Black Tie Optional wedding

I hate that term, "black tie optional" - I think it's supposed to convey like "formal formal formal, but if you don't have actual black tie, don't go out and buy it, just dress as nicely as possible" but it translates to: people are going to wear whatever they want and the people who wore actual black tie are going to feel like overdressed peacocks.

Bleh. I hate that term. It literally means just that - black tie optional.

We went to one a few months ago and I think ONE guy was in a tux. Neither the groom nor GMs were in tuxes. About 50% of women were wearing floor length dresses (only MOB was in a true gown) and the other 50% wore cocktail dresses.

I was worried that we would be under dressed because FH won't rent a tux, fine by me. Just kind of worried we would look foolish. I am thinking of looking in consignment shops to find a dress that would be appropriate.

ETA: I feel like this is one of those things that should either be black tie... or not. No half way. It's very frustrating.

There are VERY strict guidelines that must be followed to have a true black tie event. Top shelf bar, white gloved passed appetizers, live band, calligraphy invitations, Table side ordering food, valet parking, etc. If they don't have all of those elements, then it is not a black tie optional wedding and just wear what you are comfortable in.

Its always an option to wear a tux to a formal event, so I hate "black tie optional" on invites.

You will be fine in a fancier cocktail dress with dressy heels and sparkly jewelry.

He can wear a dark suit, white shirt and dark, solid color tie.

Black tie optional is a made up term. Just wear a formal dress and FH a dark suit and tie. Voila, you fit a non-existent dress code.

Have FI go in suit if he has one, if not, slacks, button up and sports jacket. If you have a cocktail dress that's accessorized heavily and heels, that should be just perfect.

I wouldn't go with a sun dress unless it was very very structured.

@Kaitlyn I was asking FH if they were going to have the things that make it a black tie event and the answer I got was, "I'm sure it will be a good party". Lol I'm very doubtful that it will be true black tie.

@Mrs. Fall Bride at least I'm not alone then if no one really knows. I guess that just means we won't be the only ones not sure how to dress for this.

It's not a thing. Weddings are either black tie or not black tie. I would wear a nice cocktail dress and pretty heels.

@Kaitlyn- Are guests supposed to call the bride and groom and ask if they are doing all of that? You really don't know until you get there. I have been to "black tie" weddings where the woman were all in evening gowns. I wore a long beaded strapless dress that the bride saw beforehand and loved. A lot of the men were in tuxes but sone opted for a nice black suit. Then they had a DJ, buffet, and a bunch of other things not deemed black tie. How would anyone have known before picking their attire?

@Shauna- I would check out the venue and talk to people you know who are going or even the bride to see what people plan on wearing. To me black tie optional would be pretty formal.

I think it is smart to go black tie if it says optional. Like Jess said the dress needs to be formal it can either be full length or at the knee. Black tie at a country club usually means the full length dress.

Is this the whole list? "Top shelf bar, white gloved passed appetizers, live band, calligraphy invitations, Table side ordering food, valet parking"

All I'm thinking right now is goddamn, I should have spent more money on my invitations. I have all of these other things.

@JessicaB- That's the hope but I'm sure there are tons of weddings that aren't following all of the guidelines listed as black tie requirements. I'm just saying you don't know until you get there. It's best to follow what's on the invite. Or check out the venue. Last wedding I went to was the one I posted about. They wanted formal attire but then got married in a field and had porta potties. I think venue can help a lot with attire decisions.

Keep in mind OP, the operative word here is "optional"

@Jessica-As soon as I see optional on something, I know it's made up. I've been to Black Tie Events, it certainly didn't say "optional" on the engraved invites.

@Jenny I think the event has to start after 6 p.m. as well.

@Richard is 100% correct. It's either black tie or it isn't. Someone who desired a truly black tie event would NEVER add "optional." Think about it-you are going to have some women in sundresses and some in long, formal gowns? This sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. When in doubt, I say it is better to overdress!

GODDAMN IT. My event starts at 6:30 LOL, awkward unintentional black tie.

I guess I should go figure out what "calligraphy invitations" are - is that like, hiring a calligrapher to do invitations by hand?

@Christy these are people FH has been friends with since college. I have only met them once. The wedding starts at 5 p.m. and is at a country club. Looks like a typical banquet hall to me. That's about all I know from their website. FH lost the invitation and I never saw it.

Wow, that's fascinating to me. Do you at all have a picture? I've never seen or heard of this. I thought letterpress was pretty fancy, but this sounds really awesome and even better.

All of it is way better than my $5 invitations from vistaprint (whoops).

Come to think of it, I do remember the lady at my venue mentioning "white glove" over and over like I was supposed to react some sort of way and I kept thinking "why do I care what color gloves they are wearing?"