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fallinlove1014
Beginner October 2018

Best Man's Girlfriend - is she family?

fallinlove1014, on September 24, 2018 at 4:39 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 30

My FH's brother is our Best Man. He has been dating his girlfriend for 2-3 years, they live together and are pretty serious, on the path to engagement probably. She is pretty involved with the family. I'm debating whether or not to include her in our formal family photos. Some schools of thought...

My FH's brother is our Best Man. He has been dating his girlfriend for 2-3 years, they live together and are pretty serious, on the path to engagement probably. She is pretty involved with the family. I'm debating whether or not to include her in our formal family photos. Some schools of thought would say "no" because the two are not married (or engaged), she is not officially part of the family. In a sense, I do lean that way because I personally feel like that is a really serious place and not to be taken lightly - almost like it has to be earned. I know that sounds harsh. I'll be honest, me and her aren't close and she's not close with FH, either. Will her feelings be hurt if she isn't included? Should I ask my FMIL what she thinks? How has this worked for you? Thanks!

30 Comments

  • F
    Dedicated September 2024
    Future Mrs. Weaver ·
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    I meant husband sorry
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    Some people choose not to get married. I feel If they been dating that long when you included significant others she should join.
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  • AQuixoticBride
    VIP July 2018
    AQuixoticBride ·
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    We actually didn't include spouses in our family photos at all. I did photos with my siblings that were at the wedding and DH did photos with his cousins as he is an only child. But if you are including spouses, I would include her.
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  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
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    If you guys aren't close then I don't see why you'd have to put her in the pictures. And if she isn't in the wedding she shouldn't expect to be in the pictures anyway.

    You could do what PPs are saying and just have a couple with her and then be done with it.


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  • G
    Devoted April 2020
    Grace ·
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    I would include her in some of the photos. Since they live together and have been together a few years their relationship is serious. Just because someone isn't married doesn't mean they aren't family. There are many couples who choose to never marry and some who have common law marriages were they are allowed. I would definitely include her as she will probably become your sister in law and should be viewed as such. It is a tough decision given that you and your FH don't have a close relationship with her. Given that you don't have a close relationship a good compromise would be to do some pictures with her and some without.
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  • A
    Beginner October 2020
    Alexie ·
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    . My thoughts are if it were me, and you two aren’t close, I would not want her to be in all of my family photos. I think You should take most of your photos with out her in them and then perhaps after you take a family picture you can ask her if she’s like to step in. But I’d make sure to ask this after you get what you want.
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  • Malwen107
    VIP October 2018
    Malwen107 ·
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    Some with, some without. 2-3 years is not that long and she should not be offended that you want photos of your immediate family...

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  • Heather
    VIP January 2019
    Heather ·
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    How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? If she and FH's brother got married before you and your FH, and she took "family photos" without you, how would you feel?

    Look, stuff happens. People divorce, people never get married but stay together for 75+ years. So you can never know what will happen the day after your wedding, or twenty five years after your wedding. The point is, they seem pretty close. And as long as FH's brother considers her his family, who are you to judge them? The family photos are few and far between, and easy to do a few with and a few without. What isn't easy is dealing with the resentment you cause for the next 50 years because they are each other's soul mate. Why risk it? Just include her and stop overthinking it. What does it cost you?

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  • DC Wife 10.27.18
    Master October 2018
    DC Wife 10.27.18 ·
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    At no point did she say they chose not to get married. She also stated plainly that her nor her FH are close to her. She is concerned about the GFs feelings not her own.

    My FH never assumes that he will be a part of family pictures even though we ARE engaged and live together. Someone always asks him to join if they want him to be there.

    I feel that if you aren't sure you want someone in your pictures, don't force yourself to include them.

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  • Kat
    Expert May 2019
    Kat ·
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    I would def include her. Together for several years and living together makes her family IMO. I agree though that you can do pictures with just your parents and siblings (no significant others), so it’s not like she needs to be in every picture.
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