Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Savvy May 2014

Best Way to politely decline being a Bridesmaid

Amanda, on January 2, 2015 at 11:57 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14

Saved

Flag
Hide content

My sister in law is recently engaged. I'm very happy for her and cannot wait to celebrate...but I do not want to be a bridesmaid. We were in a wedding togther (for her twin, my other SIL) and it was a nightmare. I also had both of them in my wedding a few months back because it was important to my husband that our siblings were included... It was a nightmare again. They both wore white to the wedding - which I specifically asked them to wear silver...among a dozen other things to show they didn't care or want to be involved.

I love my Sister in law very much...but being in a wedding with them (her sister is the MOH) is something I want to avoid at all costs. The drama is not worth it. We also disagree with each other on our religious beliefs and she is CONSTANTLY bringing it to attention and making a focal point in our relationship.

I want her to have a great experience and help with what I can, but i do NOT want to be a bridesmaid. How do I say no gently when she asks?

Flag
Hide content

14 Comments

Latest activity by NotAllWhoWanderAreLost, on January 2, 2015 at 1:21 PM

VIP December 2016
❤Skittles❤ · on January 2, 2015 at 11:58 AM
Flag

Hide content
Just say you don't feel comfortable standing in front of large group of peopl.
- Reply
Master January 2015
Janeen · on January 2, 2015 at 12:00 PM
Flag

Hide content
"I'm sorry, I have a lot on my plate right now and it's unfair to you. I won't be able to devote the time and money that you deserve."
- Reply
Master September 2015
MrsPope · on January 2, 2015 at 12:03 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with @ Janeen. Clean and simple!
- Reply
Super May 2014
windinyourhair · on January 2, 2015 at 12:09 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with Janeen. just tell her that you have a lot going on and you can't commit to dedicating the time, etc that she deserves to plan her wedding.
- Reply
Master September 2015
Elyse · on January 2, 2015 at 12:14 PM
Flag

Hide content
Just something to think about - she is going to be in your life for awhile. How do you think she will feel about you declining the invite after you were in the wedding for her twin? It may not be the popular opinion but personally I would probably suck up the drama for this short time than have a lifetime of dealing with any repercussions of your decision to not be in it.
- Reply
Master March 2015
jewles322 · on January 2, 2015 at 12:16 PM
Flag

Hide content
Janeen said it! Keep it simple and drama free, make it about you not her.
- Reply
Super April 2015
Mamma knows best · on January 2, 2015 at 12:23 PM
Flag

Hide content
@Janeen and Elyse, I see both points of view, I'm on the fence with this one. All I can say is follow your heart. Good luck.
- Reply
Master September 2014
Snarky · on January 2, 2015 at 12:25 PM
Flag

Hide content
What Janeen said.
- Reply
Expert January 2015
Mallori · on January 2, 2015 at 12:44 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would probably try to suck it up for family. If you decide that you absolutely need to decline, I would do as Janeen said.
- Reply
Master September 2015
Elyse · on January 2, 2015 at 12:49 PM
Flag

Hide content
I should add, that I didn't really answer the question, but my point was that the denial itself will probably sting no matter how it is delivered. Good luck!
- Reply
Master September 2014
Snarky · on January 2, 2015 at 1:10 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with Elyse also. We chose not to have our toddler nieces & nephews attend the wedding and have been hearing about it non-stop for a year now. >.> Consider if this will damage your relationship with your SIL.
- Reply
Expert October 2015
Ashleigh · on January 2, 2015 at 1:11 PM
Flag

Hide content
That's a tough situation. What Janeen said is clear, to the point, and polite, but Elyse makes a fair point. It will be seen (in the best case scenario) as odd considering you were in her twin's wedding and worst case, it might cause even more drama and have long lasting repercussions. What does your husband say about it? He might be helpful in navigating this situation.
- Reply
Master April 2016
Ostrich · on January 2, 2015 at 1:13 PM
Flag

Hide content
Also- did your SIL pay for the pre-events? bachelorette/shower/etc? If so, you may need to suck it up and be a bridesmaid in order to avoid more drama
- Reply

Master August 2015
NotAllWhoWanderAreLost · on January 2, 2015 at 1:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
If you think a simple approach wouldn't work. Maybe you could offer to help in some other way to help ease the situation. Maybe you can say something to the effect of what Janeen said and then add, but I would love to help you with x for the wedding, Offer to make her veil maybe or organize something minor.
- Reply