fallinlove1014
Beginner October 2018

Best Man's Girlfriend - is she family?

fallinlove1014, on September 24, 2018 at 4:39 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 30
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My FH's brother is our Best Man. He has been dating his girlfriend for 2-3 years, they live together and are pretty serious, on the path to engagement probably. She is pretty involved with the family. I'm debating whether or not to include her in our formal family photos. Some schools of thought would say "no" because the two are not married (or engaged), she is not officially part of the family. In a sense, I do lean that way because I personally feel like that is a really serious place and not to be taken lightly - almost like it has to be earned. I know that sounds harsh. I'll be honest, me and her aren't close and she's not close with FH, either. Will her feelings be hurt if she isn't included? Should I ask my FMIL what she thinks? How has this worked for you? Thanks!

30 Comments

Latest activity by Kat, on September 25, 2018 at 9:44 AM
  • BrandiWeds18
    VIP May 2019
    BrandiWeds18 ·
    • Flag

    Hmm you can ask or you can do pics with family (siblings, parents), then you can do another with the spouses and significant others. That way they are included but you also have pics of them not in it, in case something happens. If that's your concern. She may be your sister in law one day

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  • DC Wife 10.27.18
    Master October 2018
    DC Wife 10.27.18 ·
    • Flag

    If you guys aren't close I wouldn't include her in family photos. That would be weird. I'm sure she knows that she isn't family and frankly if her feelings are hurt thats her problem. Its your wedding and she is not family. Do not ask your FMIL. From now on, your decisions are between you and FH. No one else.

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  • MrsBlah
    Devoted September 2016
    MrsBlah ·
    • Flag

    I would include her. 2-3 years and living together is a serious relationship.

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  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
    • Flag

    You can take some family photos with her and some without her. This gives you a variety of photos, it will make her feel important (they have a very serious relationship if they live together and are on the path to engagement), and if/when they do get married you will have photos of her in them since she could potentially become your family.

    My FH and I went to plenty of weddings together before we were engaged and I always appreciated when his mom or the bride/groom would incorporate me into photos because it basically told me that they recognized that we were a serious couple. It made me feel like part of the family and also made me feel more comfortable. You don't have to frame these in your house or anything but sounds like she will be family soon, so I'd just do some with and some without to please everyone.

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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I would include her in some, just not all. You can easily include her and then have her step to the side so you get some with just his brother. Think of it this way- technically no partner is permanent becaue marriages end all the time. Saying she hasn’t earned her spot in the family because they aren’t married is petty, IMO.
    • Reply
  • Tracy
    Super January 2019
    Tracy ·
    • Flag

    This is not a hill to die on and has an easy solution (as almost everyone has pointed out). Do some with her and some without her. Do the "without" first and then invite her in for the "with".

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  • WooPigSooie
    Devoted June 2020
    WooPigSooie ·
    • Flag

    If she and your future brother in law have a child together I would consider her family regardless of whether or not they're married. If they've just been dating and living together for a long time I think that is tougher to gauge. Anymore some people will live together forever and never get married and some people move in with someone out of convenience and it isn't a real sign of how serious or not the relationship is.

    If you have a preference one way or the other... do whatever you want. If you really don't care if she is or isn't in the photos... I would ask for opinions in this order 1)FH 2)FMIL 3)FBIL and if it matters to one of them, do what they prefer.

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  • HayMrsO
    Master October 2018
    HayMrsO ·
    • Flag

    I agree with others. Take some with her and some without. That way everyone is happy.

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy Online ·
    • Flag
    My FH sister got married last spring before we got engaged. We had been to get her for 2+ years at that point and lived together for 2.
    Iwas not included in any pictures even though I've grown very close to his family. I was not hurt or offended at that. I would have felt awkward had they asked me to be in them/one. FH was a groomsman as well.
    I do not plan on having my brothers gf in family pictures in January and they've been together for close to 2 yrs by then.
    As PP have suggested maybe do some with and some with out. But I don't think will be that big of a deal, from my experience.
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  • Susie
    Dedicated October 2018
    Susie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Agree with this. When my future BIL got married, I was with FH but we were not engaged. I was included in just a few photos. Actually when my FSIL was married too (while we were engaged) I was also in not many of the photos. I didn’t take offense
    • Reply
  • Mac2Bee
    Devoted September 2018
    Mac2Bee ·
    • Flag
    I would do photos with parents and siblings and a separate photo that includes spouses and significant others.

    IMO, I wouldn’t single her out simply because they aren’t married. DH and I’s families never knew if we even considered marriage before getting engaged but still included both of us in everything. It’s not your position to judge the seriousness of their relationship.
    • Reply
  • Megan
    VIP January 2019
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    Do pics with and without her. My brother had a girlfriend like that, they lived together for 6 years and then suddenly broke up and we had no family photos without her for 6 years! Now they are back together and for the wedding she will be in most and then step out for a few just in case. I get along with her great and am going to explain this to her prior to the event. You just never know and you want photos with your family that you won’t feel you need to put away if something happens.
    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I would do half and half, so include her in some but not in all. I think talking to your FMIL is a good idea too!

    • Reply
  • c
    Super May 2019
    c ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't include her in all of the family photos, but that's a pretty serious relationship and I'd want to be considered family even without marriage.

    • Reply
  • JustKidding
    VIP April 2018
    JustKidding ·
    • Flag

    Take one picture with her, and the rest without.

    I would never have assumed to be in formal pictures when my husband and I were dating.

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  • Amanda
    Expert August 2019
    Amanda ·
    • Flag
    I would do family photos without her. You can definitely also take some with her in it. I think it’s a good idea to have some without her just in case. However since it does sound close to official, it would be nice to include. My friend was almost engaged to her now husband. She wasn’t included in her husband’s brother’s wedding photos. She was a bit hurt but understood. She was happy to be in some of the photos though.
    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated December 2018
    Amelia ·
    • Flag
    You can do some pictures with her in them and some without her. That way, no matter which way their relationship goes, you’re covered.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
    • Flag
    I was included in family photos before as a girlfriend. It was such a sweet gesture.
    • Reply
  • MrsSnez
    Super October 2018
    MrsSnez ·
    • Flag
    I'd do some with her and some without. You could also ask BM and FMIL how they feel about it.

    A small personal story: H and I started dating March 2015. In August 2016 his family decided to do family pictures and MIL sent me all the emails and assumed I'd be in them (we had JUST moved in together and I wasn't sure about it). H and I talked and he said if I was comfortable he'd like me to be in them. At the same time, H's 23 year old nephew had just gotten married and had a baby with a girl he barely knew. Now 2 years later we're married and those pictures are hanging on the wall next to our engagement and wedding photos, while the nephew has since gone through a divorce and is trying to co-parent their son. My point being marriage doesn't necessarily mean permanent unfortunately so you still may look at your photos years later and think "who was that again?". MIL and I actually talked about those pictures the other day and she said "Well that was our family at the time. Nothing wrong with acknowledging how it was or that it's since changed."
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Weaver
    Dedicated September 2022
    Mrs. Weaver ·
    • Flag
    No not family! (Yet) and if you dont like her then no pics and let your hisband tell his best man lol
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