Best friend offended by elopement...what do I say without losing her?

Something doesn't make sense in your follow up post, OP.

If you mentioned the idea to her in the beginning and she tried to steer you away (did she say she probably wouldn't be able to afford the travel?) why did you still go ahead with the yosemite plan?

Did you not care whether or not she could come? That's fine if you didn't but I kinda understand now why she would be upset.

@MMB I agree. My best friend is like my sister. If she planned a destination wedding after I told her I couldn't afford to come, I would be hurt as well.

We are having a dinner afterwards with our close family that are at the ceremony.

We haven't officially planned or booked anything, mainly because I'm worried about offending people, especially my best friend. If the people closest to me are unhappy, then that makes me unhappy.

Decide how important it is to you to have her at your elopement. You could always offer to pay for her ticket if you can't imagine her not being there. If not, then reassure her that you love her but that this is what you and FH have chosen

Aye, Erica. You're killing me here, and my argument.

Since nothing is planned or booked, find a date that works for the VIPs - your BFF included.

If you haven't booked anything, then consider what she's telling you and decide if you're okay going through with it anyway. It's your wedding and you're allowed to do it without her, but she has a right to her own feelings too and she isn't being unreasonable here in telling you she can't fly to California with just a few months notice. Your options are: (1) have the wedding in Cali anyway and respect that she's hurt and just wait it out, (2) have the wedding in your hometown if she can afford that, (3) postpone your wedding if you really want her there because money seems tight for her right now, or (4) pay for her ticket, which you are not obligated to do.

I know it's confusing, I wish I could've posted all that in the original discussion but it was too many characters.

The date works for my VIPs and my BFF (we picked the date because she could make it). It' s the location that doesn't work for her. When she told me about her date restrictions she told me she was giving me a 'heads up' because they were planning an international vacation but hadn't booked it yet.

So you push back the date, pay for her ticket, pick a new location, etc....if you really want her to come.

ETA: I'm not saying that you HAVE to do any of those things. But if you don't accommodate her then you just have to understand that she has the right to be upset.

The reason we picked this date is because it is the only one that works for her with her work and vacation schedule. We can't push it back because next year is her wedding and i'm her MOH and already have plans for bachelorette party and wedding, too much time off for both of us in the same year.

Okay. Just for future reference, type out the entire story in Word (or in an email, whatever), then paste what you can in the OP, then the rest in the comments.

Is eloping locally out of the question? Not that you should HAVE to, but I'm just wondering.

Also, if being at your wedding is so important to her, and she hasn't even booked her own vacation, why isn't it on her to try to make it work for you?

Aye, this is all so frustrating (not you, just your issue in general).

I want to say things like, I guess you need to decide what's more important to you, coming to my wedding or going on your international vacation? But I feel like that isn't fair. However I've had to change/make plans around her, if I was planning something expensive and found out she was getting married around the same time I would cancel my plans, no questions asked. Because I'm not made out of money either.

Yosemite is special to us, if we didn't do it there then it would have to be a traditional ceremony at home. I just really really don't want to have a traditional ceremony, bridal party, the whole hoop-la. I really want it to be just about us. Was thinking of having it be just us two but that would offend FMIL and FSIL so alas.

Explain to her that you have tried to include her, taking her conflicts into consideration. Express that Yosemite is special to you and that you would prefer that over a traditional ceremony. How I am understanding things, you have invited her but it is just not convenient for her. You can't appease everyone. You are by no means obligated to rearrange your plans to appease her.

Eeep. I missed the part that she hasn't even officially booked her vacation.

I'm sorry Erica, sounds like a shitty situation.

I originally wanted to elope (H was on the fence), but we had so much push back from both sets of parents, so we ended up doing something semi-local and semi-small. It was different than what I originally wanted but at the end of the day we were married and actually really enjoyed our wedding. You can't make everyone happy, but I hope you do what makes you and FH happy.

You'll figure it out! Good luck.

I wanted to elope which is something I say quite often on here, I'm realizing. My mom immediately jumped on my case about how my brothers had made promises to walk me down the aisle and so on and so on. After she finished, I informed her that the only person whose opinion matters in this situation is my fiancé. I told her, and anyone else who didn't like that we had so much as discussed it, that it was our decision if we decided to do so. Especially since we're paying for everything and having to wait even longer to get married because of it. As it was, FH decided he wanted at least the people he was closest to, to be there. My whole point is if you want to elope, do it. People will get over their hurt feelings. Including your best friend.

As your friend she should understand. She is being unreasonable