Best man troubles

I've just read the entire thread, and it's good the situation has been resolved the way you both wanted it to. The only thing I want to mention is that in your last post you mentioned how you'd react as the honor attendant in a similar situation, and that's awesome. I'd just say, I've been married for almost 33 years and one thing I've noticed in my experience is sometimes men and women just don't respond similarly in situations (not your FH -- who seems to be on the same page as you are -- but his BM). I don't mean to stereotype, but sometimes the men I know are fairly clueless about "event planning" and picking up on cues we might think are QUITE CLEAR.... SIL was in a wedding here the best men came up with this random plan that something like 20 guys were going to go to Vegas for a bachelor party.... They had no clear plan for how they were going to get there, exactly when they would arrive/leave, where they were going to stay, or what they were going to do.... That trip was on, and then off, so many times. They just had this idea that a "cool bachelor party would be going to Vegas!", but no concept for planning it. Try not to be upset with the BM; maybe he's just clueless (and/or has an idea in his head of what a "good bachelor party" should be) and thought he was doing something good, and ultimately, you and FH got what you wanted. Good luck!

That all makes sense. Do you think BM is perhaps jealous of FH's relationship with you? I know that can sound ridiculous, but if they've been friends for a while and have typically done "guy stuff" together, BM may truly be jealous that "you've taken away" some of his time with FH and that may be at the heart of some of his less than inviting interactions with you. Some friendships don't always weather major life changes very well. It sounds like you and FH have a great relationship and are on the same page. It's good that you've encouraged him to be open to BM's possible bids to spend time together without you. Honestly, one of the best things for a happy healthy marriage is when both parties make time to maintain and strengthen their individual relationships. That can be more challenging during wedding planning because there are so many demands on everyone's time and attention, but in the long-run it gives you both other outlets -- and, probably makes you appreciate what you have together all the more. Good luck to you!

LOL! As a HUGE introvert, with an extremely extroverted career (and a husband who is a GIANT extrovert), I totally understand.... I think you have a lot of good insights into their relational dynamic. BM's new baby almost certainly is a confounding factor in his desire to "get away." It sounds like it will all work itself out -- and either way your wedding isn't more than a month away, so WHO CARES?!?!?!? Hang in....

FWIW -- two weeks before daughter's wedding, everyone and everything seemed to be spiraling out of control and she was beside herself. Her incredibly sweet and very wise DJ told her to take a deep breath and let it go because once she was only one week out, he PROMISED she'd move on to the "I don't give a crap -- I'm getting married" phase. God love him! He was exactly right. In the grand scheme of things, none of this matters. Enjoy every second of your last few weeks -- in the end, it's all going to be awesome!

BM sounds extremely selfish with FH's clearly demarcated time, but that's just me. If FH made it clear to his "best" man that he didn't want a traditional bachelor party, the best man should listen to that or he's not actually being a friend.

I think it's awful of him to exclude you because it hurt your feelings. That's something you should point out to FH (because BM is in his life). FH and BM need to figure out the best way to have a relationship that recognizes and validates your role in FM's life. Hopefully it ends with BM apologizing for being thoughtless and asking how he can help with the existing party plan (e.g. bringing food or whatever).

Your FH (and many other male-identified humans I know) would not ignore the express directive of a best friend as far as a social event goes. I'm sorry, being a man is not an excuse for being selfish.

If FH feels bad, he should talk to BM about it and see what the real problem is. If BM continues to act/be selfish, your FH should strongly consider asking one of his other groomsmen to take on the role of being the best man and help you guys with the wedding and the game night and whatever else you guys choose to do. Best men exist at the pleasure of the groom and if my FH's BM was hurting my feeling, no way FH would let that go.