the traditional tuxedo and accompaniments: a black dinner jacket and matching trousers, an optional black formal waistcoat or black cummerbund, a white formal shirt, a black bow tie or alternatively a black long tie, black dress socks and black formal shoes. In hot weather a white dinner jacket may be substituted and the cummerbund is the preferred waist covering.

The Complete Answer

The simplistic summary above may be suitable for a dictionary but in a practical sense it raises more questions than it answers: What qualifies as a "dinner jacket"? A "formal shirt"? "Dress socks"? Therefore, in order to actually assemble a proper black-tie outfit each of its components requires its own definition:

1. jacket

fabric:

· black wool is the norm

· midnight blue is equally correct

model can be:

· single-breasted

· double-breasted

lapels can be:

· peaked lapel

· shawl collar

· notched lapel is most popular but not accepted by

traditionalists

and can have:

· satin facing

· grosgrain facing

no vents is most formal

one button is traditional for single-breasted models but two buttons are becoming acceptable

pockets should not have flaps

2. trousers

same material as jacket

single braid along outside seams to match lapel facings

cut for suspenders (braces in UK)

no cuffs (turnups in UK)

3. waist covering

optional waist covering is traditionally either:

black cummerbund made from silk to match jacket facings;

best suited to shawl collar jacket; not particularly popular in

Europe

black low-cut evening waistcoat; best suited to peaked lapel jacket either is worn with single-breasted jacket models but not with double-breasted

4. shirt

white fabric, turndown collar

fronts can be either pleated or piqué (marcella in UK)

shirt traditionally has eyelets for studs; some authorities allow for fly-fronts

French cuffs (double cuffs in UK)

wing collar is considered unflattering or inappropriate for black tie by most authorities; some allow it but only in its traditional white tie form

5. neckwear

black self-tie silk bow tie to match lapel facings

black silk four-in-hand tie (long tie) has become a popular alternative although it is rejected by traditionalists

6. footwear

black shoes can be:

· patent or highly polished leather oxfords (most popular)

· patent or highly polished leather pumps (most traditional)

7. accessories

harmonizing black, gold or mother-of-pearl studs and cufflinks

suspenders (braces in UK) of black or white silk

optional white silk or linen handkerchief as pocket square

outerwear

chesterfield coat is most conventional but any other dark dressy coat is acceptable; rain (trench) coats are not appropriate

evening dress scarf of white silk with tassels

Warm-Weather Variation

Acceptable as a substitute to standard black tie year round in tropical climates and in summer in North America.

1. jacket

white or preferably ivory

self-faced lapels

all other details as per classic jacket

2. trousers

black

all other details as per standard black-tie trousers

3. waist covering

black cummerbund

4. shirt

as per standard black-tie shirt

5. neckwear

as per standard black-tie neckwear

6. footwear

as per standard black-tie footwear

7. accessories

optional colored silk or linen handkerchief as pocket square

all other details as per standard black-tie accessories

The Code's Variety

Obviously, proper black tie is a far more specific dress code than anything the average man is likely to encounter outside of the military. What may not be so obvious, especially to the novice, is just how much of this seemingly restrictive list is actually optional. Take a second look and you will see that much of black tie’s dress code is not about what you must wear but what you may wear. It is this extent of choice that lies behind black tie’s genius – not to mention its survival in the face of contemporary trends that have virtually banished the far more austere white tie dress code.

So i hope this means no more Cons with tuxes...

And the website continues on to say "Invited guests genuinely unable to meet the expense of buying or even renting a dinner jacket may wear a dark suit and tie instead."

Well I can copy/paste from the internet too:

"The appearance of Black Tie on an invitation indicates unequivocally that the host expects tuxedos to be worn.

There will likely be those few guests who will wrongly interpret Black Tie to simply mean "formal" and arrive in whatever they feel appropriately dressy. A gracious host will excuse the appearance of the uninformed among them, viewing the transgression as a valuable learning experience for these guests.

Wear proper black tie or send your regrets. It’s that simple. Hosts and organizers do not specify this dress code because they want you showing up in a black suit."

--- The Black Tie Guide

Yes and the same exact website we both copied from stated another option for those who can't afford to buy/rent a tux which could be some advice for OP. Offering some help seems better than just saying nope no tux you can't go the end.

Why do I have a feeling this will not even be a real black tie event? There are requirements for that beyond "what guests wear" that involve what the host is offering. I have a strong feeling most of these things are not going to be offered by the host

I understand people want to have a nice wedding, but once you put black tie, that will cut your guest list almost in half. Most people don't have formal wear just lying around waiting to be worn. Teagan and Chelsea, I don't want people wearing jeans, t-shirts, tennis shoes, etc. to our wedding either. That's why we are telling our guests formal wear. I want them to wear their best, but if any of our male guests doesn't have a tuxedo, a dark suit (matching pants and jacket) with a shirt (tie optional. One of our guests is claustrophobic and has a very hard time wearing them) is fine. If a female guest doesn't have a long dress (not a maxi) a black/dark dress is fine.

Jnissa, I was wondering the same thing. The say it's a black tie wedding and have a cash bar and buffet at the reception

Jnissa - agreed, it's unlikely that this wedding will actually meet that level

Vague dress codes such as "formal" or "semi-formal" shoud not be stated on an invitation. Most guests are not dumb and know how to dress for a wedding based on the venue and time it is held. If they dress inappropriately, it reflects badly on them, not the hosts.

I don't understand telling guests what to wear (unless it's black or white tie). I have been to dozens of weddings, most of them in the evening at very nice venues, and have never seen anyone show up in jeans or t-shirts.

I know these people well for over 20 years. If they decide to go with black tie, it's what they will expect. And the venue will be a place that would be black tie appropriate. I suggested to her that the wedding party and fathers wear black tie, but guests could wear suits and cocktail dresses. I don't think it ever crossed her mind that it would be an inconvenience to the guests. Her daughter's reasoning is that she doesn't want anyone showing up in khakis. We are not specifying dress at my daughter's wedding. BMs are in short, GMs are in black tux. We are hoping for no jeans, but are not counting on it, from what I hear about groom's mother's side...haha

I agree that it's their day and their decision. With that said, they should consider what their friends and family members dress like and what their incomes might be like.

In either case, I'm not sure how to word my concern to them. Typically, you don't because it's not your wedding. If this is someone you're close to and would really like to attend, mention that you really want to make it but cannot afford to buy an evening gown. Ask if a cocktail dress is ok? Maybe they don't know what black tie means (like others have said).