Big Party vs. Small Intimate Ceremony

Lucky you to have such generous parents and future in-laws!

A party lasts a few hours; a house is a long-term investment. Getting rid of debt is a gift that will help you immensely starting out and going forward.

Have you always dreamed of a big wedding? Will you enjoy having 250 people there? Better yet, would you enjoy a smaller wedding? If it were me, I would go for the smaller wedding and bank the rest of the money. However, I would not feel like I was skimping on my wedding because I never envisioned a huge event and never wanted one.

Well what do you and FH want? You two will have to decide this for yourselves. Yes, you can save some money by having a small celebration, or you can go all out and have a great party.

FH and I are doing a large party, about 250-300 guests. I would LOVE to elope but I would feel horrible about doing it. And having a small celebration in my family just isn't possible

Thanks, Ladies. Yes, FH and I each have very large families. The alternative we've been debating over is having our wedding still at the church as planned, but instead of having a big banquet hall party with all the bells and whistles, we were thinking about having a party at my parents' house (since it has the room to accomodate #'s) after the church and just doing something catered where we can mingle.

I guess I've always envisioned a large, fun formal wedding, but now my logical side is speaking up.

FH and I have talked about both and he has basically said he just cares about the fact that we are getting married and not about anything else.

I feel the same way, but am torn on what to do.

Another way to look at it is what you can do with a particular amount of money. So say you want to keep 60% of what your parents give you. What exactly can you do with the other 40%? Does that pay for a fancy wedding with 50 guests, or...? It's just another way to think about the problem. But in general I agree with J&R

My wedding was relatively small we had about 80 ppl but it was the perfect size for us I do wish I could have had everyone I know there but he has a very small family and I already took over 3/4 of the guest list so I would have felt bad inviting more of my family and friends. My BFF had the huge 30K wedding, she is now divorced and planning her second wedding which will be much more modest. She said she regrets spending everything she did on the first wedding because she didn't know half the guest personally, she didn't really get to enjoy everything that she insisted be there and at the end of the day would not have missed the elaborate centerpieces or professional lighting that wasn't noticed by anyone including herself. I think if you imagine looking back on your wedding in 5-10 years and imagine what you want to remember it being , it might help you decide what it is you truly want.

You have to do what is best for you. As others have mentioned, a wedding is one day, a house is a lifetime. However, if you have dreamed of a big wedding, than have one and enjoy.

What type of gifts do your guests usually give? My reason for asking is that it is customary where I come from for guests to give cash as a wedding gift. The goal of that money is usually for the house fund, or whatever else the couple feels is a priority. If your family is the same, you get to have both.

Wow, I appreciate all of the input.

As for the gifts, it really varies. We would still have the bridal shower so gifts would include what we register for and $. However, at the wedding, my family gives money. I would assume his family does the same.

The FH and I have plans to talk tonight. I really do appreciate the different ways to look at this.

You are very lucky to have such big help that would give you the choice between having a big wedding or having a small one and using the left over money for something else.

With that being said, If it was me, I'd say have a smaller wedding and use that extra money for a down payment or to pay off debt. Like others have said, a wedding is only for a day while a house can be for a lifetime. You get the best of both! Someone commented above that you can save some money by having a smaller wedding or you can go all out and have a great party. I just wanted to say that you can still go all out and have a great wedding on a smaller budget. The size of the wedding (small or large) does not determine how much (or how less) of a blast you and your guests will have.

All the brides on here have different budgets AND many are having or had smaller weddings and theirs were/are going to be very memorable and beautiful and everyone had/will have a blast and etc,

My wedding was what is called intimate - 30 guests. But then, I really had thought I would never marry, so I never really envisioned the big wedding. Our very small wedding was perfect for us.

I think if a couple wants a big wedding, and "settles" for something small, there would be regrets. However, if a couple is happy with a smaller event, then that's what they are happy with. It's a day you will always remember. Do what you and your FH will feel will make you happy and not "settle."

And CONGRATS!

I agree Michele. Don't settle because you will regret it down the road.

I had the big wedding (but with 130) and was glad for it-it was what I always wanted, and thankfully my fiance felt the same.

You can only answer for yourself. I think it may have to do with your finances and jobs. If you have decent jobs and have a plan for and the ability to pay off the debt and one day have a house, then why not go for a wedding? however, if you are really struggling and see no foreseeable future in your financial situation, then saving the money might be the way to go.

Right now I am planning a small ceremony/dinner and a large party to follow. Keep in mind that a lot of the cost comes from serving everyone dinner, and the party is what many of your (younger) guests will look forward to anyway.

Have you been to really big weddings? What do you remember about them?

One of the reasons I never wanted a big wedding is b/c I have been to a # of them. The B&G always seemed hurried to at least say hello to everyone at least once, which took all night. Except for the first dance and the garter toss, they barely got to dance, let alone eat. IMO - and this is just me - a big wedding is for your guests. Some people love throwing that kind of party, and there's nothing wrong with that. For me, I wanted to be able to enjoy the evening. So we'll have about 25 people at a DW, and then somewhere between 150-200 at a post-wedding afternoon celebration about a month after we get back. Cuts the costs and ensures we'll enjoy both!

That said...you should not feel like you are giving up your dream of a big wedding if that is your dream. You and FH need to figure out whether you would be happy with something smaller.

Well, FH and I talked at length last night and we've decided to get the best of everything. We will do a church ceremony followed by a small cocktails and heavy hors d'oeuvres at my parents' golfclub. We would only have about 60-80(max) there. The following day, we would do a brunch from 10-2 at my parents for the bridal party/out of town guests, and then all of our family and friends in Illinois. Then maybe a week or so later, we would go to Indiana where his family is from and do a gathering with just his side and friends from Indy. This way, we still keep the budget low and get to include everyone we would want so no one feels left out.

We would then have the opportunity to mingle and be attentive to all of our guests and not feel as J&R mentioned with being rushed, etc.

All of the input has been very much appreciated. It also has been great to hear what you've done/experienced at weddings as well.

Date Twin yay!

That is good you talked it out with your FH =) That is great to include both sides of the family. Did you talk to both sets of parents about it? I just hope they Indiana side doesn't feel a little upset that you are seeing them "last".